It was gone. His dream; their dream. Full Circle Coffee was nothing but burned, collapsed walls. Nothing but the handful of ash he had in his pocket. Stupid, really. What did taking it change? Just like keeping his queen all those years ago didn’t make him feel any closer to Teo, and the bird Tristan gave him wouldn’t fix the mess their relationship had become, keeping the ash was useless.
“Jay.”
Josiah managed to pull his eyes from the empty shell of Full Circle to look at Teo. His vision was blurred, because of tears or something else, Josiah didn’t know. The people here today knew Tristan. It wouldn’t be hard to figure out who Mateo was. By needing them, Josiah had solidified the link between them.
“Jay,” Mateo said again. “This isn’t a big deal. We’ll fix it. Tristan will fix it.”
Yesterday those words would have been enough to make Josiah buoyant. Teo was giving Tristan power, trusting in him, giving their relationship a stronger foundation. But now all he could think of was the fact that they’d been falling apart. Tristan and Teo were pulling away, leaving Josiah out in the cold. That he wasn’t in bed with them when the call came because he had resorted to leaving their home to strengthen their circle again; and now, the place that he wanted so much—the dream he’d had with Mateo when they were young—the piece of them that Josiah wished would be a part of all their happiness was gone.
And the police wondered if he’d done it. Maybe he had, in a way. Maybe he’d lit fire to his own dream the same way their relationship had begun to go up in flames.
Josiah felt as though he was floating, drifting in a way he never thought he would feel again, the three of them getting yanked farther and farther away from each other. Only in this moment, he wasn’t holding out his hands for them. He wasn’t trying to build their relationship, their dream again. He’d been doing it alone for the past week.
Full Circle was supposed to be the physical embodiment of them, and now it was gone. Just when his men were already drifting away, they lost this. He lost it.
It was a big deal to me, he wanted to say, but instead mumbled, “I want to go home, Teo.”
“Okay. Whatever you want, mi precioso.” Mateo looked over at Tristan, who spoke to a police officer and a firefighter.
Go to him, Josiah wanted to say, but the words didn’t come out. Mateo wouldn’t go, not with the officers around. He hated cops, but there was more than that. Did whatever was going on between them get so bad that they wouldn’t talk? Was it Teo’s fear of causing Tristan problems at work? Whatever it was, it still affected the balance between them. It was inevitable, he realized. They were destined for this because the three of them weren’t on even ground in every way.
All he wanted was to hold things together for them, but he hadn’t been strong enough. He’d been missing something, and maybe he always should have known that he couldn’t do it alone.
And as much as he wanted to believe everything would always be okay, his faith started to tremble with so many different parts of them breaking up at once.
In New York, things weren’t perfect, but Josiah was happy. He believed it would be okay because he had Teo...and then he lost him. Almost lost himself.
And then he fell in love with Tristan. He was making a life for himself, and even though things again hadn’t been perfect between him and Tristan, he believed they would be okay. Then Teo came back, and that happiness felt like it was being snatched away, because how could he lose one of them? How could he choose between them?
It was Josiah who decided that wasn’t an option. Josiah who decided they would all be happy—who believed their time had come. Who fought for the three of them because he wanted them so much.
Through the drama with Mateo’s past and Tristan’s job, he believed. He fought, only to experience them begin to unravel for an unknown reason. Again, he fought for them the only way he knew how.
And now another shot, another hurdle. Josiah wasn’t that strong. He never had been, and he wasn’t sure he had it in himself to fight anymore, especially if he had to do it alone.
“Jay.” Mateo stepped in front of Josiah so he could see nothing but Teo. He didn’t speak, just looked in Josiah’s eyes. Even Josiah wondered what he saw there.
Josiah looked down. “I’m going home, with or without you guys. I can’t be here.” He couldn’t see this, couldn’t feel their eyes on him after they’d questioned him about burning down his own dream.
Before Josiah had a chance to do much of anything, Tristan walked up.
“Let’s go.” He went to the driver side and got in. Teo opened the front passenger door for Josiah, who sat without a word. Mateo climbed into the back as the three of them drove home in silence.