“What do you mean, not allowed?”
“Well, we’re allowed to communicate with our loved ones. But we’re not supposed to interfere in a way that will mess up their lives. We’re not supposed to upset your path. What I mean is, I’m not supposed to put you in a position where you will want to live in the past, and not move forward. I’m not making any sense, am I?” Austen tugged at his hair. “It’s hard to explain this to you. It’s different once you’re here…on the soul level. Things are clearer.”
“I think I understand,” Katherine nodded, but her eyes were still clouded with confusion.
“Katherine, when I saw you…I almost lost my breath. I tried to tell myself to turn around and walk out of that room, but I couldn’t.” Austen paused for a moment and looked into her eyes.
“I just wanted to be near you. My heart felt like it was about to explode inside my chest, it was filled with so much love at just seeing your face. So I told myself that I’d try to reach you one time. I’d try to see if I could get into your dreams that night. I didn’t know if it would even work. But I got into your mind so easily at first.”
Her eyes lit up.
“I wasn’t sure you’d remember the dream,” Austen continued. “But you did. When I saw how affected you were by it—how you could sense me around you even after you were awake—it was almost too much for me. When I saw that you couldn’t let the idea of me go, I couldn’t either. It would be like asking the waves to stop crashing onto the shore. The water is pulled toward the sandy shoreline in the same way I’m pulled toward you. You are my shore.” He touched her face and her stomach flipped.
For once since the craziness started, she began to understand. “Why can’t I remember?” She clarified, “Our other lives, I mean.”
“It doesn’t work like that while you’re still living. Otherwise, we’d all be too wrapped up in the memories of the past to live in the present. That’s what I meant about messing up your path.”
“But you remember?”
“I remember everything. I can see all we’ve shared even though you can’t. How could anyone, living or otherwise, expect me to stay away from you with that knowledge? I’m not that strong.”
“What do I tell Taylor?”
“Remind her that I had no self-control for the things I loved when I was alive, and tell her I’m still the same way. She’ll get a kick out of that.” He laughed and it made Katherine smile.
She heard what he said about love, and couldn’t resist the urge to ask, “You love me?”
“I don’t know how not to.” He kissed her and she struggled to breathe.
Chapter Eight
Katherine opened her eyes and looked over at Taylor, who was still sleeping. She sat in bed and replayed everything Austen had just told her.
“So did you see him last night?” Taylor’s voice interrupted her retrospection.
“Yes.” Katherine only wanted to give Taylor information if she asked for it. She didn’t want to confuse or hurt her any more than was necessary.
“Well? Did he say anything?”
“He wanted me to tell you he was sorry for all of this and that you know he doesn’t have any self-control when it comes to the things he loves.”
Taylor smiled through her falling tears. “What did he mean by that?” Katherine asked her.
“When Austen loved something he had to have it. He fell in love with this puppy one day walking past the grocery store and even though we couldn’t afford to have a dog, Austen got him anyway.”
“Brody?” Katherine wondered.
“Yeah? How’d you…oh wait, is Brody there too?” Taylor’s eyes opened widely.
“He’s usually with your brother. I love that dog,” Katherine smiled.
“Well that makes me happy. You know, that they’re together. Brody died right after Austen did and I always hoped they had each other.”
Katherine nodded and smiled softly.
“So anyway, he had to have the dog. But he paid for everything himself. And he had to make the varsity wrestling team, even though they said he’d never make weight. And when he decided that he liked Kylie, he had to have her too.”
Katherine’s face dropped…followed closely by her stomach. “Even though she was dating someone else at the time. He just wanted what he wanted. Not in a selfish, screw you, kind of way. It’s just that Austen always felt things deeper than other people. He didn’t see the sense in letting the things he wanted get away from him. You know what I mean?”
“Austen and Kylie?” Katherine choked on the words. She grabbed at her stomach and tightly closed her eyes. “No wonder there’s always been that weirdness between us.”
“You didn’t know?” Taylor sounded surprised.
“I had no idea. I mean, I never even thought about it, but of course he would have had a girlfriend.”
“Yeah. That’s how I met Kylie. She bugged me a lot at first. But after Austen died, we got really close.”
“Were there any other girls?” Katherine needed to be mentally prepared in case they ran into any of Austen’s exes while they were in town.
“No, it was just Kylie. They dated for almost two years, I think.”
“Were they together when he had his accident?”
“No. They had already broken up. But it hadn’t been long. Kylie was an absolute wreck,” Taylor shuddered.
