Suddenly, the door flew open as I looked up from my computer and nearly stopped breathing.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Black. I tried to stop her,” Valerie spoke.
“It’s alright, Valerie. Please shut the door.”
“Hello, Connor. It’s good to see you again; it’s been way too long,” the tall woman spoke.
“Ashlyn, what the hell are you doing here?” my voice angered.
She walked further into my office and made herself comfortable in the plush chair that sat across from my desk.
“Is that any way to talk to a friend that you haven’t seen in ten years?”
“Cut the bullshit, Ashlyn, and answer the f**king question.”
She cleared her throat and shifted in her chair. “I’m in a bit of a situation, Connor, and I was wondering if you could help me?”
I sat down in my chair and glared at her. She really hadn’t changed too much in the past ten years.
Her black, straight hair was the same, and her dark brown eyes still displayed the same sadness as they did all those years ago. I folded my hands in front of me.
“What do you want, Ashlyn?”
“I’m completely broke. I was kicked out of my apartment, and I don’t know what else to do. I guess you can consider me homeless,” she said as she took in a deep breath.
“What about your parents? Why aren’t you going to them?”
“They told me that I’m a disgrace to the family and that I need to get my act together. They’ve helped me countless times, and they refuse to do it again.”
I got up from my seat, walked over to where Ashlyn was sitting, and leaned up against the desk, trying to figure out why she came to see me.
“Why me, Ashlyn? We haven’t seen or spoken to each other in ten years.”
At that moment, before she could answer, Valerie buzzed in and told me my meeting was about to start.
“I’m sorry, Ashlyn. I have a meeting, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to help you. So, if you’ll excuse me, I have to leave.”
She got up from her chair in a huff, grabbed her purse, and started towards the door. She abruptly turned around.
“You owe me, Connor Black. My life is a clusterfuck because of you. My sister committed suicide because of you, and it ruined my life. I miss Amanda so much, and she would still be here if it wasn’t for you!” she yelled.
I stood there, unable to speak, as everything Ashlyn just said was true. She turned away and walked to the door.
“Wait,” I said. “I’ll take you to dinner tonight where we can discuss this further. Maybe I can help you. I’ll have my driver pick you up at 7:00 pm. Where are you staying?”
“I’m not staying anywhere. I just told you I was broke, and I sure as hell don’t have enough money for a hotel.”
I walked to the door and opened it, motioning for Ashlyn to step out.
“Valerie, please book a room at the Marriott Downtown for Miss Johnson and have it billed to the company.” Valerie nodded and picked up the phone.
“Thank you, Connor, I knew I could count on you,” she smiled.
“My driver will pick you up at 7:00 pm sharp.”
I turned away and shook my head. Why the hell would she just show up here after all these years and then throw Amanda’s death in my face?
I sat at my desk, pondering why she was still in my life a year later, and why I haven’t done anything about it.
I was startled by a knock at the door as Valerie came in and set a cup of coffee on my desk.
“Good morning, Mr. Black.”
“Good morning, Valerie. Do me a favor and clear my schedule for this afternoon. I have something that I need to do.”
“Yes, Mr. Black, I’ll get on that immediately.”
“Thank you, Valerie,” I said as she left my office.
I pulled out my cell phone, dialed Dr. Peters, and made an appointment for later this afternoon.
With the return of the nightmares, I figured it was about time. I finished up some paperwork, made a few business calls, and alerted Denny that I was leaving the office early and to come pick me up.
I stepped into the Limo and instructed Denny to take me to the penthouse, so I could pick up the Range Rover and drive myself to Dr. Peter’s office. I didn’t want him knowing where I was going. I consider Denny one of my best friends. He’s been with Black Enterprises for the past ten years. He drove for my father and now he drives for me.
Denny is in his early fifty’s, and he’s seen a lot from me in the past ten years. He’s always been there for me and even bailed me out of trouble a few times without ever telling my father. He’s like a second father to me as well as my confidant. I could always count on him to help me out if I needed it.
In return, I make sure that he and his family are well taken care of.
Chapter 2
“Long time no see, Connor,” Dr. Peters said as he sat in the blue chair across from me. “I thought you’d given up coming here.”
“I haven’t given up, Dr. Peters; I’ve just been too busy to make an appointment,” I sighed.
I’ve been seeing Dr. Peters for a few years, and he’s the only other person who knows about Amanda apart from Ashlyn. He’s an older gentleman, with salt and pepper hair and a medium build. I found him very easy to open up to. I suppose that’s why I continued seeing him for so long. I’ve tried other therapists, including women, but it became too complicated when they wanted to sleep with me instead of trying to help me.
