“I shouldn’t have been surprised,” he said, not looking at her. “Ben was great, but geeky and not really the kind of guy women go for. He would have grown out of it and found someone who appreciated him but…” He shrugged.
Elissa’s heart began to ache. “She wasn’t in love with him.”
“No.” He stared at the letter. “All I wanted was for his family to know how great he was. I just wanted there to be one person who had loved him, who would miss him and know the world was a better place for him having been in it.”
Walker’s pain filled the room and pressed in on her until she found it difficult to breathe. It wasn’t the sort of ache that could be helped by a shot or a pill and she didn’t have the words to release him from his burden. Unless…
She took the envelope from him and opened it. She scanned the typed contents, then began to read.
“I met Ben the first day he landed in Afghanistan. If ever a new recruit had been out of place, it was him. But in less than a week, Ben was the guy everybody knew and everybody liked. He had the soul of a poet, but the heart of a warrior. He was the bravest man I’ve ever met.”
She read on as Walker’s words detailed Ben’s service and sacrifice.
“I know this is a time of grief, but I hope you’ll eventually be able to see past that to the hero he was. I’ll never forget him. He will always be a part of me, just like he’s a part of you. He made me proud to be a soldier and a Marine. He made me proud to be an American.”
She wiped away her tears and folded the letter. “You can stop looking, Walker. Not because there isn’t anyone, but because you’re Ben’s family. You always have been. The person you’ve looking for…is you.”
He stared at her for a long time. Then he bent over and gently gathered her against him as he shook with emotion.
“I miss him,” he said, his voice gruff. “Every day.”
“Then he’s not really gone. He lives in you and through you. He lives in me and everyone else you tell about him.”
Walker heard her words and knew she spoke the truth about all of it. He was Ben’s family. In a way he’d always known that, but he resisted it because he’d wanted Ben to have more. Someone not so flawed and broken.
“I should have—”
She reached up and pressed her fingers to his mouth. “No. No should haves, no blaming, no guilt. He was your friend and you loved him. You will mourn him. No one can ask for more.”
For the first time in more than a decade, peace settled over him. He felt the loss of Ben, just as he felt the loss of Charlotte. He’d made mistakes, but he’d loved them both. And they’d loved him.
“We’re not perfect,” Elissa was saying. “No one is. We have to learn to accept our faults and move on.”
She was so damn serious, he thought as he bent down and kissed her. He liked that about her. Her serious side and her laughter. How she made jewelry and loved her daughter and took care of Mrs. Ford and stayed strong.
“I love you,” he said.
She stared at him. “What? I had a whole speech prepared.”
He smiled. “About what?”
“I can’t remember now. You love me?”
“Totally. And Zoe.”
“She said you were her daddy.”
“I am by every definition but biology.” He touched her cheek. “Although I should have talked to you first.”
She looked dazed. “No, this is fine. You really love me? This isn’t the painkiller talking?”
He kissed her, careful to be gentle against her bruises. “I love you, Elissa. I’ve been locked up tight for so long, I barely remember what it’s like to live, but I want to learn again. I want to be with you in every sense of the word. I don’t know if this is right for you or just scary. I don’t know anything except you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
She blinked several times. “You love me and you want to marry me?”
“Absolutely.”
“Okay.”
He looked at her. “Okay?”
She grinned. “Okay.”
“So you love me, too?”
She sighed. “You’re not too bad. Decent in bed, handy around the house. Sure, you’ll do.”
He growled. “I was hoping for more.”
She leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes. “I knew you were special from the first moment I figured out you were too surly to be a serial killer.”
This had to be the drugs talking, he thought. “Excuse me?”
“Serial killers. Everyone always says how nice they are. You’re not especially nice. You have a temper, you can be distant. But I’ve seen how you look at Zoe and I know you’d take on the world to protect her.”
That was true. “And you.”
She sighed. “And me. You make my heart beat faster, just by walking into the room. You’re sweet and tender and funny and I wanted to die when I saw you kiss that bitch.”
“What—oh, Naomi. Elissa, it wasn’t like that.”
“Did you or did you not see her naked?”
He swallowed. “Did I mention I love you?”
“Uh-huh. Which is why I’m letting it go.”
“Do you want to marry me?” he asked.
She snuggled into her pillows and he knew she was fading fast. “Uh-huh.”