It would never be the same, could never be the same. As he mulled his uncle's words, the scene in his mind altered and shifted. What if it were his nishani on the hill with his sisters? What if she looked upon him as his mother had his father, with adoration and love?
He rejected the thought. It was too fanciful to look so far ahead when he needed to determine how to prevent his people from starving. Nonetheless, he was disturbed far more than he recalled being in many sun-cycles. He'd tried to block all memories of a happier time for fear he'd never see such times again.
"I will find the payment for food," he said.
His uncle looked deflated and even more haggard. "I cannot stay long."
"I know, Uncle." He shook himself mentally to refocus on the dire circumstances before him but was unable to force the thought of Kiera from his mind. "Go and rest, Uncle. I know you get little enough as it is."
"A final warning, A'Ran. The dhjan nishani must willingly accept her place at your side and her role in helping the planet. If she does not, the planet will die."
A'Ran despised the words the moment he heard them. She was beyond his control, and so was her choice of whether or not to accept her place.
"You must look beyond yourself to find a way to win her, A'Ran, or the planet is lost."
Mansr offered no other advice but rose and bowed once more before striding to the door. A'Ran returned to his battle loss assessments. Mansr's words had all been true. The more he considered them, the more he realized that he didn't know how to be anyone but a battle commander. He'd never considered it a fault before. Nishani wasn't the only problem; he was, too.
* * *
Though he was physically engaged in swordplay, Kiera sensed A'Ran's distraction the next morning as they sparred. He spoke even less than normal. His touch was mechanical and instructional, his attention elsewhere. She wasn't eager to draw his undivided attention, but his distance struck her as unusual, if not yet another rejection. She lowered her sword long before the sky lightened. His attention shifted to her.
"We don't have to do this today," she said.
A'Ran straightened, his piercing gaze on her. His thick form was tense, his features implacable. Talal's assessment of there being something wrong returned to her.
"You seem to have other matters on your mind," Kiera prodded. "I don't want to keep you from anything."