“Tell me, Connor, have you made any progress since our last visit?”
I leaned back and rested my elbow on the arm of the chair. “No, I haven’t, but like I told you before, I’m not interested in being in a relationship. I like my life just the way it is.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “So, why are you here today?”
“I’ve been having the nightmares again,” I answered as I took in a deep breath.
Dr. Peters looked intently at me and cocked his head, “When did they resume?”
“They came back about a month ago,” I said.
“What do you think triggered them this time?” he asked as if I would really know the answer.
“I don’t know, Dr. Peters, that’s why I’m here.”
“Are you still seeing Ashlyn?”
I looked to the side as I answered his question, “Yes, I am.”
“Are you starting to have feelings for her?” he asked in a serious manner.
“Fuck no, I’m not starting to have feelings for her,” I snapped as I got up from the chair, put my hands in my pocket, and walked over to the window.
“She’s a good lay, that’s it. There’s nothing more to her than that!”
“Why did you get so upset when I asked you that question? It seems to me that you’re angry because you might want something more with someone. Maybe not with Ashlyn or with the other woman you see on a regular basis, but I think you’re starting to feel lonely.”
I turned around and looked at him. Anger began settling in my eyes. “I don’t want anything more with any woman. How many times do I have to tell you that?”
“Calm down, Connor, and sit back in the chair. You need to listen to yourself. It’s not healthy not to want anything more in life than just work. You’ve let your emotions die because of Amanda, and you need to accept the fact that her death wasn’t your fault. You said it yourself; the girl already had emotional problems when you met her.”
I walked back and sat in the chair directly across from Dr. Peters. “She did have some emotional problems, but she clearly pointed out in the letter she left that she killed herself because I broke up with her. How the hell does someone ever get over that? How can I ever get into another relationship with someone knowing that I was the cause of someone else’s death?”
Dr. Peters sat there, staring at me and taking in every word I spoke. “Doc, I don’t feel anything when I’m with a woman. I don’t feel any type of connection at all. There are no emotions running through me, and I could care less if they want more from me. I’m upfront with the women that I sleep with. I use them for pleasure alone, nothing else, and if it’s not good, then I toss them aside and find someone else.”
“Those are harsh words, Connor,” he said tilting his head to one side.
“No emotions, remember, Dr. Peters?”
He sighed and got up from his chair, “I just think you haven’t allowed yourself to find the right woman yet.”
“There is no right woman out there for me, and even if there was, it wouldn’t matter. She would find out who I really am and want nothing to do with me. My past will always stand in the way of that.”
“I’m prescribing you some sleep medication,” Dr. Peters said as he handed me the small piece of paper. “Take one right before bed, and hopefully you’ll be able to get some rest. It won’t stop the nightmares; only you can put an end to them.”
I got up from the chair and sighed. “Thanks for seeing me today; I’ll be in touch.”
“I want to see you next week, Connor, so make sure you make the appointment.”
As I walked out of the office, a text message from Ashlyn came through.
“Let’s meet up tonight at Club S for some fun.”
Club S wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, but I didn’t mind going there to look at the beautiful women. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve brought women home from that club. They don’t call it Club S for nothing. After the session I just had with Dr. Peters, I needed to go out tonight and get drunk to take my mind off things. I replied back to Ashlyn.
“I’ll meet you there around 8:30 pm.”
“Wonderful, I’ll be waiting, and I’ll be wearing something extra sexy for you.”
I arrived back at the penthouse and changed into my workout clothes. I grabbed my bag and had Denny drive me to the gym. A good workout is what I needed right now. I needed to decompress from my session with Dr. Peters. I will never allow myself to fall in love, and there will never be a Mrs.
Black walking around the streets of New York, even though many women have stepped in line to try and be the first.
I ran six miles on the treadmill, lifted some weights, and f**ked Stephanie in the steam room. I’d say it was a very productive workout. Stephanie is fully aware of my rules, and she’s less complicated than the others. She likes it quick and rough with a lot of hair pulling, so of course I have to oblige to keep her wanting more. She’s one hell of a kinky girl. Afterwards, there’s no talk and no questions asked; just a smile and a wave goodbye.
I walked out of the gym with a smile on my face, and as I slipped into the back of the limo, Denny turned around and looked at me.
“Judging by the smile on your face, I assume you had an exceptional workout?”
“I sure did, Denny, I sure did,” I smiled as I leaned my head back.
Upon arriving back at the penthouse, I threw my gym bag in the closet and headed upstairs for a quick shower to wash off the smell of sweat and sex from my body.