All my life, I hadn’t latched onto people. I’d been disciplined by parents and a sibling who didn’t want me. I’d learned to rely on myself and not others. Q had made me lean on him, and I’d found a sisterhood in Suzette, but I suddenly wanted to grab this stranger in a huge hug and thank her.
Fighting the urge, I nodded. “Okay.”
Feeling stronger and more confident, I didn’t hesitate. Shrugging out of my clothes, I submitted to the consultation.
The first part of the examination went fine. Dr. Fellows drew blood. Inspected my vitals and kept all opinions from her face as she noticed the brand on my neck and the tattoos on my wrist and finger.
Thank God, I didn’t come here a few weeks ago when the bruises and cuts from Q’s drunken night still marked me. She might’ve reported me to the women’s shelter and had the police investigate.
I snuffed a small smile.
I’d already set the cops onto Q and look how that turned out. Or at least, Brax had. Q had the police in his pocket because he was a goddamn saint with what he did.
Why couldn’t he see that?
He was so much better than what he believed.
As the exam grew more invasive, I trembled, fighting residual memories that I thought I’d worked through so many years ago. Having Q between my legs was welcome. Having his teeth in my flesh and his hand print on my ass was no better joy. But having a woman spread me open for the vaginal examination brought fleeting images of Mexico, Leather Jacket, and the rape before Q killed the man and rescued me.
“Are you okay?” Dr. Fellows murmured as I shook and clutched the plastic sheet as she finished the Pap smear.
Biting my lip, I kept my eyes locked on the ceiling. “Uh-huh.”
Sealing the cotton swab and pulling off rubber gloves, she said, “You can get dressed now. All done.” Pushing back on her wheeled chair, she shot to her desk and placed my swab in an outgoing tray and typed something on her computer.
I quickly pulled up my knickers and jeans before fluffing my hair and joining her. “How long will it take to know what’s wrong with me?”
“That’s the incorrect mindset to have. There is nothing wrong with you, Mrs. Mercer.” Softening her voice, she added, “A few days for the blood-work to come in. However, in the physical examination, I didn’t see anything wrong.” Holding up a plastic cup, she grinned. “Whoops. Almost forgot. Go pee, please. I’ll do a final test before you leave.”
Eww.
Dutifully, I took the little container and left her office to head to the ladies’ room at the end of the corridor. After doing what I needed, I returned and tried to fight my embarrassment at handing over such a disgusting thing.
Slipping more gloves on, Dr. Fellows pulled out a litmus stick and a few other medical paraphernalia and performed the tests right in front of me.
I watched silently.
Growing up, I hadn’t had much experience with doctors. I rarely got sick, and if I did, my parents didn’t bother taking me to the GP. I wasn’t sure if I liked having someone looking after me or uncomfortable to be so investigated.
While waiting for whatever tests to show results, Dr. Fellows typed up a script and handed it to me. “Here are a few vitamins to boost your system to better enable your system to get pregnant. I’ll also refer you to a family planning expert do discuss fertility options if it comes to that.”
“Thanks.”
Her eyes drifted to the test. Her face tightened as a smile lifted her lips. “Mrs. Mercer…I have some news for you.”
“Already?” I strained my neck, trying to see what she did. “What is it? Am I sterile? It’s me, isn’t it? I’m missing something. Well, at least Q can stop beating himself up about it.” And start beating me again. “I’m so sorry for wasting your time. Thanks for your help.”
Standing, I trembled with a mixture of relief to finally have an answer and terrible sadness that I would never be a mother. I would never be able to give Q what he suddenly desperately wanted.
Dr. Fellows laughed. “Don’t jump to conclusions. I hadn’t finished.” Pointing at the chair, she commanded, “Please, sit. You might need to when I tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
She cocked her chin at the chair, waiting until I sank back down again. “It gives me great pleasure to be the first to tell you this, Mrs. Mercer.”
Anticipation scraped along my skin as Dr. Fellows held up a stick with two blue lines. “You’re pregnant.”
* * * * *
“So? How did it go?” Suzette asked after we’d walked the streets of Paris in silence for half an hour.
How did it go?
I was pregnant.
I’m pregnant.
Q was right. It was our violent lovemaking stopping us.
No, that’s wrong.
Once Dr. Fellows recorded the positive test, she reexamined me, doing a vaginal ultrasound and taking educated guesses.
Five to six weeks.
Not four weeks or one week.
And what had we done five weeks ago?
Q had come home obliterated and gone rogue. He’d strangled me, bit me, fucked me like the animal he was. And I’d adored every delicious debased second.
He’d knocked me up while doing the one thing he thought was stopping me from getting pregnant. The past few weeks of tame vanilla had been for nothing. He’d ruined our happy coexistence all because of some pigheaded idiocy.
Damn man.
My heart growled all while it bubbled with happiness.