“No, it’s perfectly accurate,” he cut me off, raising his voice. “You’re the goddamn CFO of the company. A founder. An officer. You took advantage of her. Even before you sat through that sexual harassment training, you knew better, Jordan.”
My throat closed up. I had nothing to say. He was absolutely right. With a shaky hand, I lifted the Scotch to my lips and knocked it back.
He hissed out a breath, shaking his head. “And to make it all that much worse, David will probably be our board chair. Jesus Christ, Jordan, when you fuck up, you fuck up big.” He ran a hand through his hair, his lip curling with disgust. “You’ve lied to me this entire time. From the beginning. And you dug yourself in deeper with more lies. Not only is that disturbing, it’s a massive disappointment.”
You’re a disappointment. I’d heard those words out of the old man’s mouth often in my formative years, and I’d hardened myself to their effects. But similar words coming from my best friend…hearing Adam utter them was like a bludgeon to the chest. I let out a long breath and set down the glass.
Yes, I was a disappointment. To my father. To my best friend. To her.
“This is why you have to fire me,” I said in a voice that was too shaky for my own comfort.
He shook his head. “I’m not firing you.”
“You have to. You fired her. You have to fire me, too. If this got out—”
“It’s not going to get out.”
“Not from her, no. She wanted to go to you and let you know, prepare you in case this got out. I told her not to. It’s not fair to make her pay for what both of us did.”
Adam rubbed at the throbbing vein on his forehead, his eyes rolling in exasperation. “Well, you’ve succeeded in getting my nuts in a vise. Is this the part where you start tightening it?”
“I’m sorry, Adam. I fucked up. Believe me, if I’d known what all would have come from this… I—I wanted her gone first thing, remember? I asked you to move her—”
“But you didn’t tell me why.”
I took a breath and let it go. “No.”
“Fucking hell,” he said, rubbing his forehead again. “We’ll deal with this when we get back to California. I’m not doing this now. We have a company to take to the market. After tomorrow, we’ll get on the plane and we’ll iron this out at home.”
My fists tightened. He was giving me an out. Over and over again he’d offered it to me. It was more than I deserved. “Adam, you have to—”
“I don’t have to do anything. Do you understand me?” he yelled. “This is my company and I’m the goddamn CEO and I’m not firing you!”
“Then I quit.”
He froze. We stared at each other for a long stretch of minutes. From the look on his face, I could tell he wanted to reach out with his bare hands and strangle me. I did have his nuts in a vise and I wasn’t loosening it. I couldn’t…I wouldn’t.
He shook his head. “Five years. Five years we’ve worked our asses off. Hundreds, thousands of hours of time, energy, brainpower. You are throwing that all away, over what exactly? A newfound principle?”
I couldn’t answer. All I could think about was April, her pale, beautiful, tear-stained face, that look of betrayal in her dark blue eyes. Those lips uttering that condemnation of me, calling me a hypocrite, even if I didn’t know that’s what she was saying. As much as Adam’s admonition had hurt, disappointing her felt so much worse. Because she’d believed in me.
Until I’d let her down.
“I don’t even know who the fuck you are anymore.” Adam snatched up his jacket and tie, spun and stormed out of the door.
When it shut, I let out the breath I’d been holding, a little dizzy, more than a little sick over what I’d just done. But also, if I cared to examine the feeling closely enough, relieved.
A few hours later, I made my way through John F. Kennedy airport, bag slung over my arm, on the way to my gate. I had two hours before the red-eye flight I’d managed to book at the last minute. I wandered into a bookstore and went straight to the classics section.
It took some searching because I kept forgetting the name of the author, but a clerk helped me find it. I found an empty seat in the first-class lounge, plugged my phone in to charge and cracked open The Scarlet Letter. From the looks of it, I would have it finished by the time the plane touched down.
I could have stayed. I could have been there on the floor of the exchange to answer press questions by Adam’s side, but the victory was hollow without her.