Then he chuckled, turning back to his sandwich. “That’s a good point, Jules. I’ll have to remember that.”
* * *
Later that afternoon, the family gathered around the Christmas tree to open gifts. The Clarks were a generous family, and there were lots of presents, some serious, some in jest. Julia and her father each received their fair share.
When everyone was admiring their gifts and drinking egg nog, Rachel plunked the last present on Gabriel’s lap. “This arrived for you this morning.”
“Who is it from?” He eyed it in confusion.
“I don’t know.”
Gabriel gave Julia a hopeful look, but she shook her head.
Eager to uncover the mystery, he began to rip off the wrapping paper. He slid his fingers in between the cover of the white box and its bottom, separating the two, lifted the lid of the box carefully, and peeled back the layers of white tissue paper.
Before anyone could see what he’d uncovered, he shoved the box aside, springing to his feet. Without a word, he strode quickly to the back door, slamming it behind him.
“What was it?” Scott’s voice broke the silence.
Aaron, who witnessed what had just transpired from the hallway, entered the room. “I bet it’s from his ex. I’d lay money on it.”
Julia stumbled to the kitchen and across the back porch, following her lover’s retreating form.
“Gabriel? Gabriel! Wait.”
Large, fat snowflakes fell like feathers from the sky, blanketing the grass and trees in cold whiteness. She shivered.
“Gabriel!”
He disappeared into the woods without a backward glance.
She hastened her pace. If she lost sight of him she’d have to return to the house. She wouldn’t risk being lost in the woods again without a coat. Or a map.
She began to panic, remembering her recurrent nightmare about being trapped in the woods, alone. “Gabriel! Slow down.”
Pushing her way into the trees, she traveled a few feet before she saw him, pausing in front of a tall pine.
“Go back to the house.” The arctic tone of his voice matched the falling snow.
“I’m not leaving you.”
She walked a few more steps. At the sound of her approach, he turned around. He was clad in a suit and tie, wearing expensive Italian shoes that were now ruined.
One of her high heels caught on a branch, and she pitched forward, breaking her fall by clinging to the trunk of a tree.
Gabriel was at her side in an instant. “Go back to the house before you get hurt.”
“No.”
Her hair was long and curling over her shoulders, arms now crossed in front of her chest because of the cold. A light dusting of white covered her head and her plum dress.
She looked like a snow angel—a figure one might find in a fairy tale or a snow globe, the dancing flakes hovering around her like friends. He was reminded of the time he surprised her in his library carrel and a ream of paper had been tossed into the air, falling all around her.
“Beautiful.” He was momentarily distracted by the sight of her. The warmth of his mouth caused his words to form clouds in the air between them.
She held out her pink and naked hand. “Come back with me.”
“She’s never going to let me go.”
“Who?”
“Paulina.”
“She needs to start a new life. She needs your help.”
“Help?” He glared at her. “You want me to help her? After she got on her knees and tried to take my pants down?”
“What?”
He clenched his teeth, cursing his own stupidity. “Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“It was a desperate attempt by a desperate woman.”
“Did you say no?”
“Of course! What do you take me for?” His eyes flamed a dangerous blue.
“Were you surprised?”
A muscle jumped in his jaw. “No.”
Julia closed her hands so tightly her nails dug into her palms. “Why?”
Gabriel glanced at the trees behind her, unwilling to answer her question.
“Why weren’t you surprised?” she repeated, her voice growing louder.
“Because this is what she does.”
“Does or did?”
“What’s the difference?” he snapped.
Julia’s eyes narrowed. “If I have to explain it to you, then we are more damaged than I thought.”
He didn’t want to answer her. His recalcitrance was telegraphed by his eyes, his face, even his body.
She gave him a piercing stare.
Gabriel’s eyes flickered over her shoulder, into the distance, almost as if he were looking for an escape. Then he looked at her again.
“She’d show up on occasion and we’d…” His voice trailed off.
Julia felt ill. She screwed her eyes shut. “When I asked if Paulina was your mistress, you said no.”
“She was never my mistress.”
Julia’s eyes flew open. “Don’t play word games with me! Especially about your fuck buddies.”
He ground his teeth together. “That’s beneath you, Julianne.”
She laughed without amusement. “Oh, yes. It’s beneath me to tell the truth. But you can lie through your teeth!”
“I never lied to you about Paulina.”
“Yes, you did. No wonder you were so angry when I called her your fuck buddy in the Dante seminar. I was right.” Julia gave him a shattered look. “Were you with her in your bed? In the bed we slept in together?”