Jealousy consumed Katherine’s body and mind. She was so envious that Kylie got to kiss Austen, hold his hand and be loved by him. Thoughts of them together made Katherine want to throw up. No matter how hard she tried to rid the made up images of Kylie and Austen from her imagination, they refused to leave. She was thankful when her cell phone beeped, quickly followed by Taylor’s.
“Text from Cooper,” Katherine said out loud.
“Kylie,” Taylor commented. “What did Cooper say?”
“Hope you’re having a great time at Tay’s. I miss you and can’t wait to see you.” Katherine placed the phone at her side.
“You’re not going to text him back?” Taylor asked as she typed out a response to Kylie.
“I can’t right now. I don’t even know what to say without feeling like I’m lying.”
“What are you talking about? Just write back and tell him you miss him too and you’ll talk to him later. Simple as that.”
“I don’t know if I miss him or not. I don’t want to write something I don’t mean,” Katherine buried her head into her hands.
“Of course you miss him, Kat. Your emotions are just all over the place right now.”
“I hope you’re right,” she admitted. “So, what did Kylie say?”
“She knows we’re in town and she wants to stop by. I can’t tell her ‘no.’”
“Of course not. Are we telling her? She knows about the dream guy, remember? What if she asks?” Katherine didn’t want to see Kylie, but knew it was unavoidable.
“Hopefully she won’t even remember. But Kat, she never got over my brother so I don’t think telling her this stuff would be a good idea,” Taylor warned. “I’m not sure how she’d react and I think it would hurt her more than anything else.”
“I don’t want that.” Even though it pained Katherine to think about Austen and Kylie together, she didn’t want to hurt her.
Taylor looked over at Katherine and said, “I want you to know that I really loved my brother, Katherine. He was a great guy and I honestly wish you two could have met. You would have loved him.”
Taylor stifled a small laugh before she continued, “He was my best friend. It was the worst thing in my world to lose him. I just want you to know that it gives me comfort to know that he’s still around.”
Taylor’s words made Katherine smile. “Thank you so much. I’ve been so worried you wouldn’t understand.”
“I’m not sure I do, but I’m too hungry to try to figure it out right now,” Taylor rubbed her belly. “Don’t say anything to my family, okay?”
“Oh my gosh, Taylor, I would never. But hey, are we okay? I mean, me and you?” Katherine wanted to make sure that Taylor wasn’t holding anything back.
Taylor walked over to Katherine and gave her a hug before she said, “This is really weird and it’s a lot to take in. I know that maybe I should be more weirded out, right? Like maybe I should be completely freaking out or something? But I honestly just don’t feel that way. The truth is, for whatever reason, I’m kind of happy my brother talks to you.”
Katherine let out a huge sigh of relief as her shoulders relaxed, “Thank you.”
The girls smiled at each other with watery eyes. Katherine took one last glance at the picture of Taylor and Austen on the beach and headed out of the bedroom.
The girls showered and ate. They made small talk with Taylor’s parents before they walked outside to feed the horses. Taylor showed Katherine how much food to give them and how to attach the buckets to the stall. She did some light cleaning in the barn and stopped by the poker room to give her brother a hug.
“God, Matty, don’t you ever go home?” Taylor teased him.
“I only go home when you’re not around. Where’s my hug?” Matty stood up with open arms and Taylor leaped into them.
“I’d treat you like crap if I didn’t love you so much.” Taylor planted a big wet kiss on his cheek and Matty pretended to faint while he clutched at his chest.
“I know you have some new hockey stud boyfriend, but he’s got nothing on me. One day, Taylor Dailey, you’ll be mine and you know it.” She lifted her eyebrows and gave him a smirk before she walked out.
“It is so funny how much that kid loves you,” Katherine said with a laugh.
“I know. He always has. Not for nothing, but isn’t he adorable? Those dimples…oh, they kill me every time!”
“Oh my God! You totally love him! You’re going to ditch Danny and start dating a high school boy,” Katherine teased, and poked Taylor in the arm.
“Well at least he’s alive.” The moment the words escaped Taylor’s mouth, Katherine’s face dropped and her legs stopped moving. “Oh my God, Katherine, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
Katherine looked at her with hurt in her eyes. She wondered how Taylor could even think something so cruel, let alone say it out loud. But then logic seeped in and Katherine begrudgingly admitted, “It’s okay. I mean, you’re right. That just hurt.”
“I know. I don’t know what got into me. He’s my brother...I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Shouldn’t have said what?” Kylie’s snarky tone congested the air.
“Hey, Kyles! Nothing, we were just talking about Blake and Matty.” Taylor shot Katherine a look and then gave Kylie a quick squeeze.
Katherine hesitated and then did the same, “It’s good to see you again.”
