I choke on my breath and close my eyes again. “I wasn’t meant to care about you.”
He says nothing.
I let my eyes open and see he’s staring down at me. The murderous expression on his face is killing me.
“You say I used you,” he whispers so low, it’s frightening. “I didn’t do fuck-all. You used me. Now I am going to use you, and I’m going to leave you with the fuckin’ emptiness you’ve left me with.”
Oh God. “Please,” I whisper. “I can help you.”
“There ain’t nothin’ I want from you.”
“Raide, please.”
He leans over me, bringing his lips down until they’re millimeters off my lips. “Did any of it mean a damned thing to you?”
“Of course it did,” I whisper, trembling. “It all meant something to me.”
“Beautiful fuckin’ liar.”
Then he presses his lips to mine. His kiss isn’t gentle, it’s rough and it’s punishing, but I want it. I want it so badly, it burns. I kiss him back, hard and deep, tongues tangling, teeth clashing. He moves his body over mine, and his lips crush mine as he uses his hands to pull my shorts down. I don’t stop him. I don’t want to stop him. He has me naked in a matter of seconds, and then he’s between my legs, hands fisting in my hair.
“You left me with a fuckin’ hole—” He thumps his chest over his heart. “—right here.”
God.
“You fuckin’ broke me.”
No.
“’Cause I was fallin’ in love with you, you selfish, coldhearted woman.”
No.
He slides inside me and I cry out, muffled and broken. His fingers move down my face as he starts pumping his cock in and out of me—not hard, not soft, just so damned deep. He trails his finger over my bottom lip, and I whimper, wanting to taste him, wanting to hold him, wanting to tell him I’m so sorry. He rocks his hips, causing my whimpers to become desperate moans as I feel pressure building deep inside my body.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Your words mean nothing to me,” he growls into my ear. “You mean nothing to me. I’m going to break you to pieces, then I’m going to walk out, Grace. I’m going to leave you with the same pain I’m feeling right now.”
“Please,” I sob.
“You want me to stop?” he growls.
I know he will. I know that. Raide won’t hurt me, no matter how angry he is. But no matter what, some desperate part of me doesn’t want him to stop. I need him. I want him. No matter how pathetic that might seem right now. “No,” I croak.
Tears are streaming down my face, and his eyes follow them down my cheek. “Hurts, doesn’t it?”
“Please.”
“Please what?” he hisses. “Please fucking what?”
He thinks I’m begging him to let me go, but that’s not what I want. What I need from Raide is to know that he doesn’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it if he hated me.
“Please don’t hate me.”
He doesn’t say anything, he just crushes his lips back over mine. I wrap my legs around him and I close my eyes, feeling him, loving every single second that he’s inside me. I come with a pained, ragged cry, and less than a minute later, he releases an equally pained grunt. Then his weight is gone and desperation fills my chest. I open my eyes and cry out his name.
He’s pulling his jeans up, and when he hears my pathetic plea, he stares at me.
“Raide, please.”
God, his eyes. So broken. So haunted. “It’s too late, Grace,” he says in a cracked rasp.
“Too late for what?” I wail.
“To ask me not to hate you,” he whispers, then lifts his bag and walks to the door. “I already do.”
Then he comes back to throw a blanket over me, steps out, and leaves me.
And everything inside me breaks, too, and I scream.
Chapter Twenty-one
I must have screamed and cried myself to sleep because I’m soon awakened by a hand on my shoulder. My sore, heavy eyes flutter open and I see Benny staring down at me. I open my mouth to say something—but nothing comes out. I remember that I’m naked and start to squirm, but then recall Raide throwing a blanket over me before he left.
Benny sits on the bed and watches me, his face an unreadable mask. “He told me he left you here,” he says, his voice as guarded as his expression.
“I’m sorry,” I croak.
“You’re a bounty hunter.”
It’s not a question, so I don’t answer it.
“You broke him.”
If I had more tears to cry, they’d rise to the surface and fall down my cheeks. “I didn’t…,” I begin, but what is there to say? I did break him. I became more invested than I ever should have, and in doing that, I lost the man I allowed myself to fall in love with. Who had allowed himself to fall in love with me. There are no apologies I could possibly give.“I’m in love with him.”
Benny flinches and looks at me with a hard expression. “That the truth, or you trying to get me to let you go?”
“Can you see me, Benny?” I say, and my voice is so hoarse I barely recognize it. “Can you?”
“Yeah, Grace, I can see you.”
“Then look at me, really look. I’m broken, too.”
His face softens slightly and he sighs. “He’s gone, Grace. This time he won’t be found.”
I close my eyes, and pain twists so tightly in my chest, I’m afraid it’ll drown me. Raide is going to make a mistake—he’s angry, he’s hurt, and he wants revenge now more than ever. He’s going to find it and I’m going to lose him forever. I have to fix this. I open my eyes and look up at Benny. “I need to go home.”
He nods and releases me from the cuffs, then hands me some clothes. I take them and quickly dress while his back is turned. When I’m done, I clear my throat and he faces me once more. He’s got a more gentle expression on his face now, one that tells me he just might understand how this feels. “I’m so sorry, Benny,” I whisper. “I know I screwed up.”
“Yeah, you did.”
“I’m going to fix this.”
His eyes widen. “You need to be careful, honey. Raide is in a dangerous situation, and you could lose everything.”
“None of it is worth anything if he’s not there to share it with me. I have to help him, because you and I both know he doesn’t belong in prison.”
Benny nods. “Drive safe.”
I give him a weak smile, then I gather the last of my things and I hurry out to my car. I don’t know how Raide got away, I don’t have time to think about it, I need to get home and get to my office.
I have to fix this.
* * *
“Jesus, Grace!” Don yells when I come through the office doors. “I was out of my mind with worry.” His eyes scan over me just as Vance and Julio enter the room.
Both are in protective gear, guns tucked in their belts.
Vance reaches me before Don can say anything more. He takes my shoulders, and his eyes move over my body. “You look like hell—what happened?”
“I need to talk to you—all of you.”