“It sounds as if you've had more than one conversation with her in this regard.”
She paused a trifle. “Tintaglia is an interesting creature. I don't think I'd ever dare call her my friend. She thinks she is, or more accurately, I think she believes I owe her loyalty and duty or worship, simply because she is a dragon. But it is hard to call someone your friend when you know that your death would mean no more to her than a moth flying into a candle means to me. Pftt! Oh, it's gone. Too bad. As if I were just an animal!” She snatched a flower from a nearby bed as if to tear it apart.
I winced. She sensed it.
“No, I meant like a bug or a fish. Not like a wolf.” Then, as if the thought had only just come to her, “You aren't as I see you in my mind. I know that now. I know you aren't a wolf. I mean, I don't think of you as just an animal. Did I hurt your feelings?” Hastily, she restored the flower to its broken stem.
She had, but I didn't think I could explain it to myself, let alone her. “It's fine. I know what you meant.”
“And when you come back with the others, I'll finally get to meet you and see you as you are?”
“When I come back, it's very likely we'll meet.”
“But how will I know you?”
“I'll tell you it's me.”
“Good.” Hesitantly she added, “I missed you while you were gone. I wanted to talk to you, when they told me my father was dead. But I couldn't find you. Where did you go?”
“Someone very important to me was in trouble. I went to help him. But now that's all settled, and we'll be coming home soon.”
“Someone important to you? Will I meet him?”
“Of course. I think you'll like him.”
“Who are you?”
I wasn't expecting the question just then. It took me off balance. I didn't want to tell her that I was FitzChivalry or Tom Badgerlock. I found myself saying, unplanned, “I'm someone who used to know your mother, before she met Burrich and married him.”
Her reaction was not what I expected. “You're that old?” She was shocked.
“And I think I just got older,” I told her, laughing.
But she did not laugh with me. Her reply was stiff. “Then I suppose that when you return, you are more like to be my mother's friend than mine.”
There was a complication I had not counted on. Jealousy rang green in her thoughts. I tried to stem it. “Nettle, I have long cared about both of you. And will continue to do so.”
Even colder, she asked, “Will you try to take my father's place with her?”
I felt a blundering fool. I groped for an answer and then forced myself to face a truth I'd been avoiding. “Nettle. They were together for, what, sixteen years? They shared seven children. Do you think anyone could take his place with her?”
“Just so you understand that,” she replied, somewhat mollified. And then she dismissed me with “Now I must clear my dreams of you in case the Prince wishes to find me. Almost every night, he or Lord Chade has words I must bear to the Queen. I get little time to make my own dreams anymore. Good night, Shadow Wolf.”
And then her fragrant garden and gentle twilight world faded away from me and I was left in the darkness. It took a short time for me to realize I was not asleep at all, but was lying on the floor of the Black Man's cave, staring into shadows dimly lit by the embers in his fireplace. I thought over what I had told Nettle, and decided that I had been foolish to let her know that I had once loved Molly. And how could I not have foreseen that Molly's children, including Nettle, might see me as an interloper in their household? I felt discouragement wash over me, and considered a total retreat from all of it.
But in the wake of that, I found iron resolution. No. I would not flee from the chaos I had made of my life. I loved Molly, still, and I thought it possible that she might still have some feelings for me. Even if she didn't, I had told Burrich that I would see to the well-being of his younger children. I would be needed there, even if I were not welcomed at first. I might fail; Molly might even drive me off. But I would not surrender before I had tried.
I was going home.
Chapter 32
THROUGH STONES
The Witness Stones have stood, time out of mind, through storm and earthquake, on Witness Hill near Buckkeep Castle. There is no record of who raised them. Some say that they are as old as the foundations of Buckkeep Castle itself. Others say they are older still. A number of traditions have grown up around them. It is a popular place for couples to pledge their wedding vows, for it is said that if someone speaks falsely before the stones, the gods themselves will punish them. It is also said that if men meet there, to decide the truth by contest, the stones will look down and see that the victory goes to the honorable man.
