“That’s not true.”
“You don’t know.” A single tear breaks through my defenses and slides down my face, getting lost in the rain. “You don’t know what I’ve done. What I’m going to do.”
He takes my hand, his fingers entwining with mine. “Tell me.”
“I’m the one who kills the others.”
As soon as I speak the words, everything else pours out of me. Everything I learned at the library. Everything Future-Adam told me. Everything I saw in the safe. I don’t hold anything back.
Adam looks shocked at first, but he doesn’t let go of my hand. With each confession, I’m sure he’ll turn on me, sure he’ll look at me like I’m a murderer and run away. But he doesn’t.
“They set you up,” he finally says. “It’s the only thing that makes sense. You’re not a killer, Elena.”
“I am.” I close my eyes and lean back against the wall. I have to tell him everything. “Remember how Trent mentioned Bright Haven, the group home? And how I messed up three girls?”
“Yeah.”
“I lost control then too.” I’ve never told anyone about this. I’ve buried the memory as best I could, but I can’t deny this part of me anymore. “There was this one girl there, Nina. She was small for her age and real dainty, like a doll. But there was something off about her too. She didn’t talk much, and she’d just stare at you with these big brown eyes, like she had no idea it was rude.
“She’d wear her clothes inside out and she’d walk around with a huge stack of books balanced on her head. She didn’t bother anyone, but the other kids thought she was weird. They picked on her a lot. I saw it, but I didn’t do anything, ’cause I didn’t want to get involved. I just wanted to keep my head low and get through my time there. But it got worse and worse, and the taunts turned to bruises…”
My voice breaks, and I have to stop a moment to breathe against the rush of painful memories flooding me. “One day I heard moaning from another room. I knew someone was in pain, and I had to check it out. There were these three girls, really nasty girls who pushed everyone around, and they had Nina. She was on the floor, and…and they didn’t even need to hold her down anymore. They’d beaten her within an inch of her life and covered her in lighter fluid. I walked in right when they were about to light her up. And when I saw her—broken, lying there, unable to protect herself—something within me snapped. I turned on those girls and I hurt them. By the time someone stopped me, none of them could move.”
“They would have killed her.” Adam squeezes my hand. “You saved her life.”
“But I nearly killed them. I wanted to.”
“Elena, don’t you see? Both times you lost control you were trying to protect someone else. That girl and then Trent…and the cops weren’t even that injured. You’re not going to kill the others or yourself.”
“But what if I lose control again? What if something happens and…”
He puts his hands on my shoulders, staring into my eyes. “You won’t. I know you, Elena. You’re not a killer.”
I want to believe him. But there’s one more thing I haven’t confessed, one thing I’ve held back. My father. And even though I’ve told Adam everything else, I can’t tell him that being a killer is in my blood. He’ll turn away from me, and I want him to keep looking at me like he is now, like he wants nothing more than to kiss me.
But he doesn’t kiss me. He waits for me to make a move, always patient, always understanding. Adam is too good for me, and I’m…I’m a mess.
I pull away from his touch and turn my back to him. “You should stay away from me.”
“Elena…”
“Please. Leave me alone.”
For a long second he doesn’t move. But then he sighs. I hear his footsteps heading back toward the car. Something tightens in my chest at the sound.
I don’t understand how I can have feelings for someone so different from me, someone I’ve known for only a day. Someone I’m completely wrong for. And yet…