Tears clogged my throat and I stubbornly swallowed them down. I’d cried enough tears today to fill a very deep well.
I was done.
I had to get a grip on myself so I could face Caine tomorrow with some goddamn dignity.
Bracing myself, I pressed the button again … a little breathless with anticipation.
“You received a message today at three oh two … Lexie.” Effie’s voice dashed my hope that I’d hear from Caine. “I just wanted you to know that Caine cooled down and he dropped by to see me … He told me what happened, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I can’t tell you how sorry. I’ve tried reasoning with him, but I … I think he’s hiding something. Just … don’t give up on him. When he goes Mr. Big Chill on me I know he’s feeling things deeper than usual. It’s his way of coping. I … Please don’t give up on him …”
The familiar sharp stinging in my nose declared the arrival of my tears before I could halt them. The sound of Effie begging me to help someone we loved killed me. Because I wanted to … God, I wanted to if it meant Caine would come back to me …
But … he hadn’t left a message.
There was this huge part of me that was hurt beyond repair … a huge part of me that was so tired of coming in last with the people I loved. A huge part of me that was sick of doing all the saving.
And I realized that more than anything right now I needed to take care of me. My whole life was up in the air … because of him.
I had a heart to heal and a career to fix.
I didn’t know if I had it in me quite yet to fight some more for Caine.
CHAPTER 25
The look on Caine’s face as he approached my desk the next morning tore apart any remnants of that hope I’d been holding on to. Although he wasn’t cold, he was carefully polite.
I stood up from behind my desk as he came to a stop and there was a part of me that took pleasure at the sight of the dark circles under his eyes. His features were drawn tight with tiredness. He was still beautiful but now in an unkempt way I wished wasn’t so appealing.
It was nice to know that he was affected by our breakup. However, it didn’t change anything, and I could see that in the way he carefully nodded his greeting to me. “I’ve been in touch with an agency. They’re sending a temp out on Wednesday.”
Panic gripped me.
We had only today and tomorrow left together.
It made me react without thinking. “Whatever it is you’re hiding, it won’t change how I feel about you.”
Last-ditch effort.
He stared me directly in the eye. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I am. But this is done now.” He took a step back. “Of course I’ll see to it that you get a month’s pay and you can use me as a reference.”
“Tell me you don’t love me,” I said quietly to his retreating back.
He froze at his door and then a few seconds later glanced over his shoulder at me. “I don’t.”
I slumped back into my chair as he slammed inside his office.
The hope shattered, slicing me to ribbons.
So this is what this feels like.
“Your schedule is on my computer, as are all your contacts, and notes from recent meetings that are relevant to matters that are still in progress.” I put a USB drive on his desk. “I’ve put them all on there for you because it’ll be better for your new PA to start with fresh information. If he or she has those notes it’ll confuse him or her, and that could be inconvenient for you. I kept notebooks on my daily duties along with instructions, as well as your personal preferences. There’s everything from standard e-mail and invite responses to your favorite dry cleaner.”
I looked up from my notepad and locked eyes with a contemplative Caine.
“Thank you, Alexa. That’s extremely helpful.”
The careful politeness between us made me want to scream, but somehow I managed to curb that instinct, along with my inclination toward smart-assery. I wanted to end things between us with dignity. Not sarcastic shrewishness.
“You’re welcome.”
He looked down at the papers in front of his desk. “Do you have any prospects for a job? I can put you in touch with the temp agency I use.”
“No, thank you,” I said quietly. “I think I’m going to take some time to reevaluate my career.”
“That sounds like a plan.”
I just managed to stop myself from rolling my eyes. How could it be that I’d had sex with this man on his desk (more than once), and now we were acting like two complete strangers?
That horrendous ache seemed to have taken up residence in every part of my body and it threatened to overpower me. I shook it off. “We have a meeting with Jeremy Ruger in forty minutes,” I reminded him.
His gaze sharpened. “Ruger is obnoxious. You don’t have to go to that.”
I knew Ruger was obnoxious. He was also the CFO at Winton Investments, a company that had gone from being small potatoes to a major player in the financial district in the last two years since Ruger took control of the company’s finances.
When Linda, Caine’s CFO, had surprised him by announcing she was pregnant again and she and her husband had decided he should go back to work and she’d take some time to be with the kids, Caine started his search for a new CFO.
We’d met Ruger at the party on Saturday night, and financial genius he might be, but he was also a grubby little sleazebag who spent most of the night chasing attractive wait staff.