I slipped my fingers in his and he smiled as I trailed behind him to his bedroom. It was clean and smelled of laundry soap. I looked around, letting my eyes come to rest on the large bed in the center of the room. His eyes stayed pinned to me as he slipped off his shirt and began to unbuckle his belt.
“Maybe I should take the couch.” I turned towards the door willing myself to leave the room. Two strong arms wrapped themselves around my waist and he pulled me back against his body. The length of him pressed firmly against my bottom. He let out a small groan at the contact. The high of having him against me took over.
“Please don’t leave me.” His lips grazed my ear. I let my eyes fall closed. “Whatever you want from me… whatever you need from me I will give it to you, just please don’t leave me.”
“I want… I need… time.” I breathed as his breath tickled my neck. He reluctantly took a step back and let his arms fall to his sides. I took a deep breath and turned back to him. Our eyes locked and I wanted to be strong and run the other way but I just couldn’t. My hands went to my waist and I undid the button of my jeans. I wiggled my hips as I slipped them down my legs and kicked them off onto the floor.
William did the same as he watched me cautiously. I turned and slipped under the covers of the bed. After a moment, William did the same, careful not to touch me. I hated this. I hated the distance between us. It felt like we were a million miles apart. I knew it would be selfish of me to take advantage of him when he had no idea what had happened between us. Once his memory returned he would be the man who had lied to me and used me. He would be the man I had hated.
He wasn’t that man now. Right now, he just wanted to be near me. He may not remember us, but he knew we had something important. Right now, I needed that connection more than anything else. I reached below the covers and grabbed the hem of my shirt, dragging it over my head and tossing it on the floor.
William’s breath hitched and his fingers slowly slid across my hip. He pulled me toward him, making me to fall onto my back. He was on his side, hovering over me, his hand now cupping my jaw. My body was shaking. I wanted him. Needed him, but it had to be on my terms.
His minty breath blew into my mouth as we stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. I pushed back on his shoulder and he lay back as I slipped a leg over his waist. He stilled, afraid to touch me. Afraid I would run if he did something wrong. His confidence had left with his memories.
I tugged on his boxers and slid them down his legs, scratching him with my nails down his thighs. He was impossibly hard. I hovered over his waist as his hands came up to rub over my hipbones.
“I need you, Emma. Please…” His fingers slipped into the small scrap of fabric of my underwear, along my inner thigh.
“Ahhh…” I panted as he licked his lips.
I felt incredibly powerful and I understood why he enjoyed being in control.
“Rip them.” He looked up at me to see if he had heard me correctly. “Rip them off me.” I was panting. He looped his fingers in the fabric and gave a quick tug. They fell away from my body and he tossed them on the floor. I grabbed both of his hands and fell forward, pinning them next to his head. My mouth hovered over his as I let my hips drop, grazing his length with my wetness. We moaned together at the touch. I rotated my hips once more and he lifted his to increase the pressure.
“I want to touch you,” he groaned, and he lifted his hips to meet mine again. I shook my head.
I captured his bottom lip between my teeth and gave a gentle tug.
“Fuck,” he moaned, pushing against my hands.
“Bad boy,” I warned and pushed back against him. I slid myself against his length. I felt so powerful. It was amazing. All of the hurt, the pain that I had felt was replaced with lust. I licked his upper lip and his head came off the bed, capturing my lips in his. I let them fall open and he slipped his tongue inside, deepening our kiss. His hips lifted and I moaned into his mouth.
“Do you enjoy teasing me?” His tongue plunged back into my mouth. I had enjoyed it, but I enjoy this William more. The strong and aggressive man who knows exactly what I need. I needed to forget. I need to feel nothing but him.
“You don’t like it?” I was panting.
“I’ll take you any way I can get you.”
In one quick motion, he entered me. My back arched in pleasure as a small whimper escaped my lips. I hadn’t realized how empty I was without him until I finally had him again. I widened my legs, granting him deeper access. I let my head fall to the side as I panted, getting lost in the moment. I moved my hips in perfect synchronicity with his.
“God… I love you.” As the words left my mouth, his body suddenly stilled. I froze, terrified to look him in the eyes.
“You love me?”
I knew it was a stupid thing to say to a man who had no idea who I was. To him, this was just a casual fling. One of many he has had in his life, I am sure. Pain stabbed at my heart. I’m sure he was regretting bringing this stranger into his bed, no matter how drawn to me he felt.
“Look at me.” He wasn’t commanding like the William I knew. His voice was shaky. I slowly turned my head to look him in the eye. He stared at me quietly before his hips slowly began to rock into me. My body picked up where it had left off, my orgasm building deep inside of me as I stared into William’s eyes from above him.
Every emotion I had felt for him washed over me as my release finally came. He never became rough of forced me to do anything. It was exactly what I needed. I slid off his body and lay back on the mattress.
I turned on my side as his arms wrapped around me from behind and he trailed tiny kisses over my shoulder. My body shook against his as I cried silently to myself. His grip tightened but he did not say a word. He held me until I fell asleep in his arms.
