“Ana didn’t come home last night,” she began abruptly. I didn’t speak, but Lydia didn’t seem to be expecting me to. She paused for a moment, expressions flickering across her face like changing TV channels. “We heard about Terry and Drew yesterday. They were our friends. Last night, I . . .” Lydia broke off, shaking her head. She tried to speak again, but choked on the words.
I studied her. I don’t know how I knew, but somehow I did. “You tried to end your life,” I whispered.
Lydia cringed, a werewolf gesture, and I knew I was right. We sat there for a few minutes without speaking. I didn’t want to push her to talk about it—and every minute we were away from Molly’s house gave Eli more time to get away too.
Finally she cleared her throat and met my eyes again. “I don’t have any illusions about Ana. I know she can be too intense. And, you know”—she gave me a tiny smile—“dogged.”
“I think she’s mostly just been trying to help you,” I said carefully. Here I was again, in a conversation where I couldn’t use the past tense for a dead person. Only this one was one that I’d killed personally.
Lydia flinched. “She’s been so worried. She’s been doing things . . .” She shook her head. “Things I never would have thought she’d do.”
“Like changing in between moons?” I said gently, on a hunch.
Before Lydia could respond, the waitress came back with a pot of coffee and filled our mugs.
Lydia took a long sip of hers before meeting my eyes defiantly. “I figured you knew about that. She thought it would help me if we went up to Kings Canyon, away from the pack.” She shook her head and continued, voice quiet, “Something changed, though, and she’s been scheming with Terry ever since, giving me these looks like I might suddenly sprout fur at any moment . . . But that’s not the point. Last night, she said she was going to follow you. Get you to give her the cure.”
She paused, as if waiting for my reaction, but I stayed silent. My dad used to say that it was a lot harder to get in trouble if you kept quiet. “Ana and I have been together seven years, did you know that?” Lydia added abruptly, her expression shifting around again. I shook my head. “The whole time, I had no idea what she was. Seven fucking years.” She set her coffee cup down hard and leaned forward. “But now I know. And I know what you do for them now, your job. And my thinking is that Ana came after you last night and you killed her.”
“I . . .” I swallowed, at a complete loss for words.
Lydia watched me steadily for a moment, and then leaned back with disappointed satisfaction on her face. “That’s what I thought,” she said, in the same quiet, eerily calm voice. “I’m not going to ask you where she is, or whether or not she’s coming home. But there’s something I do want to ask you.”
I nodded, trying to keep myself together. I kept seeing Anastasia’s blood pouring down, the way it had felt splashing hot on my stomach.
“Where is Eli?” Lydia asked me.
That wasn’t what I’d been expecting. I didn’t answer. Couldn’t. Instead, I took a long sip of my coffee, which is the lamest way to stall, but I had no idea what to say. A big part of me wanted to just come clean, consequences be damned. This woman deserved to know what had happened to her girlfriend. She deserved the truth. But if I gave it to her, would I be making things better, or worse? I had thought changing Eli would make things better, and I’d been so wrong . . .
Sensing I wasn’t going to respond, Lydia added, “Because here’s the thing. If Eli wasn’t cured, if Ana really was just losing her mind this whole time, then that’s really sad, but I kind of get it. A crazy werewolf, running around stirring up trouble . . . I hate it, and I miss her, but I understand too. Now more than ever.”
She leaned forward, eyes piercing me. “But if Anastasia was right, and you-all killed her just to keep things convenient for some goddamned asset, then may God have mercy on your souls.”
I blinked, and a chill went through me as I realized that I was the asset. I sat frozen in my seat, Lydia staring at me, as waitresses and busboys and customers bustled around us, laughing and yelling and complaining to each other. The sun had drifted out from behind the clouds at some point, and a beam of sunshine had traveled through the blinds on the big picture window next to us, striping the skin on my wrist. I suppressed a weird urge to recoil from it.
Finally I said the only honest thing I could think of. “I don’t know where Eli is.”
Lydia nodded again, the same weird twitchy expressions moving across her face. She dug in her pocket for a moment, and by the time it occurred to me to be afraid of a weapon she had produced a $5 bill. “Then I’ll make it really easy for you. The pack is gathering tomorrow night for the full moon. If Eli’s there before the moon sets, we’ll make plans for a memorial for Anastasia.” She stood up, keeping her voice low. “But if he’s not there, or not one of us, then I’ll get whoever will join me and I will bring fucking war down on all of you.” Her eyes closed and she swayed as if in pain. “And we’ll lose,” she whispered. “But I’ll take you with me.”
Lydia opened her eyes and tossed the bill on the table, while I sat there with my mouth open. “Coffee’s on me,” she added, and walked out the door.
Chapter 35
When I got back to Molly’s, I checked out the front window to make sure Lydia had really driven away. Then I took a few steps toward the stairs and yelled, “Eli? Are you here?” Listened. Nothing. I hadn’t seen his truck out front, but he could have parked on a side street, or in the garage where I kept my van. I sighed. I was going to have to stump all the way up the stairs to make sure, wasn’t I? Great.