The table gets quiet. Bingo.
Burt says, "Car-in-o-gen."
I hold up an invisible pack, and say loud and sarcastic, "Hello. Carcinogens. . . Sodium Nitrite, Sodium Nitrate. I rest my case."
"Hot dogs don't cause cancer," says Hippo slow with his big round face.
Pat clucks, "I'm going to be sick."
Burt says, "Say goo'night."
Rich says, "The hot dogs are fine. They're the best, Roscoe Mueller."
Say no more, not to make a scene, but sneer. Oh no. They wouldn't put anything bad in something people eat. Lindsay says, "Do you freak out every time you eat?" and giggles.
An attractive girl is talking to me and smiling. Has to be a set up. She lures me back to her room, then her boyfriend jumps me. Why even hope? No attractive woman is into fat guys. "Well not every time. Well pretty much, yea. Most times."
She stares, eyes grinning.
"Probably a few times I didn't." We take a few bites. "
Scones are evil. Fruits and vegetables are good, as long as they're organic, otherwise they're evil. Cake, meat, anything that tastes good, is evil. Boring is good. Oatmeal."
"So pretty much everything causes cancer." She laughs.
"Hydrogenated oil is heart attacks, but yes. Hot dogs, cold cuts, fruits with pesticides, anything plastic, and of course coffee stirrers."
"Coffee stirrers?"
"Well yeah, think about it, you put a strip of plastic into piping hot liquid and swirl it around. Do you have any idea how many thousands of carcinogens leech into the coffee? A lot."
"They wouldn't use harmful substances."
I get louder, "You would think! Sounds like a good rule. DEATH TAKE ME NOW! . . . Are you kidding me? Please tell me you're kidding. They don't care if they kill people. They only care about one thing"
She cuts me off, "Follow the money."
"Yes." I chuckle.
Loucarla can't see Pretty Tony thrust his hips like Michael Jackson. I look at him skeptical. He laughs. Crude manners. No one else notices.
"What they don't tell you, is to dial 9-1-, then take a bite, and then dial the last 1.
Pretty Tony, interjects in Reggae beat, "B irds...drop-ping... from da sky."
"It's a pyramid scheme. The dollar bill, a pyramid. They're all in on it."
Pat asks, "Foxavier, do you want fries?" Shouldn't, but take some. Don't do evil. It tastes good. You'll feel sick after. I feel sick now. Try not to take too many. Burt pushes the mashed potatoes towards Ralph, who has a David Niven mustache, "No, you finish your ve-ta-ble."