Bill stood in the shower painfully. What had he done? It had been wrong. He was trying to fix it but maybe it wouldn't work. It was funny and he was angry at himself. How could he? He felt disgusted. It was because of the night before. He had made love to a girl. He had made love to the girl. He was almost disgusted. It pained him even now. If Bradley had discovered. If Bradley had known about it. He wanted to stop it but he did not even know how. It had not just started now. He was fighting it. Had he been blind? It was the reason his mother had divorced his dad.
Their family had had too much to go through. His mother had converted to Judaism only years ago. Before she'd had chance to learn about the sexual preferences of her children. Later when she had discovered, she had been asked by the church to either stay with a family that lived in sexual sin or to stay true to her church. She'd chosen the later, vacating the country and moving to Israel where she had got married to another man who was a church elder. That had been the last they had seen or heard from her. It pained him even now. It was because of them that their father had become such a lonely man. First, it had been him and Dibba. But that was before she'd broken his heart and when she did, he had never heard enough courage to trust any girl. He had not even got close to any since then except for business.
It had been one day while he had gone for a conference that he had met Nathan. It was the first time. Nathan had been beautiful. The couple had taken immediate liking for each other. They had spent a couple of evenings together watching football for about two weeks, until one night when Nathan confessed to him that he was attached to him, that he was falling for him. Bill had not resisted. Truth is he'd himself been attracted to the younger man but had not known how to tell him. When Nathan confessed, it had been Bill's opportunity to confess and correspond as well. They had dated for about two years, until Nathan had eventually got bored. He'd said he could not take it anymore. Bill had been hurt that he could not outstand the competition and that Nathan had left him for someone else. It had hurt like never before, but at least it had not come from a girl he had dated in high school and college. Dibba had told him he would never manage to care for women because he'd been selfish. He'd fallen for it. But he'd guessed it had been true and for so many months he'd been broken, trying to find a way. With only Esther believing in him, telling him that he could pass through it.