I really was alone now. Even with William’s arms wrapped around me. He had no recollection of what he put me through, the loss I suffered before our accident. I felt empty and broken.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The next morning the smell of coffee surrounded me. I woke from a nightmare free night. At least his unknowing arms still offered me comfort. I stretched and slipped out of bed. I found my suitcase at the far side of his room and dug through it for a pair of underwear. All of my clothes had been washed and folded neatly back in the case. I was grateful considering William was making it a habit to rip apart my underwear. I would have to go shopping soon.
I got dressed and quietly tiptoed out into the expansive living area. I sat down at the island. William was leaning over the far counter, his back to me as he bent over, his hands in his dark hair. I wanted to run to him, to wrap my arms around him, but I couldn’t. I should have never slept with him last night. It was only a band-aid over our problems. They ran far too deep. My hand made a noise as I brought it down on the counter and William’s head shot up, realizing he was no longer alone.
“Sorry.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. He rolled his head from side to side, stretching his neck before grabbing the pot of coffee and filling two mugs.
He sat a steaming mug down in front of me, turning to dig some milk out of the fridge. I poured a heavy helping of sugar into my cup and he topped it off with a splash of milk.
“Thank you,” I whispered and took a small sip. William didn’t join me. He stayed on the far side of the counter, spinning the container of sugar over the surface. I blushed as I watched it in his hands, remembering a very fun morning with him on this very counter.
When I looked up his eyes where already on mine as he watched me.
“Do you… remember anything new?” I held my breath as he stared for another moment.
“I wish I did.” His eyes dropped back to the sugar before he released it and took a long drink from his mug. I nodded and focused on my cup, praying my pink cheeks would fade back to normal. I couldn’t allow my heart to be his without knowing the truth. At this rate, I wasn’t sure he would ever remember.
“Hungry?” William had turned to the fridge, and was pulling out breakfast foods. I shrugged my shoulders.
My appetite was still not making an appearance. I was too stressed out. “I think I’ll skip breakfast.”
He didn’t say anything. He began cracking eggs into a dish, adding a splash of milk and a few spices. As his pan heated, he diced up some lunchmeat and mozzarella to add to the concoction. I watched his muscles flex and pull in his back as he worked. I followed the lines of his tribal tattoo that wrapped up his arm and over his shoulder, disappearing over his chest.
I don’t know how long I was staring. Lost in the thought of him. He turned and placed to plates down on the counter. It smelled phenomenal, but my stomach was still in knots.
“I don’t think I can.” I placed a hand over my stomach as it filled with butterflies. He rounded the island and took a seat next to mine. His arm brushed against mine.
“You need to eat something.” He cut his food and placed a bite in his mouth.
“I’m fine, really.” I smiled politely and his face went expressionless.
“Eat.”
I guess some things never change. I picked up my fork and speared a small bite of eggs, blowing on it before sticking it in my mouth.
“Thanks.” I shot him an appreciative smile. He smiled back and continued to devour his breakfast.
When we finished eating, he stood to take our plates. I placed my hand on his wrists to stop him.
“Why don’t you let me get that?” I stood and grabbed the plates from his hands. I needed something to distract me. Anything to take my mind off him. I knew last night was a horrible mistake. It would be twice as hard to walk away when he begins to remember.
William’s hands snaked around my waist as I scrubbed our plates. I let my eyes fall closed for a second as he nuzzled into my neck.
“William…”
“Shh…” His lips brushed against my throat.
“I don’t think we should do this.” I struggled to keep my breath even but my heart was already racing.
“Don’t think.” His hand slipped to the waistband of my panties. His fingers dipping under the edge of the thin fabric.
“I can’t.”
All of the air left the room as William’s body stilled behind me. I opened my eyes as he backed away from my body. I turned to face him. He was running his hands through his hair and letting out a deep breath.
“What’s the problem?” His hands stretched out in front of him. I backed myself against the sink as I struggled not to run into his arms.
“You don’t remember…You don’t…” Tears filled my eyes as I swallowed the lump in my throat.
He stepped closer, filling the gap between us. His hands rubbed against my cheek.
“It doesn’t matter. Whatever happened doesn’t matter now. We are here. We both want to be with each other. Why fight it?” His thumb stroked the corner of my eye and I let them fall closed, bathing in his touch.
“I may not know what I did to hurt you so badly, but I know that we once loved each other. I know you still love me or you wouldn’t be here right now. I know it hurts you to be with me, but you are willing to suffer through the pain to be by my side.” His body moved closer until he was touching every part of me.
“I know I love you, too. I can feel it.” He took my and held it tightly on his chest. His heart was beating out of control.
“Give me a chance to make this right. I will do anything to make this right.”
My tears began to fall at his confession. My heart couldn’t take any more. I pushed my lips hard against his as his free hand slipped into my hair and held me firmly against him.
“I’m sorry,” He whispered into my mouth. “Start over with me. We can make new memories. I’ll be whoever you need me to be.”
I threw my arms around him and squeezed him as tightly as I could. I wanted that. More than anything. I needed that. I needed him.