“Oh, shit. You do?”
“Well, I used to. I haven’t slept in the same room with my grandma in years but years ago she told me I did. What if I do one of these nights and I say his name? Say the things I do to Gio in my dreams—that I can’t stop thinking about him—that he’s on my mind constantly now even when Felix is making love to me. It’s so wrong!”
Bianca heard Toni breathe in deep and then hum. It was something she did when she was brainstorming or trying to figure something out. Bianca could almost picture her walking around her little salon. So, she waited patiently hopeful that Toni would have some words of wisdom for her.
“I’m gonna be honest with you, okay? Don’t be mad but I need you to really think about this before you answer, okay?”
“Okay.” Bianca had an idea what her question might be.
“Are you really in love with Felix?” That wasn’t it.
“Yes! Of course I am.” Bianca snapped.
“No. I asked you to really think about it, girl.” Toni snapped back. “Now think, because I’m just being honest here, so again, don’t get mad. When you told me about how you told him you loved him, you said it just like that. You said, ‘He said he loved me and I told him I loved him too.’ Then you got all squealy and I had no choice but to do what any good friend is expected to do and squeal with you. But I did think it was weird you never actually said you loved him or that you were in love. You said you told him you loved him. It’s different.”
“Well, I am in love with him.” Bianca tried not to take offense or sound defensive but it did bother her that Toni would think she could be so immature she’d be more excited about the idea of being loved and saying it for the first time than actually being in love.
“Really?” Bianca could tell by Toni’s tone she really wasn’t buying it. “And when did you know you were in love? Do you remember the moment you knew? That’s usually a pretty big moment you remember forever.”
Bianca didn’t. All she remembered was being stunned when she heard Felix say it to her for the first time. But she was hurt. How could Toni be thinking this all this time and not mention it?
“I do,” she lied, hoping she sounded convincing and not as angry as she suddenly felt.
“Bianca, don’t be mad—”
“I’m not.” She shoved the key into the ignition pulling her seatbelt on.
She was mad. God, was she ever. Just not at Toni. She was mad at herself. How stupid was she really? Was it possible she’d convinced herself she was in love with Felix just because she got all caught up in the way it felt to be in love—liked hearing him say it back? And what, if anything, did her not actually being in love with him have to do with her feeling what she did when she was around Gio? She did at least have feelings for Felix. She cared about him and her feelings of jealousy when hearing about him with those other women were genuine. There was no way she was faking those.
Then she remembered what she’d felt when she saw Gio kissing Evelyn. She’d just texted Felix back agreeing to meet him back at the cabin but glancing up to see Gio and Evelyn kissing had been enough to make her spring out of her seat and bolt for the door. Bianca squeezed the steering wheel feeling her face flush, utterly mortified. She was ridiculous. What was wrong with her?
“I’m not mad,” she repeated as she pulled out of the parking space. “I’m just confused and all of this is just making me so insane.”
“And that’s perfectly normal.” Toni had her reassuring voice on and Bianca appreciated it because what she needed right now more than ever was reassurance. “From what you tell me Gio sounds like a sweetheart—a sweetheart that also happens to be eye candy. I’d question your sanity if you weren’t attracted to him. Shit, I think I want him and I haven’t even seen the guy.”
Bianca laughed feeling completely grateful for having a friend like Toni. Toni would never judge her and she was always there when she needed her. She’d always told Bianca she could call her at any hour for any reason and unless she was stone cold dead asleep that she didn’t hear it, she’d always answer. That had almost happened these last few nights when she’d awakened from her Gio dreams.
“I just wish I didn’t feel so incredibly guilty about waking up right next to Felix in his bed having a full blown orgasm brought on by his friend.” Just the thought made her wince.
Toni exhaled heavily. “Okay, I’m only gonna say this because I hate that you’re beating yourself up about innocent dreams but I’m warning you’re probably gonna be pissed.” She paused, probably waiting for a response but Bianca didn’t give her any. She could never be pissed at Toni. “I’ve been looking into this Shelley girl he met up with in Chicago and I haven’t said anything to you because I have nothing solid but it’s not looking good. Now, I could be totally wrong about this so don’t start getting all upset or anything. That’s all I’m gonna say about that because I could be on to something or like all the other times it could turn out to be nothing. All I want you think about is this. What you’re doing—dreaming about his friend—is harmless. It’s just a dream. He, on the other hand, well, let’s just say his complete and total innocence is questionable at best.”
Bianca thought about that for a second as she drove into the cabin’s driveway. She could see Felix, Gio and Ray sitting on the porch holding coffee mugs. Probably tea for Felix and hot cocoa for Gio and Ray just like they’d been drinking the last two evenings she’d driven up. What was it about these guys and liking to drink on the porch?