But if she will lie to me with her smiles, how can I trust her not to shield her thoughts from me? How can I trust that she will let me know the truth?
The answer is a simple—but hurtful—one. I must act as if there is no mental link at all.
SASHA
When Dakh is finally asleep, I slide out of his grip and get up from the floor. I’m aching all over, my knees wobbly and weak. I’m wet between my thighs from our mating, and my skin feels feverish and hot. In short, I feel like crap. So I pick up my beach towel and glance over at my dragon captor again.
He sleeps, one clawed hand twitching as if even in his dreams, he’s reaching for me.
I wrap the towel around my body and head to the back of the store, alone. It’s awfully quiet—too quiet. There’s nothing but my thoughts, and I’m not sure I want to be alone with them right now. Then again, I didn’t want to be alone with Dakh, either, so I guess I’m just impossible to please right now. I head for the pool and sink into the waters, not caring that it’s cold and the bubbles are gone.
I just had sex with a dragon.
I’m…not entirely sure how I feel about that. Part of me is kind of relieved that it’s over, because now I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I know what to expect. He’s got a huge dick, he’s a little rough even when he tries to be gentle, and he bites. Really, it could have been much worse. I think of Tate and all the times he made me feel terrible before doing his best to degrade me. I can deal with a slightly rough, biting dragon-man who has decided to claim me.
I’m a little disappointed in Dakh, too. Part of me was hoping he’d realize I was no longer enthusiastic the moment he pushed me down onto the ground, and that he’d stop. That we’d go back to the petting and stroking of my breasts. Because I’d enjoyed that—a lot—and it had surprised me. I thought I hated all sex. Now I realize I like being petted and caressed, but the actual sex act itself is just something to be endured, even with someone different.
I put a hand between my thighs under the water. My pussy’s throbbing, and I feel worn out. My neck throbs, too, and I realize I feel feverish all over—both inside and out. Is that because his cum was hotter than a human man’s cum? I could actually feel it inside me, like a hot splash over my insides. It was the strangest sensation. Maybe I can talk Dakh into wearing a condom, if they even make them dragon-sized. I’ll have to look at the pharmacy. My neck aches, too, and I rub it.
I can’t help but feel a little guilty that I’m back to trading my body for safety. I told myself that I’d never do such a thing, and then I met Tate. Granted, I mostly slept with Tate for a few bites to eat or some money, but being with him also gave me security from the other New Militia jerks. They knew I was Tate’s plaything and didn’t mess with me. And I told myself that if it was just Tate, it’d be different. But now I’ve gone and given myself to a dragon, and I feel a little ashamed.
I’ve always told myself I’d do what I have to do to survive, but sometimes getting my brain on board with the program is a little more difficult. I sink lower into the water, wishing I didn’t feel weird about this. Dakh’s been kind but…
This was never how I pictured my life, to be tossed between one man after another, nothing more than a possession.
Dakh wakes up toward the end of the evening, and I do my best to remain normal around him.
I’ve been busy “improving” my house, trying to keep my mind off of what just happened between us. I blew up an air mattress and redid my bed, so now it’s nice and neat. I’ve found a battery-powered lamp and a few batteries with some juice left in them and have a small bedside lamp so I can read. And I’ve eaten an entire bag of stale chocolate chips, because I figure a girl can treat herself after a day like today. I’m in new pajamas since Dakh shredded my last pair, and my hair’s dry and fluffy. I have a good book in my hands.
I should be happy.
Instead, I’m nervous. Dakh comes over to my bed where I’m curled up, reading, and nuzzles at my hair, inhaling deeply. I give him a polite smile, but inwardly, I’m worried he’s going to want to have sex again. How often do dragons mate, I wonder. Maybe I’ll get lucky and it’s only a once-a-month thing. That’d be all right. I think I could endure monthly.
But all he does is rub his nose along my neck and then pads away.
I pick my book up again, but I’m a little weirded out. Is he…leaving me for good? Is he done with me now? I can’t tell if I feel rejected or relieved.
I’m so confused. I read for a moment longer, then put my book down and move to the end of the aisle, peeping to watch him. He’s heading to the front of the store, his stride calm and easy. This is also the first time he’s left my side voluntarily since he nabbed me, and I don’t know what to think.
“All right, Sasha. If he’s leaving you for good, you need a plan B.” I turn back to my bed and sit down, cross-legged. I rub my aching neck, thinking. There are pads of stationary a few aisles down, and I can write out a supply list. I could fill a backpack of things that could be worth money back at Fort Dallas and return there and live like a queen for a short time. Well, as long as no one robbed me, of course. But that would mean going back to Fort Dallas by myself, and I don’t even know that Claudia or Amy are there anymore. I have a few friends left there—like Melina, the local doctor, who’s seen me far more than she should. I could go back and stick with what I know.
Or I could live here alone for a while, like Emma did, and disguise my scent from dragons. I could hold my own and just suck it up in regards to the loneliness.
I could also go and look for Claudia and her dragon. That’s the most dangerous of the three options, because I’d be looking for dragons instead of running away from them, but I also feel obligated to my friend and her sister.
My head hurts because none of those options seem like good ones. I don’t know what to do. Miserable, I curl up in my bed and lie down. My arm hurts, too, the bones aching deep. My hip feels like poop, too. I’m just whiny and miserable. It’s the fever, maybe. I press my hand to my forehead and I feel hot. Ugh.
Maybe I’m allergic to dragon semen. Wouldn’t that just figure.
DAKH
My Sasha. I roll her name around in my mind as I return from my hunt to find her sleeping. She is curled up in her bed, beads of sweat on her brow. Her scent is heavily mixed with mine, so the fires must be raging through her. I move to lie next to her and pull her against me, wanting to feel her close to me.