"You lied to me when you told me you hadn't talked to Blair," I say. "You lied when you said you hadn't talked to her since June and I believed you."
"I know. It was awkward. I felt bad about that. I'm sorry."
I move to the bathroom. I try to brush my hair. My hand is shaking so hard I can't hold the brush.
"I didn't mean to f**k with you," he says.
"I just want to know one thing," I say. "It keeps bothering me."
"What is it?"
"Why did you set me up with Rain if - "
Chapter 14
Julian cuts me off as if he knows the rest of the question. "You've been around a long time. You know how this town works. You've been through it before." And then his voice softens. "I just didn't know how f**ked up you got over Meghan Reynolds until it was too late."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that but what I can't understand is that if you knew Rip was so crazy about Rain why did you ... " I stand in front of Julian, my arms at my sides, but I can't look at him until I force myself to. "Why did you put me in danger?" I ask. "You pushed her onto me even after you knew how Rip felt? You pushed her onto me even though you thought he maybe had something to do with Kelly?"
"Clay, I never thought that he had anything to do with Kelly," Julian says. "Those were just rumors that - "
"You wanted me to help her and I tried, Julian, but now I realize you didn't care whether I got hurt or not."
This moves something in Julian and his face tightens and his voice begins to rise. "Look, it's really cool you're trying to help me out here, but why do you keep thinking Rip was involved with Kelly's death? Do you know something? Do you have any proof? Or are you just making shit up like you always do?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Stop it," he says and suddenly he's a different person. "You've done this so many times before, Clay. I mean, come on, dude, it's a joke. Yeah, you tell people shit, but have you ever really gotten anybody anything?" he asks sincerely. "I mean, you promise shit and maybe you get them closer but, dude, you're lying all the time - "
"Julian, come on, don't - "
"And what I found out is that you really won't do anything for anybody," he says. "Except for yourself." The gentle way he says this forces me to finally turn away. "This, like, delusional fantasy you have of yourself is ... " He pauses. "Come on, dude, it's a joke." He pauses again. "It's kind of embarrassing."
I force myself to grin in order to lighten the moment and not scare him away.
"Why are you smiling?" he asks.
"It must be a pretty good act," I say. "This ... fantasy I have of myself."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you bought into it," I say.
"I never thought you'd actually fall for her."
"Why did you think that?"
"Because Blair told me how cold you could be."
Can you drive?" Julian asks as the elevator heads down to the garage. "Or do you want me to?"
"No, I can drive," I say. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," Julian says. "Let's just get this over with."
"Let him have her," I whisper.
"We're leaving tonight," he says.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm not telling you."
Driving along Sunset I keep checking the rearview mirror and Julian sits in the passenger seat texting someone, probably Rain, and I keep turning on the radio and then turning it off but he doesn't notice, and then we're crossing Highland and the Eurythmics song fades into a voice from the radio talking about the aftershocks from an earthquake earlier, something that I slept through, and I have to roll down all the windows and pull the car over three times in order to steady myself because I keep hearing sirens all around us and my eyes are fixed on the rearview mirror because two black Escalades are following us and the last time I pull over, in front of the Cinerama Dome, Julian finally asks, "What's wrong? Why do you keep stopping?" and where Sunset Boulevard and Hollywood intersect I smile at him coolly as if this is all going to be okay, because in the condo I felt like I was sinking into a rage but now, turning onto Hillhurst, I'm feeling better.
Outside a building past Franklin that's surrounded by eucalyptus trees Julian gets out of the BMW, and starts walking toward the entrance just as I receive a text that says don't get out of the car, and when Julian realizes I'm still sitting in the driver's seat he turns around and our eyes lock. A black Escalade pulls up behind the BMW and flashes its headlights over us. Julian leans into the opened passenger window.