Her lips trembled. “I used to think the same thing—that my dad would walk in the door, give me a hug, and then we’d all sit down to dinner. He told terrible jokes, but I miss them.”
We sat in silence, each of us studying the other one, processing each other’s grief.
A glint of understanding crossed her face. “Is—is your mom’s death the reason you push girls away?”
I froze. “Why would you say that?”
“It would make sense. Loving hurts, but losing someone . . . devastates you. Changes you.”
The air became charged with something I’d never felt with a girl.
The thing is people you love do disappear—like Father when I was a baby and Mum when she died.
I never wanted to revisit that pain again.
I refused to give someone that kind of power over me again.
But she was staring into my broken heart, and I was letting her.
I sucked in a breath. “Yes.”
“And control is how you cope,” I added a few beats later, coming to my own realization.
She lifted clear blue eyes to mine. Earnest. Beautiful. She nodded. “Yes. Plans make me feel safe.”
And those few words were all we needed to understand each other perfectly.
Why we were broken the way we were.
A few moments went by, and eventually it became odd that our hands were touching yet we weren’t actually holding hands. She pulled hers away, her fingers once again tracing over her wrist.
I let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t be sad about your bracelet. I can’t stand it.”
She flicked questioning eyes at me. “Why do you care so much?”
Fuck, I don’t know!
I shrugged, playing it off. “Just glad you’re okay.”
“I know how lucky I am,” she said, “and I’m going to be more careful, but I’m also going to savor every moment of this vacation. I could be dead tomorrow.” She smiled. “I’m getting a tattoo and asking Lulu to show me how to dance.”
I nodded. “Since you’re into making changes, my offer of friendship still stands—only if you’re willing to eat at Panera with me.”
“Okay,” she said after a moment, leaning across the table with a gleam in her eyes. “But we’ll have to have some guidelines. A plan.”
I snorted at her obvious enthusiasm. “Why am I not surprised?”
She grabbed a pen from her purse, pulled out a clean napkin, and began scribbling, her deep blue eyes glancing up at mine from time to time as she wrote.
“I’m almost scared to ask what you’re doing,” I commented, trying to read her handwriting upside down.
“I’m making rules, or really just one because there’s only one rule for friendship with Dax Blay.”
I chuckled. “And what’s that?”
Her eyes lingered on my lips. “No kissing. Ever. Not on the mouth or anywhere that may cause lady parts to tingle. The End.” She sat her pen down and considered me, a little grin on her lips. “It would help if you didn’t have the most perfect ass in the whole world, but I guess you can’t change that.”
I arched a brow. “Too hot for you to handle?”
She rolled her eyes. “Shut up, Romeo.”
I grinned. “You’re priceless.”
“You think I’m goofy.”
“No, absolutely not. Sounds like a very good plan. I’m totally on board.” I kept my face straight.
“Are you sure you can do the no kissing thing?”
“I seem to recall just a bit ago your hands were down my jeans . . .”
“Okay, no need to elaborate, Sex Lord.”
“Uh-huh.”
She pushed the napkin over to me. “Can you sign your name?”
“You’re such a nerd. Should we pinky swear, too?” But I took the napkin and looked down at what she’d written out.
“Thank you for the compliment. Now shut up and sign on the line and date it, there and there,” she said, pointing at the hastily drawn lines. “I already did.”
I shook my head. If this is what it took to be friends with a girl who’d managed to get under my skin three years ago and stay there, then yeah, I was intrigued.
I signed it and pushed it back to her.
She pushed it back. “No, that’s your copy.” She got another napkin and redid the entire thing, putting her copy in her purse.
This was serious to her. I grinned.
After all copies were put away, she lifted her milkshake up in the air. “A toast to friendship with a guy I once had a three-night stand with.”
I smiled. “May the odds be ever in our favor.”
She giggled, and we clinked drinks.
My eyes landed on her full lips as she wrapped them around her straw.
What had I gotten myself into?
AFTER DAX AND Spider had seen us off in a cab, Lulu and I headed to The Tower Hotel. A few blocks from our destination we saw the majestic Tower of London all lit up, and because I was still wired, we stopped and hopped out to walk the rest of the way back to the hotel. It felt safe since a few people were still milling around the street, taking in the illuminating glow of the historic building. My foot throbbed slightly, but I knew from experience it wasn’t bad. I powered through the ache with determination.
Half an hour later, we walked in the lobby around three in the morning. Thankfully most of the guests were sleeping. My bruises had continued to darken as the night progressed, and I could only imagine what they’d think if they saw me with a giant t-shirt and flip-flops. Wild American girls.