“Isn’t everyone?”
He guessed she was right about that.
“You look upset. What’s going on?” Rhonda set her mound of yarn on the coffee table. She wore the robe that she had on almost every day. Not for the first time, he felt sadness for her. She deserved better than keeping herself locked in her apartment like this.
“Mateo’s PO came over this morning. It’s a struggle for him already, living with the things he’s done. It makes it worse when he worries about it affecting me or Tris.”
“Because it’s the foundation of who he is. We all have a goal in this world, something that we want. Yes, we all want love, and acceptance, but Mateo grew up in an ugly world. He never felt like he deserved anything except for that existence, until you. You gave him hope and made him want more. You were the only thing he’d ever had that made him really want to be more, and now he has that same feeling about Tristan. That visit reminds him of the person he wants to forget existed. Even if only momentarily, it takes away the hope he now has. It brings back the fear he never would have admitted he had before you, and then Tristan.”
Josiah nodded, knowing she was right.
“Look at my son. He feels like he failed me. He didn’t protect me. When I got lost this summer, yes, it was a horrible thing, but for Tristan it felt like the end of the world. All he wants is to protect those he loves. To feel like he doesn’t let them down. And even though I was the one who screwed up trying to leave this house alone, for Tristan it brought back those same kinds of fears and self-doubt incidents like this do for Mateo. You have to admit they’re getting better, though. And no matter how much we both want to fix what’s broken, no one can other than the two of them.”
Again, he knew she was right, but that didn’t mean he didn’t wish things were different. Didn’t wish he could fix it. “You and Mateo are still talking?”
“We are.” She nodded, and he knew that’s all she would say. He respected her for that.
“What about you? What is it that you want, Josiah? What is it you fear?”
“Losing them. Not being able to hold it together for all of us.” The answer came automatically. Mateo and Tristan both told him all the time how strong he was, that he was the glue that held them all together, but what if he couldn’t do it? What if he wasn’t strong enough, or he somehow lost one of them? “They’re what I need. I just want to be what they need, too. I need to be able to remind them they can be happy, we can all be happy, because neither of them will do it on their own.”
That’s all he wanted. Mateo needed to feel like he deserved them, and Tristan needed to feel like he wouldn’t let them down. Josiah needed them to know they could be happy. They were getting there. Yes, he’d always wanted his coffeehouse, but it was more now. Now it almost felt like part of their glue. It was proof their dreams could come true and they could all have what they wanted.
“Thanks for the talk.” Josiah kissed Rhonda’s forehead and stood. “Can I have that? Whatever you’re making, when you’re done?”
She laughed. “I can’t promise it will be anything, but sure.”
He gave her another goodbye and then headed to the coffeehouse. He needed to be there for some reason. As Josiah fumbled with the keys at the door, his phone rang. There was such a small group of people who called him, the odds were pretty good it would be Mateo or Tristan.
He pulled his cell out of his pocket, only to see the number was unavailable. Josiah put the phone to his ear, still messing with the lock. “Hello?”
Silence.
“Hello?” he said again. When no one replied, he hung up. In the three hours he stayed at the coffeehouse, he got three more calls with exactly the same thing. Nothing.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Tristan
“Are you saying I’m supposed to have a background check done on someone before I become friends with them?” Tristan tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair, fighting to keep himself from counting his pulse. Fighting to keep his temper under control.
“Of course not.” Larry rolled a pen between his fingers. “That’s ridiculous, Tristan, and you know it.” His superior continued the movement with the pen.
“Are you saying having breakfast with my neighbor affects my work performance? I have to tell you, that sounds ridiculous to me. My record proves otherwise. There’s no one who wins more cases than I do.”
Larry shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t put words into my mouth. That’s not what I’m saying.”