But then her smile slipped and a troubled look took its place. “I can’t stay with you forever. I can’t hide forever. I won’t live my life like that. Death would be preferable to waking up every morning and wondering if it’s your last sunrise. It’s no way to live.”
Sorrow soaked her every word. Her emotional pain was as evident as if she had a sign plastered to her chest advertising that fact. It made him want to pull her into his arms and hold her. Offer her some measure of comfort. But she seemed extremely wary of being touched and he didn’t want to do anything that made her uncomfortable around him.
But he did want to know if she feared him. It would gut him if she were afraid he would hurt her in any way.
“Ramie, why are you afraid to let me touch you?” he asked gently.
He purposely kept his tone measured and more inquisitive rather than defensive or that he was angry she was afraid of him. God only knew she had sufficient reason to fear men. She’d lived in the minds of the worst the male sex had to offer.
She shrugged one small shoulder. “I don’t like being touched by anyone. It’s just my automatic response to shun contact with others. Because when someone touches me I see their worst secrets. I see and feel the evil in them. Never the good. Only the worst. If I could feel joy, love or even genuine happiness or just something positive then at least that would balance the scales and maybe I could deal more with the darkness that stains people’s souls. But my gift is the worst sort of curse because I’m only capable of knowing the evil people try to hide.”
Caleb’s brow furrowed and an uneasy sensation prickled his nape. “And when I touched you? What did you feel?”
He knew he sounded defensive now, despite his earlier determination that he not sound so, but knowing someone could read things no one else could possibly know about him unsettled him. He didn’t want her having access to his thoughts. He was ruthless when it came to the protection of his family. He was ruthless when it came to business. Both traits could very well damn him in Ramie’s eyes.
“I’m not a mind reader,” she said wearily, as if she had indeed read his thoughts despite her denial. “It’s hard to explain. It’s not that I pick out exact thought patterns. It’s more of a tangible thing that I feel, not know. I see things. Events. Actions. But I don’t actually read people’s thoughts. I sense emotions—negative ones—not good ones. Maybe I could handle it better if I ever got to feel goodness in people. Maybe I wouldn’t be so cynical about human nature and the capacity in us all to be bad or at the very least gray. If it makes you feel any better, or at least not judged by me, I didn’t sense anything evil. Or bad. Just . . . determination. And that’s not a bad quality. At least not in my estimation. But then my opinion of you should hardly matter. I’m no one to you and what I think shouldn’t even give you pause.”
Caleb’s lips tightened, because her opinion did matter to him. And maybe it shouldn’t. But it had suddenly become all-important to him that she think him a good man, despite his thoughts. That she would eventually be able to trust him.
“Your gift isn’t infallible then. I’m not a good man, Ramie. In fact I am quite capable of killing and of hurting someone without hesitation if I deem them a threat to someone I love.”
“But don’t you see?” she asked in a soft voice. “Protecting someone from evil isn’t evil itself. It doesn’t make you bad that you want to punish those who truly are a threat to your family. All I sensed from you was unwavering resolve and I didn’t need to be in your head to see that. It’s written all over your face and in your eyes. No one needs to have my gift—or rather curse—to determine how resolved you are.”
“But you said you could pick up violence. And my thoughts most assuredly are violent.”
She smiled, only the second smile he’d been gifted with and it took his breath away because he caught a glimpse of what the real Ramie must have been like before her curse took her down a path she couldn’t return from.
“What I pick up on are people’s true natures. While you may entertain violent thoughts—revenge, retribution, even murder—that isn’t the true essence of who and what you are. I guess you could say my gift reveals the true heart of a person. Some people are inherently evil. Others are inherently good no matter if they deviate from their true nature in certain circumstances. But I have a way of seeing through a façade to the very soul of people and while our actions and words may speak differently, the soul is unchangeable. It remains constant. Some people are able to fight their true nature while others give in more readily to the darkness inside them. Even embrace it.”
Listening to her calmly explain away such an unbelievable gift as casually as someone might discuss the weather was mind-boggling to him. It wasn’t as if he didn’t believe or have faith in her gift. He just hadn’t realized the true extent of her abilities. He’d ignorantly assumed that it was a simple black-and-white matter where she touched something belonging to the victim and was able to trace the path back to them. He’d never once considered that her capabilities went so much deeper and were so profound—almost spiritual in a sense. Because only God was supposed to know the true heart and soul of a person. Only God could judge intent.
Caleb could well understand now why she’d led such a solitary existence. A reclusive who didn’t surround herself with people. How would she ever be able to protect herself from anyone? If people knew the extent of her gift she would be in constant danger. People would kill to silence the truth about themselves. It was no wonder what little he’d been able to discover about her was sketchy at best.