Irreplaceable

“Julia? Three years ago?”

My face scrunched up as I redid the math in my head.

“Exactly. When you catch your sixteen-year-old sister on a date with a grown man when she’s supposed to be home sound asleep, you tend to throw a few swings.”

“But you two seem to get along now.”

“That’s because he was smart enough not to swing back. I got in one good blow, my sister hanging off my back screaming for me to stop, and I could tell by the way he stared up at her he didn’t know she was underage. My sister was a spoiled brat back then, and with one stomp of her foot, she showed her maturity and he apologized. Even offered to buy me a round.”

I listened, impressed how easily men could get over things.

“Julia wasn’t too happy about it, but he and I became fast friends.”

“So when he moved back to Harmony…”

“Julia wanted to move here first, which I later found out had to do with Mark. I told Caleb I was thinking about purchasing the paper that I’d heard was looking for a buyer to keep an eye on her, and next thing I know, he tells me he bought an old diner to fix up. Said it was past time to return home.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing—or worse, that there was so much about Logan I didn’t really know. The time we spent together over the fall was great, but aside from a few conversations about Natasha, he’d rarely opened up about his past.

“So I have to ask…” I smiled to myself, catching my bottom lip between my teeth, knowing this was none of my business but wanting the information nonetheless. “Did Caleb ever talk about Hilary after he moved back?”

A chuckle rumbled in his chest. “That’s such a girl thing to ask, sweetheart.” He shook his head, grinning. “And here I thought you had a little more class than that.”

I reached over and smacked his chest. “Just curious.”

Logan caught my arm, and with bated breath, I watched him place it to his lips and kiss my palm before holding it against him, over his beating heart. I didn’t move—not even when he laid his hand over mine, all but trapping it.

I couldn’t look away from where my hand lay, but his eyes on me pulled my attention up his chest slowly to meet his soft eyes. With a release of breath, I relaxed, my hand comfortable on his warm chest. The thump of each beat of his heart soothed something deep within me.

“The guy had it bad,” Logan said, puncturing our silence. “Something about remembering Hilary always hanging around your place as kids. He said he never thought about her one way or another back then, but the night of the open house, he was hooked. Wouldn’t shut up about how much she grew up.”

I couldn’t stop smiling, relieved to know Caleb was in it as much as Hilary was. We lay there a while longer, enjoying the closeness, at least, for the night.

“My father left my mom and me for my babysitter,” I said, unsure why I was opening up. It was just so easy with him.

“I’m sorry.”

I didn’t need to say more. It just felt good to get it out.

Minutes passed in a silent, enjoyable calm.

“Thank you…for this,” he said as my body began to relax and mold into the mattress, my hand still on him. The easiness between us weighed on my conscience as I pulled my hand free from under his slowly. The thump of his heart began to quicken, but I knew it was for the best.

Staring up into nothing again, I struggled to control my emotions. It felt good to be there with each other—too good, too comfortable. Like when we were friends.

“I forgive you.” My voice was as weak as my pulse, and I was stunned I was able to speak those words aloud. I hadn’t even known it was true until it fell out of my lips.

The intensity in the gaze he set on me was too heavy for me to look his way.

“Cassandra, I wasn’t trying to push you to—”

Hearing the nerves evident in his voice, I rolled to face him, smiling softly.

“I know, and that’s not why I’m saying it. I just want you to know I understand that Natasha coming back that night was a shock to you.”

“It doesn’t make up for—” I placed my pointer finger over his lips.

“We were friends—amazing friends—and I know you were hurting that night when you saw her. I should have gotten Caleb to take you home, or…I don’t know.” My finger fell away, and we both lay there on our sides, gazes locked on each other.

“I just wish I could forget. I wish it never happened, but it did, and it left me with all these insecurities I can’t get past.” I paused briefly. “Logan, I want to be your friend…I do…but this thing between us, it’s not love. I don’t know what it is, but until we work it out, I can’t be around you like this. It’s too painful.”

Logan lay there, his eyes glistening in the darkness, and nodded slowly. “I won’t give up. Love’s not supposed to be easy, and this is love, Cassandra. You’ll never convince me otherwise. I know you’re scared to believe in me again, but I’m not that guy anymore. Not with you.”

“How can you say that? How can you go from having sex with multiple women to just…me?”

“It’s not even a thought that’s crossed my mind. I told you—they never meant a thing to me. It’s only you, Cassandra.”

My eyes prickled with unshed tears. “What if I’m not enough?” I breathed out in a nearly silent whisper. My darkest fear lay out before us.

“How can you ask that?”

“Logan,” I sighed. “I’ve been with one guy my entire life—a guy who cheated on me God knows how many times. There’s only one reason he would have done that: I wasn’t en—”

“Enough!”

Exactly, I thought, rolling onto my back. Logan reached an arm under me, pulling me over to his side. My head rested over his naked chest, where my hand had been minutes earlier.

With a gentle kiss to my forehead, he whispered, “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you how remarkable you are, and that what we have is more than lust.”

“You don’t know that. What if it isn’t?”

“I’ve experienced lust enough times before to know it’s never felt like this. If that’s all I wanted, I would have had you in every position imaginable on this mattress tonight, burying myself in you.”

I closed my eyes, wishing that were a possibility. Maybe friends with benefits? Logan had brought that up once when we first became friends, and the thought had appalled me. But now it didn’t sound so bad. Anything more was too much. He’d slept with those two women hours after saying he wanted only me. I couldn’t trust him—not with my heart.

“We’ll see,” I said, my eyelids growing heavy.

I could spend every night lying there, my head twisting up to the nook of his neck when he tugged me closer.

“I can offer friends, Logan. That’s all,” I whispered into the darkness.

“No. I won’t settle for that.”

“So it’s all or nothing?” I asked, my chin quivering.

Would this be the one and only time he held me in his arms?

“Yes. I won’t pretend that we’re nothing more than friendly neighbors. You can’t ask for that—anything but that.”