“I think that will be a very acceptable tale,” I suggested and looked round at my family. They were all nodding except Riddle. He had that weary expression that I had often worn when Chade would announce one of his masquerades.
“Give me five days to make all ready,” Dutiful suggested.
“I should like to leave in two,” I said quietly. One would have been better.
“Three, then,” he compromised.
I still had a difficulty. “I must entrust the Fool to your safekeeping. He will not be pleased about this, for he believes he must go with me. He thinks he can make the journey, despite blindness and his frail health. But I do not think I can care for him and still travel by the stones as swiftly as I need to.”
Kettricken had come to stand beside me. She set her hand on my arm. “Leave our old friend in my hands, Fitz. I will see that he is neither neglected nor overwhelmed. It would be my pleasure to do so.”
“I will send word to my brothers and Hap, to let them know you are departing,” Nettle offered. She shook her head. “I do not think they will have time to journey here and wish you farewell.”
“Thank you,” I told her, and wondered why such niceties never occurred to me. Then I knew. Farewells were always hard for me. And I’d left the most difficult one for last. The Fool was not going to be pleased with my plan.
It was difficult for me to extract myself from that gathering. Suggestions and ideas and warnings from those who loved me battered me until almost the dinner hour. As we left the chamber, I informed them that I had had to visit the Fool again. Kettricken nodded grimly. Riddle, ever pragmatic, said he would see that food and wine were sent up to Mage Gray’s rooms.
I dragged my feet through the halls of Buckkeep, inventing and discarding a hundred ways of telling him that I was leaving him behind. I stood for a long time outside his door. At last I decided there was no good way to give him the news. Once more, I considered a coward’s way out: I simply would not tell him. I would just go.
But I was certain that Ash would be a party to the announcement of my departure, and what he knew, the Fool would know. I lifted my hand and knocked and waited. Spark opened the door to me. She smiled to see me, and I decided that perhaps they had made up their quarrel. “It’s Prince FitzChivalry, sir. Shall I admit him?” she called merrily over her shoulder.
“Of course!” He sounded hearty. I peered past Spark to see Lord Gray sitting at his table. Motley was there, among an assortment of small items. I guessed at the game they’d been playing. I was glad at how quickly he’d recovered his spirits and miserable that I would soon destroy his cheerfulness. But I had no choice.
No sooner was the door closed behind me than he demanded, “How soon do we leave?”
Just say it. “I leave in three days.”
“I’ll be ready.”
“I can’t take you with me.”
He cocked his head at me. Shock was replaced with a desperate smile. “And yet well you know you cannot find the way there without me.”
“I can.” I stepped around Spark and moved toward the table. I drew out the other chair and sat down opposite him. He opened his mouth. “No,” I said firmly. “Hear me out. I can’t take you, Fool. I make the first part of my journey by the stones, using the same ones that Bee did. I dare not try to take you through with me—”
“I dare!” he declared over the top of my words, but I kept speaking.
“You are still healing. It’s not just your body that needs time, as well we both know. It’s best you take that time here at Buckkeep, where you are warm, safe, and fed, among friends. It’s my hope that as your health improves, the King’s Own Coterie can attempt a fuller Skill-healing, perhaps even restore your vision. I know it must sound harsh to you, but if I try to take you with me, it will slow me down and may well kill you.”
The crow and the serving girl regarded me with hard, bright eyes. The Fool was breathing hard through his nose, as if he’d just climbed a towerful of stairs. His hands gripped the edge of the table. “You mean it,” he said in a shaking voice. “You’re leaving me here. I hear it in your voice.”
I drew a deep breath. “If I could, Fool, I would—”
“But you can. You can! Take the risk! Take all the risks! So we die in a stone, or on a ship, or at Clerres. So we die, and it ends. We die together.”
“Fool, I—”
“She wasn’t only your child! She was the hope of the world. And she was mine, and I only ever touched her for one brief moment! Why can you imagine I’d hesitate to risk my life for the chance to avenge her? To bring all Clerres crashing down around their ears! What, do you imagine I’ll sit here and drink tea and chat with Kettricken while you go off without me? Fitz! Fitz! You can’t do this to me! You can’t!”