This was definitely one of life’s defining moments. So I ran.
I pushed back from him and told him I had to go outside to get some air. I walked quickly to the table, grabbed my purse and headed out the back doors to the alleyway where I knew I could get a moment alone. But I hadn’t counted on Gavin following me.
“Nolan, I’m sorry. I got a little carried away,” he was right on my heels.
“No, don’t. It’s okay, we both were drinking, and it was just a weird night,” I said, turning to face him and stopping so my back was against the opposite wall.
Gavin stood across from me with his hands in his pockets, almost like he was locking them up to keep him from doing something stupid. I couldn’t seem to find any words to help the situation, so instead I just stood there staring at him, blinking. My heart was racing, and my palms were sweaty. And I was pretty sure I was going to be sick later from the alcohol. I shut my eyes for a few brief seconds, trying to reset my thoughts and get myself back to normal. I pushed my hands through my hair and opened my eyes again to see Gavin staring into me.
“Oh, hell,” Gavin said, lunging for me and grabbing my face between his hands, kissing me hard and stepping into my body so we were pressed against one another. Instead of stopping him, I kissed back. I grabbed his wrists at first, a false protest, almost so I could tell myself I’d tried to stop. But I didn’t. Not really. I reached behind his head and pulled him closer, fisting his hair and clawing my fingers up under his shirt. We kissed like this for several seconds before reality hit me, and I pushed into his chest. Hard.
“Gavin, I can’t,” I said, panting as I stumbled a few steps away from him. “Oh my god. Oh my god.”
I started crying, the tears fast. I was walking away backward. He stood there, just as shocked as I was. I wiped my mouth along my arm, trying to erase what had just happened. “I’m so sorry. That was wrong. I can’t…Oh my god.”
I just turned and ran. I had made it only a few blocks away from the scene of my horrible slip when I felt my stomach churn and I bent forward to vomit in the gutter. People were walking around me, avoiding me, somehow completely unfazed by my throwing up, which I did four more times before I made it back to my dorm.
I had pulled my shoes from my feet and was walking along the sidewalk barefoot. The front desk girl gave me a disapproving look as I buzzed into the door and walked by her. I must have smelled like a hooker. I felt like one. I caught my reflection in the elevator on the ride up, my make-up smeared and my hair tangled in all directions.
I headed straight for the bathroom when I got into my room, stripping my clothes into a pile and crawling on my hands and knees to the shower floor, where I hugged my legs in close to me and wept. I rocked back and forth, willing my nausea to subside. The hot water turned my skin bright pink, and my hands were turning into raisins by the time I shut the water off and pulled the towel from the bar to join me on the floor.
By the time I awoke, the sun was shining through the bottoms of my curtains. I had slept the entire night, naked on the dirty tiles of my bathroom floor. My world was spinning as I straightened myself, sitting on my knees, not quite ready to fully stand. I grabbed the bathroom door for support and got to my feet and made my way to my bed where I had thrown my purse last night.
Last night.
I wasn’t so drunk that I didn’t remember. I remembered everything. What had I done?
I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone to find a text from Reed. I swallowed hard, almost afraid to read it. As if somehow he already knew how I’d betrayed him.
Miss you baby. See you at 4. XXOO
I had four hours to get my shit together. And the secrets were just piling up.
Chapter 7
Reed
When my pops told me that Jason would be staying at the house through the holidays, I thought long and hard about cancelling Thanksgiving and Christmas—just kidnapping Nolan and taking off for Hawaii for the month.
He said that Jason was looking for his own place down in Tucson. He was moving back to Arizona permanently, taking on a bigger role with the dealerships and the company. But he wouldn’t be able to move into anything until January at the earliest. I hated that he was there. Coming home was my center, my time to let my mind stop spinning. Everything important was in that house and town…and when Jason was there, well, he just had a way of shitting on things.
The holidays were still more than a month away, though, so I’d face life with Jason when I had to. I was looking forward to my trip with Noles for my birthday. She said it was a surprise, but I was pretty sure she was taking me camping. She wasn’t very good at keeping secrets, and I’d seen our camping gear in her trunk the few times we’d taken her car out.