An undercurrent of hurt flowed beneath those simple words. No matter what choice she made, someone would suffer. She hated bearing the weight of others’ happiness on her shoulders. “If I don’t take Gracie and Pearl to Scotland, what chance do they have? You know as well as I they cannot live with me in London, and leaving Gracie with Lavinia is out of the question. Lavinia and I agree it’s not the best place for her. I cannot abandon my sisters again.”
“You did not abandon them. Don’t allow guilt to guide your decisions. I’ve traveled that road and it leads to no place pleasant.”
She cocked her head to the side, not understanding.
“Gabrielle,” he said. “I offered marriage to a woman I didn’t love, because I thought it would help Eve. I knew Gabrielle didn’t want to marry me, but I was driven to do right by my sister and I ignored what I knew was morally right. I should have released Gabrielle from the betrothal. Instead, I made matters worse for everyone.”
“You aren’t to blame for trying to make a good marriage match.”
“If you know two people love each other and come between them, you are responsible for everyone’s misery.”
She shook her head. “No, and I don’t see how this is relevant to our situation.”
“Because you are coming between us, or rather you are letting guilt get in our way.”
How could she argue? Guilt gnawed at her like a hound with a bone, but wasn’t he coming between them too? “You could live at Aldmist Fell.”
“I am needed here.” Irritation flared in his eyes. “My land is in England, and my duties require me to be accessible. There is more involved than making an appearance when the House of Lords is in session. I am cosponsoring an act to provide housing for soldiers injured in the war and—”
She held up a hand. “I am sorry. I was not thinking properly.”
His bluster died away, and he deflated on a long exhale. “No, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to be condescending. Fulfilling my role is important to me, and I tend to become dogmatic about it.”
Dogmatic, fiery, incredibly handsome when passion lit his eyes. If he were not opposing her, she would enjoy this side of him more.
He reached for her hand. There was a twinge of sadness to his smile. “I need you to understand why it is important.”
An ache throbbed in her chest. She couldn’t stand the thought of him hurting. She nodded to show she was listening.
“I wasn’t born with noble blood. My grandfather was only a doctor, but he was a successful one.”
Helena tried to hide her surprise, but her eyes widened. His origins were not so different from hers.
“Grandfather purchased a captain’s commission for my father in the cavalry when he was seventeen and charged him with distinguishing himself. Father always did as he was told and became quite the soldier, by all accounts. I was a young boy when he was deployed to Ireland to suppress the rebellions. When he returned, the King created the barony for Father as reward for his service.” Sebastian’s lips set in a grim line. “Mother said he was never the same after he returned from war. He had nightmares and sometimes thought he was back in New Ross. He couldn’t predict the spells, and after he had one in the House of Lords, he couldn’t make himself return. My father never finished the work most important to him, so I have taken up his cause.”
Suddenly, she felt foolish for asking him to come to Scotland. His place was here, but where did that leave them?
He shifted toward her, a sense of urgency in his tone. “My father sacrificed his sanity for us—Eve, Mother, me. I cannot let it be for naught. I have a duty to him that I cannot ignore.”
They sat in silence. She didn’t know what to say. Understanding didn’t make their situation easier. She squeezed his hand. “In the dining room, you said there might be a way for everyone to be happy. Is there really a chance?”
“There is always a chance, Helena.”
She took a moment to roll the word around in her head. A chance implied risk. Possibly failure. And consequences if they failed. Chance had been her enemy all her life. It had taken her home, her freedom. And yet, no matter how small the chance of success, it became a sliver of hope embedded in her heart.