“It’s just an expression—”
“No. It’s an ideology. You firmly believe it. You think it’s not worth it for me to step in to defend you with your shithead ex-boyfriend or your dad or whoever. It’s not worth it, you think, for me to put myself out there for you. But you know what? It’s not enough. Giving up that job was nothing compared to what you mean to me.”
Those words. Those words did something to me physically. They pierced me with a needle-like pain while joy burned white-hot inside my chest.
“We were just fooling around…” I said faintly, almost hoping he would confirm that. I needed to stay angry at him. I needed those walls to protect my tender and battered heart.
“I’ve wanted you since the moment I first laid eyes on you. And yeah, I wanted that in my way, on my terms. I wanted your body. I thought you were beautiful. I knew who you were at Comic-Con, and I thought being drunk would be a great excuse to be one and done with you, get you out of my system.”
He blew out a breath and reached up to rub the back of his neck. “But it didn’t work out that way. I couldn’t get the taste of you out of my mind and it just made me want you more.”
He had no idea that his words were doing the opposite of whatever his intent was. Because they were only confirming what I’d suspected all along. “Yes. We had fun, but—”
“I’m not finished.” I raised my brows and folded my arms across my chest, leaning back against the door to allow him to continue. “The sex was good. Really good. I thought—I thought that was all it was. Just really good, hot sex.” I opened my mouth to interrupt him, but he held up a hand to stop me.
“But then I realized there were other feelings involved and that I was putting the cart before the horse. I thought that the sex being so amazing was leading me to confuse that for deeper feelings…until I started thinking about stuff yesterday on the plane and in New York. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had gone on and how I felt like shit because of it. And then it occurred to me that the reason the sex was so good was because I already cared. Deeper than I ever thought I could. Than I ever even wanted to.”
“You didn’t want to?”
He looked away and then back at me. “No.”
“What—what made you change your mind?”
“I never changed my mind, April. You changed my heart.” My eyes slipped from his even as my own heart skipped beats. First one, then two. Then it tripped all over itself as his words registered.
“I wish...I wish you had said something to me on Saturday at the party. But you didn’t. You left me there, standing in front of everyone.”
He closed his eyes, his jaw working. “I’m completely ashamed of that. And if I could change it, I would. Everything happened so fast. I have no excuse for how I behaved. It was cowardly. I’m so sorry, April. I should have stood up there with you.”
He opened his eyes and met my gaze again. Then he took a deep breath.
“Those last two weeks while I was on the road, I missed you. A lot. I thought about you all the time, wondered what you were doing. I picked up the phone to text you at least a hundred times a day. I had to restrain myself. Any funny thing that happened, any iffy joke I heard, I wanted to send to you. I wanted you to tell me I was being inappropriate. I love being inappropriate with you.”
I took my own deep breath and let it go. He smiled, and reaching out, he took a strand of my hair and wound it around his index finger. “I love you, April Weiss. My very own fairytale princess.”
Tears immediately pricked my eyes, and I covered my mouth and nose with my hands. Jordan watched me carefully but still made no further move to touch me. I leapt forward and threw my arms around him, pulling him to me.
His arms snaked around my waist, tightening. It felt so good. So damn good. He buried his face in my hair, kissing my neck, and I kissed him everywhere I could reach…his neck, his jaw, his cheek.
“Who would have thought a beast could say such pretty words?”
He turned his head and caught my mouth with his. My heart surged in my chest, like it had grown too big or my chest cavity was too small to contain it. It felt full, painful even. And there was too much love here for it to hold.
“I told you, I’m the Big Bad Wolf. And later, I’m going to eat you all up.”
I smiled and nipped at his neck with my teeth. “Yes, please.”
He held me for a long time, his hands on my back, his face in my hair, his head against mine. I could have stood like that all day, it felt so good.