Chapter Seventy-five
Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania
You’re what?”
A pile of silverware slid from Rachel’s fingers, clattering onto the kitchen island. She stared openmouthed at her best friend.
Gabriel had his arm around Julia as they stood in the kitchen of the Clark family home. Scott, Tammy, and Quinn sat on stools nearby, while Richard and Aaron were deep in conversation near the stove.
“I’m pregnant,” Julia repeated, her eyes searching Rachel’s face.
The room fell silent.
“But, but, I didn’t know you were trying. I thought you were going to wait,” Rachel sputtered.
“The news was unexpected but not unwelcome.” Gabriel pressed his lips to Julia’s temple.
“That’s great news, Julia. When are you due?” Tammy interjected.
“September.” Julia’s hand curved over her slightly protruding abdomen. “We told Dad, Diane, and my uncle Jack last night.”
“I think this calls for cigars. I’m very proud of you both.” Richard shook Gabriel’s hand and clapped him on the back before kissing Julia’s cheek. “It will be nice to have another baby around. Quinn and Tommy will have a new playmate.”
“Exactly.” Tammy followed, hugging Julia, and so did Scott.
Julia looked over at her best friend apprehensively. “Rach?”
“I—” Rachel suddenly closed her mouth. She looked as if she were about to burst into tears.
Aaron wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He murmured something in her ear.
“I’m happy for you,” Rachel managed. After a moment, she embraced Julia and Gabriel together. “I am. I’m happy for you both.”
Julia’s eyes began to water.
“I think we should give the girls a minute. Isn’t there a game on?” Aaron jerked his thumb toward the living room, where the wide-screen television was located.
Tammy, Quinn, and the men quickly retreated, leaving the best friends alone.
“This is a surprise.” Rachel sat on one of the bar stools. “Was it an accident?”
Julia chewed at the inside of her mouth. “Gabriel doesn’t want us using the word accident. He doesn’t want the baby growing up thinking he wasn’t wanted.”
“Of course not!” Rachel appeared horrified. “I didn’t think of it that way. I’m sorry.”
“But, uh, clearly this was unexpected, because we were planning on waiting.”
Rachel’s eyes trained on her friend’s.
“It must have been a shock for you. Are you all right?”
“I was upset at the beginning, but Gabriel has been great. He’s really excited and his enthusiasm is infectious. Rebecca moved in with us, so she’ll help with the baby. I’ve decided to take a maternity leave, and Gabriel is going to do the same.”
Rachel snorted, resting her forearm on the top of the island. “Gabriel is taking a maternity leave? I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“Well, it’s a paternity leave. It’s available to him and so he’s going to take it. They owe him a sabbatical anyway, but he’s deferring it.” Julia sat on the stool to Rachel’s left. “We’re even talking about moving here for part of the year, after the baby is born.”
Rachel’s gray eyes grew soft. “Dad would love that. Have you told him?”
Julia shook her head. “We were waiting until we told everyone we were expecting.” She glanced in the direction of the living room. “Gabriel is probably asking him right now.”
“Dad won’t say no. Will Rebecca come too?”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead. But it would be a bit ridiculous for one little baby to require three adults to supervise him.”
Rachel regarded her friend. “You haven’t been around babies much, have you?”
“No.”
“You might need Rebecca to keep up the house and to cook for everyone.” Rachel stared at her fingernails. “You and Diane will be able to commiserate about motherhood. We’ll come home for weekends. The baby will be surrounded by family.”
“That’s what we wanted. I’m sorry about the timing. I know you and Aaron have been trying and I feel so—”
“Don’t.” Rachel forced a smile. “I’m happy for you. And I’m going to be the best damn aunt I can be. I’m hoping, someday, you’ll have the chance to be the same to mine.”
“Me, too.”
Julia smiled, a sympathetic sadness twisting in her insides.
That evening, Aaron stood in his wife’s childhood bedroom, which was still decorated with the awards and trophies she’d won in high school. He held her in his arms as she sobbed into his chest.
He felt helpless. He felt impotent.
“Rach,” he whispered, rubbing her back.
“It’s so unfair,” she managed, her hands fisting his shirt. “They didn’t even want a baby! Jules was going to wait until she graduated. I can’t believe this is happening.”
Aaron didn’t know what to say. When Julia announced her good news, he was envious, but not to the degree that Rachel was. After a year of trying to conceive, she was battling depression. He didn’t want to feed it by focusing on the unfairness of life and raising existential questions that might never be answered.
“I know you’re upset, but I need you to calm down.”
“I want my mom.” She pressed her forehead into his shoulder. “She would know what to do.”
“As much as I loved your mother, she wasn’t a miracle worker.”
“But she could give me advice. And I’m never going to see her again.” A fresh round of sobs escaped Rachel’s chest.
“You know that’s not true,” he whispered, rubbing her back once again. “This was a shock, but we have to get over it. People around us are going to have children. You don’t want this to come between you and Julia.”
“It won’t.”
“That’s my girl. So no tears tomorrow.” He pulled away, his face marked with concern.
“I can do that. I gave an Academy Award–winning performance earlier. I wanted to cry as soon as she told me.”
“I don’t want you to act, Rachel. I want you to appear to be okay and I want that to be the truth.”
“But I’m not okay.” She sat on the edge of her bed.
“I want to talk to you about that.” Aaron joined her on the bed. “Instead of focusing on what we don’t have, I’d like us to start thinking about what we have. We have our jobs, we have a nice place to live, we—”