“Yeah, well.” Julia crossed her arms over her chest. “Kathryn can be a manipulative bitch at times.”
Dani’s head reared back an inch.
“What? Like that’s news? We both know what she’s like.”
“Yeah, but.” Wow. Just wow. She never thought Julia would admit that.
Julia turned back, but stopped again. “You get on your high horse about how you’ve been the one left out. Like we did it on purpose, but it wasn’t us, Dani. You pulled away. You pulled away from everyone, even Mae. No one connected to you—”
“I never felt a part of the family.”
“Because you put yourself there. We’d be downstairs, and you would go up to your room. You never stayed and spent time with us. What were we supposed to do? You know,” disdain dripped from her voice, “it’s pretty pitiful that I’ve gotten to know you through my fiancé.” She wiped at a tear. “And I think it’s pathetic that you haven’t visited your own aunt in the nursing home.”
“She wouldn’t see me if I did go there,” Dani countered. “And you know that. Why would I volunteer for that humiliation?”
Julia waved that off. “How do you know Kathryn would turn you away?”
“Because she’s a manipulative bitch!”
“She’s dying. She’s already lost a niece. I’d like her to feel as if she’s been given one back before she goes.” Julia let the tears slide down. “She—I thought I was going to be the last one.”
“What?”
“I thought—” Julia gulped back the tears, but whispered, “I thought I was the last one. Erica died. We were sure you were, too. I knew Kathryn was dying, and Mae doesn’t care about me. I thought I was going to be alone.” She sniffled, using the blanket to wipe her tears away. “I still think that at times, so forgive me for being angry when you came back. You expected the welcome wagon, but I’m sorry. You don’t deserve it—”
“Julia.”
“—shut up.” She turned away. “Just, shut up.”
“What do you want from me?” Dani cried out.
“I can’t touch what you had with him! Okay?” Julia yelled, her hands raised next to her head. “I can’t touch what you had with him, and I can’t touch what he had with Erica. I can’t be either of you two.”
Dani quieted. “What are you talking about?”
“It was supposed to have been Erica.” A sniffle. “It was supposed to have been Erica who had his children. He loved her, not me. He loved you, Erica, but he never loved me.”
“Julia, you can’t be Erica. You and Jake are you and Jake. It’s not Jake and Erica. It’s not even Jake and me. You’re you. You’re different. Jake’s with you because of you. He asked you to share the rest of your lives together. He loves you.”
She shook her head, whispering, “Not like he loved you. Not like he loved her.” Her hand formed a fist. She pressed it against her chest. “I can’t be either of you two. I just can’t do it.”
“Julia.” That’s what she’d been thinking? All this time? “You’re going to be his wife. You’re going to have his children. What I had with him was in our past. We were children. You’ll have children with him. Don’t you get that?”
Tears fell from Julia, and so did a wall to Dani. She could see her sister in a new way, where she saw the hurts and pains. She saw her vulnerability, too. Dani pulled her sister into her arms. “He loves you, Julia. I know he does.”
“He loves you.”
“He and I were together our entire childhood and through high school. Julia. A person doesn’t stop loving someone when the break-up happens. It takes a long time and I’d hope that Jake would always love me.” She grasped Julia’s face, a hand to both sides, and said fiercely, “But he’s not in love with me. He’s in love with you.”
“He loved Erica.” Julia broke down again. “I can’t be Erica for him and sometimes I think he wants me to be her. I don’t laugh like she does or make the same jokes. I don’t even cook like her. I’m a good cook. Erica was awful, and I feel like Jake wants me to burn the lasagna. I don’t want to burn the lasagna.”
Dani couldn’t contain a laugh. Erica had burned, destroyed, or exploded anything she baked and cooked. Julia had been awarded championships for baked goods eight years in a row. She probably still did.
“You shouldn’t have to burn your lasagna. You have really good lasagna.”
“I do.” Julia’s hands curled into fists with Dani’s shirt. “I felt like I needed to go to confession when I burned the toast.”
“Consider it done.”
Julia broke again. A fresh cascade of tears. “And they had this ritual where Erica would start telling a story and Jake would finish it for her. They spoke their own language, Dani. How can I do that? I have no idea what he’s going to say sometimes. I tried to finish a sentence for him, and I swear, I felt like he hated me in that moment.”
Dani cracked a smile, but soothed, patting Julia’s hair.
“He still loves her.”
“But he’s in love with you. That’s all you need.” Dani felt a headache forming. “Look, you and Jake are going to be fine. I truly think that. And as for this—between you and me—it’s our family’s fault. It’s not ours. We were raised to be like this, and that’s wrong.”