“Was that when you came home?” Shit. I knew next to nothing about Josh Walker.
He shook his head. “My mom told me she had breast cancer the day after winter finals my sophomore year. It’s just the two of us, not like she had anyone else to take care of her, you know? I transferred to UCCS.”
“And you call me selfless?” He was so lucky UCCS had honored his scholarship, especially since their team wasn’t on the same level.
Ding. The elevator opened, and we stepped inside. “That’s why I didn’t give you crap for transferring here. I know what it’s like to be the one your family depends on.” He twined my fingers with his and kissed the back of my hand.
“Your mom? Is she . . .”
“Mom’s great. She’s a fighter. Once she was in remission, she moved back to Arizona to be near my grandparents, and I stayed here.”
“But then you were hurt?” He was like a puzzle where every piece was black, and I couldn’t tell what went where.
His jaw clenched again. I wondered if he knew that I could spot his tell. “Yeah, right around the same time Mom’s scans came back clean. I wasn’t eligible my sophomore year, since I caught the tail end of their season, but I rocked my junior year, and Colorado College came to talk to me about a scholarship. I was hurt a few months later, and the rest—”
Ding. We were at our floor. We headed down the hall and paused in the middle of our doors, our hands still linked.
“It took you a year to heal?”
“It took me that long to get back to hockey, but I’ll never be as good as I used to be.” He looked deep into my eyes. “That’s the thing, though. Plans change, you adjust the sails and go with it. Just because I won’t play for CC doesn’t mean I won’t do something else equally amazing.”
“But it still hurts you.”
“Yeah, but it’s better bit by bit. It sucks to get it tossed in my face, but it’s not like I can change the past or what happened.”
Sure, he was talking about himself, and it wasn’t some back-handed lecture, but still, his words cut through me, leaving me raw, bare. I couldn’t change what the last few months had brought. I couldn’t bring back Dad, and I wouldn’t take back Riley, but I could step forward.
“One day, will you tell me what happened to you?”
He took a moment to answer, and then nodded. “Just not right now. I’m not ready.”
His honesty was more soothing than knowing about his injury. “Thank you for tonight.”
His hand brushed my cheek, cupping my face and sending a thrill of electricity down my neck. “Sorry. It may have been a little heavy for first-date material.”
“It was perfect. Then again, I’ve been dreaming of a date with you since the first day of my freshman year, so we probably could have done something atrocious and awful, and it would have been perfect. Don’t ever apologize for showing me who you are.”
“There was another reason I was happy about you transferring,” he admitted.
“Oh?”
“Selfishly, I wanted you near me.”
“Josh—”
“Listen for a sec. Yes, I wanted you near me, and I still do, but there’s something I have to give you, and then you can choose what to do with it. Wait here.” He disappeared into his apartment for less than a minute and came back with a manila folder, rubbing his fingers along it nervously. “This is because I know what you’re capable of, even when you don’t.”
He gave me the folder, and I opened it slowly, sucking in my breath. “An application for Vanderbilt?”
He smiled. “Some dreams aren’t dead, just sleeping. I need you to know every option you have, and not to be scared of them. More than this craving to have you near me, I want you happy.”
That was the moment I fell in love with Josh Walker.
Everything clicked into place, mending the broken parts of my soul enough to finally breathe freely, to soak in everything about him, and the beauty of what we were together.
He leaned down and brushed his lips over mine, still holding my face. I arched up for more, wanting everything I knew he was capable of giving. That was the problem with kissing Josh. The guy had some seriously addictive kissing abilities. He gave me another lingering kiss and pulled away.
“First date, remember?”
My jaw dropped. “Seriously? After everything we’ve—” He was like a high school girl, forcing me back to halfway-to-first-base at the start of every date.
He feigned shock. “Why, I’ve never! December Howard! Whatever would you think of me if I let you steal my virtue on the first date?”
“Right. You’re so virginal.” He oozed raw sex, the kind I knew would be a little bit dirty and a whole lot to handle.
“Everything with you is new to me.” He let go of my face and turned me toward my front door. “Get inside before I change my mind, December.”
“Oooh, am I getting to you, Josh?”
He reached around me, opened my front door, and gently pushed me inside. “More than you’ll ever know. Now be good. Go to bed.”
“It’s nine o’clock.”
“Doesn’t matter. Go to sleep. Fully clothed. Or study. Or something.”
I turned around and saw him leaning against the top of the door frame, his hands braced on either side of the door. He was so damn beautiful. “Are you thinking about a second date?”