Ignoring her attempts to placate him, he asked, “Where did you hit your head?” He was already feeling along her scalp, looking for injuries. When his fingers found the tender spot, she couldn’t hide her wince. He cursed under his breath, but she knew it was directed inwardly and not at her.
“It’s nothing, really. I barely hit it on the headboard.”
He rubbed it gently before pulling away. “Let me get you some ice for it.”
She grabbed his wrists to stop him. “No, please, just hold me for a while. I think we both need it.” Obviously torn, he finally gave in and pulled her to him before rolling over and settling her on his chest. She felt his lips brush against her hairline as he whispered, “I’m so sorry baby. It kills me that I hurt you of all people. I’m so damn sorry.”
She put her fingers over his mouth, “Shhh, don’t. You were asleep and I made a dumb mistake. I scared you and you reacted. Anyone would have done the same thing. I’m really fine. I would like to know about Craig though. I think you need to talk about it.”
He expelled a long breath and just when she thought he wasn’t going to answer her question, he started talking quietly. “Craig and I were stationed together in Afghanistan. He was on the last leg of his one and only tour. His wife had just had a baby and he was only weeks away from getting out of that hell to be with his family. He had a good job lined up, courtesy of her father, and they were going house hunting just as soon as he made it back. He had everything in front of him and the worst hell he would ever face almost behind him.” Pausing, he tightened his grip on her, as if looking for comfort. “Ellie . . . you have to understand how things were there. You learn to harden yourself to the stuff you see. Sometimes you lose the part that makes you human. On the worst days, we saw men and women just blow themselves to pieces for a chance to inflict some damage on us. Worse yet were the faces of all of the kids. Some visibly hurt and wandering around without parents. Some starving, but still so damn happy they would smile at you. Every time I thought I couldn’t be shocked anymore, something would happen to just fucking slay me. You learn though to push it away. You focus on the job because that’s all that keeps you sane. Sometimes I’d work for days at a time just to keep from sleeping because the dead always found me then. You can run like hell, but you can’t escape your dreams.”
Ella pushed her fist against her mouth, trying to hold back her sobs at the despair she heard in his voice. She wanted to take him in her arms and hold him until the horrors that still haunted him were pushed away. Instead, she listened quietly as he continued to talk, almost like he had forgotten she was there. Once the words started, he couldn’t seem to stop the flow. Had he ever talked to anyone about all of this before?
“You start to see death as part of a daily routine. Just another nameless face. Some of the guys would even joke about it. It wasn’t that they were heartless; it was just how they coped with something that no one should ever have to see. Mainly, I suspect, they laughed to keep from breaking down and crying. There were some good days too. We were a brotherhood, and we always will be. There wasn’t a man in our group who wouldn’t take a bullet for one of his brothers, still would. Weeks of good days though could be blown all to hell by one bad day. A bad day there meant someone was dead.” As if remembering her presence, he looked down saying, “This may be more than you wanted to hear, Ellie . . . why don’t we just leave it for another time?”
Ella wasn’t about to let go now that she was finally getting some insight into his past. She ran a hand down his handsome face, feeling the stubble that was already forming there. Somehow that just made him more appealing. Her hand continued on to his biceps tracing the tattoo there. “What does Semper Fi mean?”
With a husky voice he answered, “Always faithful. Pretty damn ironic isn’t it considering I just found out I’ve got a kid from a one-night-stand.”
“I think it fits you perfectly. The women who passed through your life probably weren’t looking for a commitment any more than you were. Did you ever make any type of promises to them at all?”
Shaking his head, he said, “No, never. I was always very upfront.”
“Then stop ripping yourself to shreds over it. Because of who you are, it bothers you. You use it as a reason to question your integrity. I bet those in your brotherhood would say different. I . . . I want to hear the rest of the story if you can. I think you need to tell me about Craig because it’s tearing you apart.” When he started to shake his head, she added, “Please, for me.”
He sighed and continued. “Craig was just a kid. He decided to join the military to have his schooling paid for. He didn’t come from money and he was engaged to a girl that did. He wanted to prove himself to her and her family and he thought the military would do that. Hell, maybe he watched one too many recruiting commercials, who knows. He was just so young and idealistic. They got married right before he shipped out and he rode that high for a while. He got pretty lucky and didn’t see active duty until the last part of his term. His wife had gotten pregnant during one of his trips home and he was on top of the world. There was a light at the end of the tunnel and he thought he could handle anything thrown his way at that point. A lot of the guys were on their second tour like me and we were just used to turning away and shutting down when things got bad.”
“But not Craig,” Ella said softly.
“No, not Craig,” Declan agreed. “He wanted to save everyone. We all covered him as best we could. It was understood if Craig was with you, you looked out for him. We were all pretty battle weary, but damn we all got attached to him. No matter what everyone said to the contrary, when he started reading letters from home, we stopped to listen. Having someone so full of life was contagious. There was no jealousy that his tour was almost up. We were all excited for him. My favorite saying each day was, ‘Watch each other’s back and don’t do anything stupid.’ Craig used to tease me about how motivating my speeches were. I’d flip him off and he’d just laugh. You’d have liked him, Ellie.”
She smiled, “I know I would have.”
