Irreplaceable

I sighed, a single tear escaping my closed eyes. He’d see this was only lust, and maybe then, after these feelings were squashed, we could find our way back to friends—or, if he wanted then, nothing at all.

“Good night, Logan. Happy birthday,” I murmured into the darkness.

“Good night, Cassandra.” His voice was barely audible when he added, “Sleep well, sweetheart.”

My heart clenched, swelling in my chest and bulging against my ribcage as I lay there the entire night, unable to sleep. Tears beckoned, but I refused to shed more. I wouldn’t let him see what the thought of losing him for good would do to me.

He’d made it clear: he didn’t want to be friends, so now it was time to move on…one way or another.

Chapter Sixteen

Revealing

Hilary and I walked down Main Street, spending the afternoon shopping. I hadn’t told her what happened only a few days earlier with the man I refused to think about. I had a feeling the spa day she insisted dragging me to on her dime was to get me spilling.

“What you thinking about over there?”

I opened my eyes, head down in the face rest of the massage table. How did she think I was feeling? The kneading and massaging to my back were exactly what the doctor ordered.

“Nothing. Completely relaxed,” I murmured, then closed my eyes and allowed my conscience to drift into a peaceful tranquility.

“I’m glad.”

That was all? No inquisition on where Logan and I disappeared to that night, or how Caleb saw me sneaking out at the break of dawn?

The massage continued without another word spoken from her table, which was situated next to mine. My mind clicked off, and I drifted to heaven.

“You awake?”

“Hmmm.”

“Come on, massage is over,” Hilary giggled.

I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to remain glued to that table for as long as possible.

“Oh, hi Logan!”

What the hell!?

I jumped up, grasping my towel to my body, whipping my head around the room. I found only one person, and that was Hilary and Hilary alone. She sucked in her lips, restraining her cheeky grin.

“Sorry, had to get you up before they kicked us out.” She shrugged a shoulder innocently.

“Low, very low.” I climbed down and followed her back to the changing room, my head still spinning from the lack of oxygen, my reserves depleted by her joke.

“Hey, how you feeling?”

When is everyone going to stop asking me that? My answer was always the same, no matter how often everyone asked: fine. I was always fine.

But instead of replaying my usual response, I switched it up for the concerned guy treating us to yet another meal on the house.

“Peachy.” I smiled widely and brightly.

Caleb chuckled. “Glad to hear it. And what about you, baby? Are you feeling peachy this afternoon? ‘Cause if not…” He let his words hang and dipped down, ensnaring Hilary’s lips with his.

My menu went up in my hands, and I looked it over as though I didn’t already know what I was about to order. The moan Hilary let out when he pulled away made me smile. The girl was deliriously happy.

“So, we gonna get some waters over here or should I give up now?” I teased.

“Water? You sure?” Caleb pressed, glancing between Hilary and me.

“Yep. It’s supposed to cleanse the soul or, at least, that’s what we’ve spent the day hearing. The more water the better, so keep it coming. I’ve got serious demons that need to be flushed out.”

He eyed me a moment longer, then nodded with a thin, knowing smile.

Yeah, I had a demon, all right. One in particular latched on tight.

Immediately, Caleb sent the waiter over with two tall glasses of water, with lemons attached to the rims.

“A demon, huh? Does he have a name?” Hilary asked, an entertained smile playing on her lips as she squeezed a lemon into her water.

I took a breath and readied myself for what I was about to say. It had been over a month since the accident, and it was time to talk it out with my best friend to help sort out my feelings.

“I was going to sleep with him,” I confessed, looking up hesitantly.

Her posture relaxed, and she dropped her straw in the cup. “New Year’s?”

I nodded. “Yeah, but then Natasha showed up, and…” I shook my head and stared down into my glass, twirling my straw. “…he changed. Something happened to him. He was cold, and…harsh.”

She waited patiently for me to find the right words.

“We were in the alley here, and I thought if I could just get him back home, I could talk to him. Get him to open up and let me in.” I closed my eyes tightly as I continued, attempting to block the images of that night. “We were kissing, really going at it, and I stopped him.”

“Oh my God! Did he—”

“No!” I cut off her thought. The look of horror on her face pushed me to spit out the rest.

“He didn’t do anything. I told him he needed to go home and get some sleep, and he snapped. Said all he wanted was…” I lowered my voice in shame and embarrassment. “…to fuck me.”

The sigh she released crashed over me, weighing me down. I tried to brush it off and continued.

“Anyway, long story short, I left a crying mess, which is why I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt or why, when that car blew through the red light, I didn’t even see it coming.”

Hilary was quiet for a long while, waiting, it seemed, in case I had more to say, but I was done.

“What he said to you was cruel, and you can be damn sure I’m going to knock him in the nuts the next time I see the bastard.”

At the awkward clearing of a throat, we both looked up to see the paled waiter standing at our table, and from the look on his face and squirm in his hips, he’d definitely caught her statement. I flushed with embarrassment as Hilary dug into her meal happily, oblivious.

There was no reason to reply to that statement after the waiter left. Hilary could be my guest. I took a sip of the cool water and relaxed into the booth.

“So now you know why I wasn’t thrilled about his constant visiting, or the fact that he offered to pay my hospital bills.”

Her gaze shifted side to side—her usual nervous tick.

“What?” I prompted.

“Nothing.” Head down, she focused on digging her fork around the salad in front of her, searching for another black olive.

“Tell me!”

“He didn’t offer to pay your hospital bills—he did pay them. Handed over his credit card and demanded every bill be charged to him.”

I rolled my eyes. I’d assumed him paying was to come out of the check I tore up. Of course I was wrong. That explained why I had yet to receive any bills.

Fine, I’d do things my way.

“I’ll speak to the hospital first thing in the morning. Find out how much it was and pay him back.”

She gave me a skeptical stare. “With what? You sent your mom on that cruise with the rest of your inheritance.”

“I’m refinancing the house. Don’t worry about it. And if you speak a word of this to my mother, I’ll tell Caleb all about your little Winnie the Pooh phobia!”

“Pipe down, girl! Shit, I wasn’t going to tell her, but you better keep your mouth shut. You swore on it! Last thing I need is Caleb waking me up with that creepy bear!” Her entire body shuddered.