There was no point in railing against that. The fisher-girl had no life-skills of a breadth and stature to challenge the assassin’s implacable will. Probably, Crokus had similarly succumbed to Cutter.
She sensed a presence close by her side, and murmured, ‘Would that you had taken all with you when you departed.’
‘You’d rather I left you bereft?’
‘Bereft, Cotillion? No. Innocent.’
‘Innocence is only a virtue, lass, when it is temporary. You must pass from it to look back and recognize its unsullied purity. To remain innocent is to twist beneath invisible and unfathomable forces all your life, until one day you realize that you no longer recognize yourself, and it comes to you that innocence was a curse that had shackled you, stunted you, defeated your every expression of living.’
She smiled in the darkness. ‘But, Cotillion, it is knowledge that makes one aware of his or her own chains.’
‘Knowledge only makes the eyes see what was there all along, Apsalar. You are in possession of formidable skills. They gift you with power, a truth there is little point in denying. You cannot unmake yourself.’
‘But I can cease walking this singular path.’
‘You can,’ he acknowledged after a moment. ‘You can choose others, but even the privilege of choice was won by virtue of what you were-’
‘What you were.’
‘Nor can that be changed. I walked in your bones, your flesh, Apsalar. The fisher-girl who became a woman-we stood in each other’s shadow.’
‘And did you enjoy that, Cotillion?’
‘Not particularly. It was difficult to remain mindful of my purpose. We were in worthy company for most of that time-Whiskeyjack, Mallet, Fiddler, Kalam… a squad that, given the choice, would have welcomed you. But I prevented them from doing so. Necessary, but not fair to you or them.’ He sighed, then continued, ‘I could speak endlessly of regrets, lass, but I see dawn stealing the darkness, and I must have your decision.’
‘My decision? Regarding what?’
‘Cutter.’
She studied the desert, found herself blinking back tears. ‘I would take him from you, Cotillion. I would prevent you doing to him what you did to me.’
‘He is that important to you?’