“One day we were patrolling the border. A task we had all done many times before. It was pretty routine. We had a local woman come through. Everything was in order so she passed on through. A few feet later, she stopped her car and got out. My gut clenched when she looked around like she was checking our positions. She fell against her car as if in pain. I knew something was wrong. After you had been there a while, you tended to develop a second sense where trouble was concerned. I started motioning everyone back, indicating possible trouble. I turned to say something to Craig who had been right beside me and he wasn’t there. We all saw him run toward the woman at the same time and it was like everyone froze for a moment in horror. I started yelling at him to stop, that it was a trap and, I swear, he turned back to me and smiled as if I was overreacting. I remember running toward him and then the world just broke apart. I was in the hospital for a few weeks with a pretty bad head injury and a few broken bones. I was lucky though, Craig went home in a casket.”
“Oh God,” Ella gasped.
In a voice thick with emotion, Declan said, “I couldn’t save him. He was on my watch and I let him down. I cost him his fucking life.”
Wrapping herself around him, she said, “No baby, you didn’t. He made that choice. I know you well enough to be sure that you had lectured him time and again about the dangers there.”
Turning haunted eyes on her he rasped, “It wasn’t enough Ellie. Now there is a wife without a husband and a child without a father. If I had only been sharper, faster, I could have saved him. I should have never let him out of my line of sight!”
“Declan, stop! You can’t shoulder the blame for what happened. Craig joined the military knowing the risks just like you did. It sounds like he had a huge heart and wanted to save everyone regardless of the risk to himself. Don’t take that away from him. He probably saw things daily that shook his faith in the world, but he still hung on to his humanity, his basic need to believe that people are good and worth saving. Even though it was a trap, let his last act of selflessness and bravery stand in honor of him. There had to have been a split second when he questioned his actions, but his need to be who he was eclipsed all rational thought.” Running her hand through his hair and caressing his scalp, she asked, “What happened after that?”
On a laugh that held very little humor he said, “I took his place as the loose cannon. I lost my fucking mind for a while. I took stupid risks and put myself on the front line at every opportunity. If it hadn’t been for Mac saving my ass a few times, I probably wouldn’t have made it home. I had planned to be career military, but as the time drew near to re-up, Mac sat me down and told me that not only had I become a liability to myself, I was to the rest of the group as well. Suddenly, I knew how Craig must have felt having all of us watching him like a hawk. Even though I said some pretty nasty things to Mac, it forced me to take a long, hard look at where I was and where I was headed and for the first time since I had enlisted, I was scared. Not of the enemy though, but of myself. Mac was right, it was time to go. I couldn’t live through another person dying on my watch or worse yet, being the cause of it.”
Curious, she asked, “Who’s Mac? Is he still in the military?”
With his first genuine smile since they had started talking, he said, “His name is actually McKinley Powers. Sounds like a real prick, right?”
Smiling at the obvious affection in his voice, she said, “I think it’s a great name.”
“Mac left when I did. We enlisted together. Just a couple of hotheaded, hell-raisers looking for a purpose. Lucky or unlucky enough, depending on how you look at it, to get shipped off together. I think he only re-upped for his second tour because he hated to leave me behind. I think he would have left at the end of the second one though even if he had to bodily force me out along with him. He does private security in this area now. Danvers is one of his clients.”
“Hmmm, have I met him?”
“I doubt it, Ellie, unless you’ve done something to get you arrested and escorted from the building. Mac isn’t there much unless there is a problem. His company has grown and he stays pretty busy. We manage to catch a beer sometimes though, plus he drops in to check on Ava from time to time.”
“Your sister?”
“Yep, that would be her.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you two don’t look anything alike. She’s so pretty, but quiet. Oh, shit! I mean shoot. I didn’t mean that you’re not pretty. I mean not pretty, handsome. You are handsome and sexy . . . I just meant, you look different. I—”
Declan clamped his hand over her mouth as she continued to rattle on. “Ellie, babe, I know what you’re trying to say so relax. I’m nothing like either one of my siblings and I readily accept that. Every family needs a black sheep and I’m it for the Stone family. Ava is quiet. She wasn’t always, but shit happened. Mac was there for her and he still is.”
“What—” Suddenly the air left her lungs in a whoosh as Declan flipped her backwards and eyed her naked body. She had completely forgotten about clothes when she was roused from sleep. She knew she should be embarrassed, but the look in his eyes made her feel bold and sexy. When he continued to inspect her body without touching her, she took his hand and placed it on one aching nipple. His eyes widened and grew heavy.
“I like where your head’s at, Ellie, but before I touch you any further, show me what you like.” He removed his hand and left hers cupping her breast. Part of her wanted to remove her hand and run, but the other part was spellbound by the arousal that he couldn’t hide. His cock stood at attention as he sat riveted by the sight of her shy hand moving slowly back up to rub her nipple back and forth between her fingers. Heat shot through her body. She knew this had started with him trying to distract her from asking any more questions, and it had worked well. She now had no rational thought left. Like most single women, she had long ago learned how to take care of her own needs. But, she had never dreamed she would be touching herself while someone was watching. Boy, it felt so good to be a bit of a bad girl.
She continued to pull on her nipple as she shyly asked him, “What next?”
Declan sat back on his heels saying, “You tell me, baby. Better yet show me how you make yourself come.”
Feeling her face flush a bright red, she stuttered, “I . . . um—”
“Close your eyes and pretend I’m not here. Touch that beautiful body and let me see you fall apart.”
Was he having chest pains? Possibly a stroke? The veins in his neck bulged along with another part of his body as he watched Ella tentatively begin to stroke herself. He was surprised that she had agreed. He had fully expected to spend some time convincing her. Now as her breathing and her hands picked up the pace, it was obvious that she knew her needs well. Her hands didn’t falter after the initial hesitation. She had pleasured herself before. His cock jumped as he imagined her doing it while thinking of him. God knows he had jacked off enough while thinking of her.