'That's true for being picked up in a bar. But in a relationship, could it work between men of different ages?'
'A long term relationship? Anything's possible, but the bigger the age gap the harder it becomes. A man who looks good for forty-five will quite likely be losing his hair, have wrinkles and be putting on weight at fifty-five. What do you think his chances are of holding on to someone ten or twenty years younger?'
'You don't think it would work out, then?'
'Everyone's different. How would I know? Boyfriends let you down, one way or another. Casual sex after the nth time makes you feel like a sexual automaton. With your interest in plants a relationship with a tree might not be a bad idea. A big strong oak would never let you down.'
'You can't have sex with a tree.'
'Don't be too sure. Some people probably manage it. Things are different for "straights". They produce children, the next generation, and that creates the need to stay together and excuses all their shortcomings.'
'Gay men can have children, through an arrangement with a lesbian couple, say.'
'Yes, but that's much more difficult than being a "straight" at a party and falling into bed with someone of the opposite sex while drunk. How did we get onto this?'
'We were talking about age differences. In a relationship.'
'Oh yes. What about Andrew and you?'
'You know he wasn't interested in me in that way. Because he took me to all sorts of places some people might have thought he was, but he never expected sex as a pay-back. He wasn't like that.'
'He took you to Paris once. Most people would assume you were...'
'They'd be wrong. We shared a twin-bedded room and he saw me coming out of the shower naked. He just smiled and looked away. He told me he liked treating me. I gave him a reason to see places he'd not visited for years and years and would never have gone to on his own. Getting away from business did him good.'
After finishing our coffee we went up to our separate rooms. Randiness made going off to sleep difficult. How easy it would have been to quietly slip across the landing, gently open Darren's door and whisper the words 'Are you awake?' into the darkness. Could we not, this one night, so far away from our familiar surroundings, extend our friendship by giving one another a little sexual relief? In asking about age differences in relationships, had he been hinting that he would be receptive? Yet, if we did go to bed together, would we be content with one night only? What if he expected a new phase in our relationship to begin, while my feelings towards him remained unchanged, as they surely would. He did not arouse in me that overwhelming mix of intense emotion and physical desire that gives rise to a love affair. Cheung was probably a much better boyfriend for him than I could ever be. To have him sexually, feeling as I did, would be to take advantage of him; the bedroom door remained closed.