When he hurts, I hurt.
The tears that welled up then, they weren’t such a bad thing, and she let them flow. They weren’t for herself. They were all for him.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Candace asked.
Macy glanced out the window of the convenience store and balanced the cell phone precariously between her ear and shoulder as she grabbed drinks out of the cooler. Outside, Seth was filling up his car with gas. The sight of him in his hoodie and ratty jeans with the early morning sunlight glinting off his aviator sunglasses made her heart flip over. A brunette walking by him in sprayed-on, low-slung jeans and a teeny T-shirt nearly tripped over her own feet checking him out. He tipped his chin up at her. Macy rolled her eyes.
“I don’t really—”
“Ma-cy.”
“I might be…a little bit in love with him?”
That made her friend laugh. “A little bit? That’s like being a little bit pregnant or something. It doesn’t happen.”
“I have a serious question to ask you.”
“Okay?”
“What do you honestly think the future holds for either of us? You or me. I mean, thirty years from now, are we still really going to be with these guys, coming home old and gray from the tattoo parlor? Listening to heavy metal all the time while we try to keep them from cussing around the grandkids?”
“I’ll be with mine, whatever he’s doing. Without a doubt.”
“I just feel like their very profession allows them to revel in their Peter Pan syndrome or something.”
“Brian is serious-minded, though. He’s thinking ahead. He knows he won’t do this forever, most likely, and he’s looking at opening a few more parlors around the area. Plus, let’s face it…he’ll inherit someday, and so will I. So will you.” She laughed. “Well, I’ll inherit unless my parents finally disown me.”
“Oh, that’ll never happen.”
“I’ve decided you must be right. They would’ve done it already. And hey, it’s not like Ghost is a slacker. He’s not going to spend all his time laid up on your couch.”
“I know.”
“So stop worrying so much. God. It’s so funny. Here I tell you not to worry, and your advice to me was always to worry my ass off.”
“All right, already.” Macy put their snacks on the front counter and dug her wallet out of her purse. “You’ll have many hours to put me under fire on the drive back. We’re all set for you guys coming to get me, right?”
“Yep. Just text the address when you get it, and we’ll be on our way. Tell Ghost that Brian will call him in a few minutes when he gets out of the shower. We’re sending good thoughts for his grandmother.”
“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that. You guys are the best.”
“Thanks so much for going with him. Brian was so relieved to hear he wasn’t driving up there upset and alone. He really needs you right now.”
She opened her mouth to contradict that, certain that despite all her protesting to the contrary, he’d have been fine whether she was with him or not. But she let those words die in her throat, saying her good-byes to Candace and thanking the cashier instead.
Before they’d left his house earlier, he’d certainly held her like he needed her. She couldn’t think of that moment without her stomach clenching in equal parts fear and jubilation. If the last twelve hours with him had been such sexual and emotional insanity, what would life with him be like?
He breezed in the door just as she turned toward it. With his sunglasses pushed to the top of his head now, she could see the weariness setting in. The shadows under his eyes, the downturn of his mouth. She was ready to fall flat on her face too. But she injected as much brightness into her voice as she could. “I talked to Candace. She and Sam are coming. She said Brian will call you in a few minutes.”
“Cool.”
“I got us the biggest coffee they offer. Let me drive now, okay?”
He handed her the keys without comment and moved on to the restrooms in the back. Not even a protest. Yeah, he was exhausted.
Five minutes later, they were on the road again. She’d learned how to drive on a stick shift—her dad had insisted—but it took some time for her to re-acclimate. He was a good sport and laughed when she almost rolled back on a hill and then lurched forward.
“Hey, you’re here for my safety, remember.”
“I’ve got this! It’s just been a few years.” Like, almost ten. But he didn’t need to know that. “I’ll try not to stall your baby.”
He patted the dashboard. “It would take a lot to stall my Goat.” She glanced over as he leaned his head back and yawned, wishing he would try to grab a couple hours’ sleep at least. He probably wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to leave his transmission lying on the road first.
Another mile or so later, she became intensely aware of the weight of his stare on her. His eyes were completely hidden behind his shades now; for all she knew, with the way his head was leaned back, they could’ve been closed. They weren’t. She could feel it. “What?” she asked, fidgeting in her seat.
“I think you’re the first person I’ve ever let drive this car besides me. And you look incredibly sexy doing it.”
“Pfft. I’m a mess.” He’d dropped her by her apartment long enough for her to change, scrub her face clean, brush her teeth and slick her hair back in a ponytail. She needed a good night’s sleep herself, but mostly she needed a shower. And to think she might actually meet his sister in this condition.
“You’re gorgeous.”
So was he. If it had never jumped out and violently beaten her over the head before, it did then. The dark shadow on his jaw was intensified this morning. Despite their circumstances, she longed to feel it rasp against her skin again. He had the best damn mouth she had ever seen in her life, and he knew how to use it.
“Now I know you’re sleep deprived,” she said, heat tingling up her cheeks, which were remembering all too well what that scruff had felt like as his body moved against hers. Into hers. She had to resist the urge to put a hand to her face. Her pulse grew ragged. “You’re hallucinating.”
“No. I’m seeing more clearly than ever, I think.” As he reached over and brushed a stray tendril behind her ear, she shivered at the touch of his fingers there.
What did he mean? She tried to swallow the lump gathering in her throat, but it only remained there, choking her. Something was growing between them. Something big. She felt powerless against it, and God knew she didn’t like powerless.
You don’t like it, but you’ve sure let it own you for the past several years, haven’t you? Not as tough as you thought you were.
She sipped her coffee, hoping he didn’t notice how her hand shook.
“I know this whole thing, it’s been a lot to dump on you when we’re…friends. Fairly new friends, at that. I’ve never had a chance to do anything like this for you. But I want you to know, Macy, no matter what happens, I’ll never forget this. I’ve got your back for anything you ever need me for. Ever. No questions asked.”
Friends. That word hadn’t tasted very good in his mouth, she could tell. She wasn’t comfortable with it either, even if she was the one who’d thrown it at him earlier. To hell with self-preservation. Her regret at that moment was so immense, it eclipsed everything else but the need to tell him the truth: she wanted so much more than to be his friend.