"I will, of course. Do you want to leave any other message?"
She hesitated, as if the thought tempted her. Then she shrugged her
shoulders.
"What would be the use? He doesn't want any message from me."
She turned toward the door. But K. could not let her go like that. Her
face frightened him. It was too calm, too controlled. He followed her
across the room.
"What are your plans?"
"I haven't any. I'm about through with my training, but I've lost my
diploma."
"I don't like to see you going away like this."
She avoided his eyes, but his kindly tone did what neither the Head nor the
Executive Committee had done that day. It shook her control.
"What does it matter to you? You don't owe me anything."
"Perhaps not. One way and another I've known you a long time."
"You never knew anything very good."
"I'll tell you where I live, and--"
"I know where you live."
"Will you come to see me there? We may be able to think of something."
"What is there to think of? This story will follow me wherever I go! I've
tried twice for a diploma and failed. What's the use?"
But in the end he prevailed on her to promise not to leave the city until
she had seen him again. It was not until she had gone, a straight figure
with haunted eyes, that he reflected whimsically that once again he had
defeated his own plans for flight.
In the corridor outside the door Carlotta hesitated. Why not go back? Why
not tell him? He was kind; he was going to do something for her. But the
old instinct of self-preservation prevailed. She went on to her room.
Sidney brought her letter to Joe back to K. She was flushed with the
effort and with a new excitement.
"This is the letter, K., and--I haven't been able to say what I wanted,
exactly. You'll let him know, won't you, how I feel, and how I blame
myself?"
K. promised gravely.
"And the most remarkable thing has happened. What a day this has been!
Somebody has sent Johnny Rosenfeld a lot of money. The ward nurse wants
you to come back."
The ward had settled for the night. The well-ordered beds of the daytime
were chaotic now, torn apart by tossing figures. The night was hot and an
electric fan hummed in a far corner. Under its sporadic breezes, as it
turned, the ward was trying to sleep.