“I want that too,” I respond in a whisper. He kisses me gently as he pushes into me slowly. A burst of pain makes me gasp, but the pain eases almost as fast as it hit me. Our mouths find a rhythm that synchronizes with the rock of his hips as he gently pushes in and out. He goes slow, inching his way in a little at a time, until he’s fully seated. Settling, he gives me time to adjust to the full but incredibly wonderful feeling of him being inside of me.
Breaking our intense, languid kiss he draws his head back to check on me before moving. “You okay?” he whispers.
I nod.
“You sure?”
“I would be if you would start moving a little.” His eyebrows arch in surprise and he lets out a raspy chuckle. But the laughter is quickly replaced by something more sinister. He buries his head into my neck and nips and kisses his way from my collarbone to my ear. His rhythm increases as the gentle kisses turn to sucking and his light nips become more forceful.
My body matches his rhythm, thrust for thrust, and together we rock back and forth, completely and utterly connected in every way. Mind, heart, soul and now body. It’s beautiful and breathtaking and the only thing I regret is not being able to see every inch of us joined as we become one for the first time.
A small moan escapes my lips and it ratchets up both our needs even more. I feel his sweat-slick body tense and I know he must be close. He pulls his head back, his face filled with so much need, but again he stops to put me first. “I love you, Nikki.” His voice is raw and intense and any doubt I had left is erased. My eyes fill with tears of happiness.
“I love you, too.”
He swivels his hips a little and his body finds a new way to pleasure mine that I didn’t even know was possible. My breathing hitches, my eyes roll into the back of my head and shudders rack through me.
“So beautiful,” he whispers, his eyes keenly focused on watching me give whatever is left over to him. He pumps into me hard a few more times; the groan coming from deep in his throat is the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard.
Even as we slow our rhythm and eventually stop, he still kisses me with more passion than I ever imagined could be real.
We spend hours exploring, learning each other’s bodies, until we finally pass out from exhaustion. The last thing I remember is feeling like I’m home again. I always knew home wasn’t a place, I just didn’t know I could find it with a person who would be so deeply raveled in my life before we ever met.
EPILOGUE
Nikki—
Valentine’s Day— 3 years later
I wake to Zack’s grumbling when he trips over a box. Yet again. I smile in the dark as he tries in vain to quietly slip out to his early morning class. Instead, a low string of curses litter the room as he limps toward the bed, muttering something about a broken toe. I don’t let on that I’m awake when he leans down and kisses my forehead, slipping something under my pillow.
I wait till I hear the front door close, then slip the note out. He hasn’t left me one in a while. Even though I miss getting them, it makes his little vignettes that much more special. I unfold it. Will you be my Valentine, Birthday Girl? Like a fourteen-year-old schoolgirl, I hold it against my chest and cherish it for what it is. A note from the cutest boy in school, who I have a mammoth size crush on. Only we’re starting our last year of college now.
Two weeks ago, we finally took the plunge and moved in together. A small apartment near campus— the Waldorf, it’s not— but I love it as much as if it were some fancy penthouse. It’s funny, the last three years we spent four nights a week together, so I didn’t think it would feel that different when we actually lived together. Yet it’s totally different. And it has nothing to do with Zack not having to sneak out before Aunt Claire gets home either. I’d told him Aunt Claire wouldn’t mind, but he insisted on doing it until the day I moved out— he didn’t want to rub it in her face that we were sleeping together. Although there is no way that she didn’t know.
After I came back from Texas, Aunt Claire and I spent a lot of time talking. I knew before I met her that she was keeping secrets from me, but my heart was still wounded that she didn’t tell me about Emily.
I found out she’d stayed in Long Beach her whole life to keep an eye on my sister. And she kept tabs on Mom and I, too. Growing up, I remember we would get these big deliveries once a month — fresh fruit, vegetables, yogurt — I loved the day the delivery man came each month. Mom never mentioned who sent the groceries, I cried for an hour when Aunt Claire told me it was her. For seventeen years she loved me, Mom and Emily from afar — a guardian angel watching over us. Now Aunt Claire and I have each other, and our guardian angels are Mom and Emily.
It didn’t take long for me to forgive Aunt Claire for her not telling me about my dad and Emily. She was only trying to protect me. I just needed to see things clearly. These days, I think of her like a best friend. Although I’d never tell Ashley— she still holds a bit of a grudge against Aunt Claire for the things that happened three years ago. That, and Ash would be crushed if she knew that my relationship with Aunt Claire rivaled ours.
And then there’s my dad. I kept away from him the first few months I was back in California. It was all too much to deal with. But Zack eventually convinced me to meet Dr. Bennett for lunch one day. I’ll never forget walking into the restaurant that Saturday afternoon. I saw him sitting at the table and our eyes locked. He stood and suddenly I was five years old again and he was Mike. If Zack hadn’t been standing next to me, I would have fallen on the floor when I saw my dad break down and cry. He handed me a single purple lily before I left that day.