Gabriel lowered his eyes.
She began to back away from him. “I am so angry with you right now, I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That isn’t good enough,” she called, walking away from him. “When was the last time you slept with her?”
He followed her quickly, reaching out to grasp her arm.
“Don’t touch me!” She pulled back, stumbling over a tree root.
Gabriel caught her before she fell. “Just wait a minute, okay? Give me a chance to explain.” Satisfied that she was on surer footing, he released her.
“When I met you in September, things with Paulina had ended. I hadn’t been with her since last December, when I told her that we needed to stop once and for all.”
“You led me to believe that you ended things with her at Harvard. Do you have any idea how much this hurts? Do you have any idea how stupid this makes me feel? She traipses into your parents’ house as if she belongs there—as if I’m the fuck buddy. And no wonder! You’ve been sleeping with her for years.”
Gabriel shifted his shoes in the snow. “I was trying to protect you.”
“Tread very carefully, Gabriel. Tread very, very carefully.”
He froze. He’d never heard her use that tone before. All at once, he felt himself losing her. The mere idea was crippling.
He began speaking very quickly. “We only saw each other once or twice a year. As I said, I haven’t been with her since last December.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Did you expect me to catalogue each and every sexual encounter I’ve ever had? I told you I had a past.”
Gabriel’s eyes met hers. He held her gaze, taking a tenuous step forward.
“Do you remember the night I told you about Maia?”
“Yes.”
“You told me I could find forgiveness. I wanted to believe you. I thought if I told you how I gave in to Paulina again and again, I’d lose you.” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Are you lying to me now?”
“No.”
Her expression was skeptical. “Do you love her?”
“Of course not.” He took another cautious step in her direction, but she held her hand up.
“So you slept with her for years—after you made a child with her and she had a nervous breakdown—but you didn’t love her?”
His lips thinned. “No.”
He saw tears shimmering in her big, dark eyes and watched as she fought them, her pretty face marred with sadness. He closed the distance between them, removing his suit jacket and tenderly placing it around her shoulders.
“You’ll catch pneumonia. You should go back to the house.”
She clutched his jacket, bringing the lapels up to her neck.
“She was Maia’s mother,” Julia whispered. “And look how you treated her.”
Gabriel stiffened. Maia’s mother.
Julia and Gabriel stood silently, noticing briefly that the snow had ceased falling.
“When were you going to tell me?”
Gabriel hesitated, his heart beating a furious tattoo in his chest. He wasn’t entirely sure what he would say until the words escaped his lips.
“I wasn’t.”
She turned around and began to walk in the direction she thought would lead back to the house.
“Julia, wait!” He came after her, tugging at her arm.
“I told you not to touch me!” She pulled her arm back, glaring at him furiously.
“You made it clear that you didn’t want to know the details of what I was like before we met. You said you forgave me.”
“I did.”
“You knew I was lustful,” he reproved her, softly.
“Clearly, I thought there were limits.”
Gabriel recoiled, for her remark had cut him. “I deserved that,” he said, the temperature of his voice rivaling that of the snow on the ground. “I didn’t tell you everything and I should have.”
“Was the Christmas gift from her?”
“Yes.”
“What was it?”
Gabriel’s shoulders slumped. “An ultrasound picture.”
Julia inhaled roughly, making a wheezing sound as the bracing winter air filled her lungs. “Why would she do such a thing?”
“Paulina assumes I’ve kept everything secret. She’s right, of course, when it comes to my siblings. But she assumes I haven’t told you. This was her way of ensuring I did.”
“You used her.” Julia’s teeth began chattering. “No wonder she won’t let you go. You fed her with scraps, like a dog. Would you treat me like that?”
“Never. I know that I treated Paulina abominably. But that doesn’t give her the right to hurt you. You’re innocent in all of this.”
“You misled me.”
“Yes. Yes, I did. Can you forgive me?”
Julia was quiet for a moment, rubbing her hands together against the cold. “Have you ever asked Paulina to forgive you?”
Gabriel shook his head.
“You toyed with her heart. I know what that’s like. I can have compassion for her because of that.”
“I met you first,” he whispered.
“That doesn’t give you license to be cruel.” Julia coughed a little as the cold air burned her throat.
He pressed a light hand to her shoulder. “Please go back. You’re cold.”
She turned to leave and Gabriel reached out to catch her hand.
“I felt something for her, but it wasn’t love. There was guilt and lust, and some affection, but never love.”
