I’ve wanted to hit Jason in the face for about a decade, but never in a million years would I have thought the feeling of my fist smashing into his nose would feel as satisfying as it did in that instant. If I had known, I would have done it years ago…and probably often. Within seconds, I had Jason on the ground, and was pounding at his jaw and chest and arms. He was scrappy, though, and had managed to wiggle out from under me and kick me a few times, too. We were both standing in a face-off finally, taking turns sending punches at each other’s face, circling each other like boxers used to do in the ring, when my dad’s voice broke through the bubble Jason and I seemed to be operating in.
“Boys! My office! Now! The both of you!” Pops yelled, his voice bellowing and the disappointment and anger punctuating each and every word. Jason and I turned from each other slowly, breathless, as we walked side-by-side toward the house. Our eyes remained angry and locked, but I realized that Nolan and her family had gathered outside now, too. And my heart sank a bit with worry that they had heard some of Jason’s venom. He spit a little at the ground right before we walked in the house, and I felt satisfied knowing I made him bleed.
My dad was finally out of his cast, which meant he could pace back and forth in front of Jason and me like we were children. Being in his office on Christmas with a house full of family and friends was mortifying, but I didn’t regret finally giving Jason the beating he’d deserved.
“What the hell was that?” Dad finally asked, leaning on his desk and crossing his arms. “Like zoo animals, you both are. You were raised better than that. You’re brothers, start acting like it!”
Dad was angry, angrier than I’d seen him in my entire life. I was content to just nod my head, and apologize in order to get the old man’s blood pressure back down to normal, but Jason couldn’t let it rest. “Come on, Dad? Reed’s out of control. He flew off the handle at me for no reason, sensitive pu**y,” Jason said, thinking he’d just be able to bluff his way through this, that I wouldn’t call him on it. Well, I’d grown up since our last fight. I stood up from my chair and leaned over into him, my face close to his.
“You disrespected the girl I love, you ass**le. You disrespected her family. You embarrass me, and I won’t call you brother,” I said through clenched teeth, slamming back into my seat and folding my arms again in an effort to control my anger.
Jason just rolled his eyes at my words and let out a big sigh. I watched as my father stared at him for a long time, finally drawing Jason’s attention. “What?” Jason asked, rolling his shoulders as if he were innocent. “Oh come on, Pops. He’s being sensitive, and stupid.”
Dad cut him off then. “Just shut up, Jason,” Dad said, his voice calmer now, but his words still carrying a bite. “I don’t know where I failed you, but I’m sorry.”
Jason was looking at the floor now, his eyes a little glassy, but his arms still crossed like mine, fighting everything. “Did you hear me?” Dad asked, forcing Jason to look at him. “I said I’m sorry. Son, I taught you everything I know about business. And man…you are one hell of a businessman. You’re better than me.”
Jason scoffed at my dad, looking down, embarrassed now.
“No, Jason. I’m serious. You are a better businessman than me,” Pops said, holding his gaze level. “But Reed’s a better man. And it’s my fault. I didn’t teach you enough about that. And I’m the one to blame. But I hope like hell you can come out the other end of this, because if you don’t, you’re going to live a sad life, full of anger and resentment. And you’re going to be alone.”
Our dad let his words hang there in the air, the heaviness a suffocating blanket on the three of us. Dad took turns looking each of us in the eyes, his face hard, and heartbroken. Jason and I sat still, our eyes locked straight ahead, not ready to acknowledge one another. When it almost became unbearable, Dad pushed off from the edge of the desk and reached for the door to leave us there alone. “You two take your time. Figure this shit out. When you’re done, we’ll have Christmas,” he said, closing the door behind him.
Jason and I sat there in silence for minutes, careful not even to make a sound with our breathing. I was the first to break, turning my head slowly to look at him. And when I did, I saw the thin wet streaks left behind by the few tears he was unable to keep inside. Something had gone wrong in my brother’s life. I didn’t know what it was—maybe he’d seen more of my parents’ fights, maybe it was the end of his football career, and part of it was probably having my success constantly shoved in his face—whatever the trauma, it had left behind some heavy scars. But my Dad? Boy, he just went right in to cut them open. I hoped they’d heal better the second time.