“I’ve asked Tomas and Stacia to meet us at the library,” I say as we approach the bridge. “Before they meet us, I’d like you to tell me more about the people you said you believe don’t belong on the list.”
Raffe glances at the residence before saying, “I could be wrong, but there are a lot of names that don’t make sense to me.”
“Like who?”
“Professor Lee, for one. I remember my father saying that the country would fall apart if ever Professor Lee was put in charge of the University. My father believed Professor Lee always saw the best in students and wasn’t decisive enough to cut away the ones who weren’t strong enough to lead.”
I think about Professor Lee’s kindness during Early Studies and about his lecture today. The combination makes it hard to believe he’s an ardent advocate of The Testing.
“What about the others?”
Raffe names Professor Markum and Professor Harring. Heads of Medical studies and Education. Both people with whom Raffe’s father has clashed in recent years. Both professors petitioned the Education Department to expand the number of colony students allowed in the University. Then there’s Official Parkins, head of the Resource Allocation Department, who suggested a new colony be created in the unrevitalized area southwest of the city that was once Chicago. An area that years ago was allocated to Dr. Barnes’s father for The Testing.
Those five are the ones Raffe marked earlier, but there are two others that worry him. Official Frank Alkyer and Official Liza Yamatchi, whom Raffe has never heard of. “If they are important enough to keep The Testing and the current University program going, I probably would know who they are. Dr. Barnes oversees the University and The Testing. Professor Chen coordinates selection of candidates with the colony educators. Professor Holt is Dr. Barnes’s second in command. My father works with all of them to make sure they have whatever is necessary to select and educate the next generation of leaders. Those four have the most power. Removing them should cripple The Testing enough for the president to stop it for good.”
Four lives—five when we include Symon, whose removal is not in question—but only if I believe Raffe is being truthful about what he knows. The president gave me the list of names. She must have reasons to believe these people should be removed. But who is to say those reasons are specific to The Testing? The first directive I was given as an intern was to have faith only in the information I verified on my own. Until this moment, I had forgotten that lesson. While I am not certain Raffe’s information is accurate, I do know that I cannot follow the president’s orders blindly. Not questioning her list was my first mistake. I cannot afford to make another.
“So, what’s the plan?” Raffe asks as we take a seat on the stone steps that lead up to the entrance of the library. “Or do I have to wait to hear it until Stacia and Tomas arrive?”
“I don’t know.” I thought I did, but now . . . When I chose this path, I convinced myself that the people on the list had earned their fate. “How can I plan anything without being sure who these people are?”
“Could you live with yourself if you sit back and do nothing while The Testing continues and the rebels are betrayed and killed?”
I want to say yes, but it would be a lie. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Yes, you do.” Raffe’s voice is soft but firm. “You ask yourself what your goal is. You look at the facts as you know them, and you make the call.”
“What if I’m wrong?”
“Then you’re wrong.” Raffe’s voice cracks though the swirl of confusion like a whip. “If you’re looking for guarantees, you’re asking the wrong person. Leaders don’t get guarantees. The only thing they can do is make the most educated decision they can and hope for the best. Isn’t that how you got through The Testing and our Induction?”
I shake my head. “That was different. I’m not sure I can do this.” There has already been so much needless death. The weight of those lives presses on my chest, making it hard to breathe. Whom do I trust? The president? Raffe? Tomas? Myself?
But if Raffe sees my trepidation, he doesn’t show it. Instead he says, “Well, if you can’t, then none of us can. One person can’t do it alone, and I doubt Stacia and Tomas would help if I asked. The only way this works, Cia, is with you.”
“I know.” I see Tomas approaching and am certain Stacia isn’t far behind. Neither of them would have picked Raffe for a teammate. I doubt they would even pick each other. Raffe is right. The future is on me.
Ever since I was little, I wanted to be like my father—someone everyone turned to for answers. Until now, I’d only thought of his successes. I never considered how alone he must have felt or the courage it took to take the next step forward knowing that another wrong move could ruin us all. But though he might have wanted to, he didn’t walk away. He didn’t have guarantees that things would work out. He made the decision he believed was best because that was all he could do. Just as it is the only thing I can do now. I think of the symbol Raffe created for me. For us. For this purpose. I came to Tosu City because I wanted to be a leader. I thought that would come after I graduated from the University. I thought that event would signal my readiness. But I can no longer wait for Graduation Day. The time to lead is now.
“We can’t reach everyone on the list,” I say when Tomas and Stacia join us on the stairs. Tomas’s eyes looked tired and strained. When I touch his hand, he flinches. Stacia, however, appears not only rested but eager to take the next step.