It’s almost unbelievable how our relationship just unraveled in the blink of an eye. I really thought he cared about me. I know how much he meant to me. I loved him… that thought is almost enough to have a gut wrenching sob rising up within my throat because as much as I hate to admit it, I still love him. Even after he told me I was nothing more than a distraction standing between him and the NFL. I still love him.
With those thoughts running rampant through my head, I take a hasty step away from him. What we had is over with and it’s best to close this chapter of my life. It’s taking everything I have inside not to reach out and pull him to me. Tightening my fingers into clenched fists, I finally whisper, “Well, um, I have to go. My dad is waiting…”
Closing the distance I’ve just put between us, he takes a step towards me. “You’re heading to Cincinnati?”
“Yeah, we’ve already packed everything up. I’m going to spend two days with my dad and Leah before he drives me there on Saturday.”
Again he smiles but it’s strained around the edges as if this encounter is just as painful for him as it is for me. His words are quietly spoken when he finally says, “I’m really happy for you, Ivy. You deserve this. You’ve worked so hard to get where you are.”
As my eyes slide over him, I realize I can’t stand here for another moment just shooting the shit with him like he’s just some guy I knew. Like he never carved out a special place in my heart. It feels as if the pain sitting between us is a living breathing entity. And it’s just too much…
“I should go.” The last thing I need is to break down in front of him. How humiliating would that be? I don’t want to be that girl. I’ve already cried way too many tears over him. I’m done doing that. And talking to him, being this close to him has all the harshly throbbing pain rushing back at me again.
“Yeah, okay.” Looking unhappy, he jerks his head into a tight nod as if there’s nothing more to say between us. And maybe there isn’t. After all, we said our goodbyes when he broke my heart.
Needing to escape, I turn away. Just as I do, his hand snakes out, grabbing my arm before pulling me back towards him. A heartbeat later I find myself crushed against the solid wall of his chest.
“Roan,” I breathe out the word knowing that all this will do is cause me more heartache.
His eyes lock onto my confused ones before searching them. There’s such sorrow and regret lurking within his gorgeous blue-green depths. The normal twinkle is noticeably absent. “I never meant to hurt you, Ivy. I hope you know that.”
I shake my head. Why is he doing this? Doesn’t he understand that it only makes all the hurt I’ve been desperately trying to pretend doesn’t exist, flare back to life again with a vengeance?
“Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
What he’s saying doesn’t make a damn bit of sense. I can’t stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. “Then why did you do it?”
Looking conflicted, he finally says, “I didn’t want to stand in your way, Ivy. You had to go to Cincinnati and pursue your dreams. I couldn’t let you turn it down.” His voice lowers until it sounds as if it’s scraped raw.
My brows knit as I continue staring at him. Very quietly I say, “But I told you I hadn’t gotten the part. How did you know I was lying?”
In response, his lips compress into a thin, tight line.
As I continue searching his eyes, realization slowly dawns. “Eric told you.” I can’t believe he would interfere in my life like that! He knew exactly how much this relationship meant to me.
Finally he says, “I couldn’t be the one to hold you back.”
Unable to meet his gaze, I lower my head until I’m able to lay it against the chiseled planes of his chest. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”
“For the same reasons you didn’t tell me,” he admits quietly.
My mind is working furiously now. “So…so, you didn’t break up with me because I was a distraction?”
Very gently Roan runs his fingers through my hair before I feel him press a light kiss against my forehead. “No. You could never be a distraction, Ivy. Not ever. If anything, you make me want to be a better man.”
Just as my heart starts to lift, it comes crashing back to reality. “But I’m leaving, Roan. I’m leaving for Cincinnati.”
He tugs my body even closer until I feel every single hard line of him. “I know.” So much sadness packed into those two little words.