I choose to text and think up a really nice way to apologize when I see him.
I’m home. Baby and mom are healthy.
I lay back and start to drift when my phone pings.
Ok
Ok? That’s it? I frown. This is not the Nate I know and have grown to love. He’s pissed off at me, and when I think back to the way I spoke to him, I don’t blame him. He was just worried about me, after all.
I decide to call him and apologize. He answers on the second ring.
“Hello, Julianne.” I don’t like the cold tone of his voice.
“Hi,” I murmur.
“Hi.”
“Nate, I’m sorry about earlier. I really am.”
I hear him sigh, and I feel even more guilty, knowing how much stress he has on him over work, and I know I made him even more worried today, and hurt his feelings. And I love him, I don’t want to hurt him.
“I think we need to discuss a few things tomorrow night.” Oh, so apology not accepted.
“Okay,” I whisper and hear him sigh again. “I miss you.”
“Do you.”
God, I really screwed up.
“Yes.”
Silence.
“Please say something.”
“What do you want me to say?” he asks.
“I don’t know.” I feel tears threatening again, and I try to keep them out of my voice. “I just don’t want you to be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad. I’m disappointed and hurt, Julianne. That’s twice that you’ve managed to hurt my feelings.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you, Nate. Today was hard, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”
“Like I said, we have some things to talk about tomorrow. I’d rather we didn’t do it over the phone. I need to see your face.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re too good at trying to hide what you’re feeling behind that badass persona of yours, but your eyes don’t lie.”
Holy shit.
“I am not lying to you, Nate. I miss you and I’m sorry that I was a bitch today.”
“Don’t ever call yourself a bitch again.” Jesus! I can’t say anything right!
“I’m going to let you go, this isn’t getting us anywhere. Do you need a ride from the airport tomorrow night?”
“No.”
“Are you going to come to my place?”
“No, come to my place after work.”
“I don’t have a key.”
“Yes you do.”
Huh?
“I do?”
“Yes, check your key ring. I put it on there last weekend.” His voice is softer now and I’m shocked.
“Oh.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Julianne.”
Chapter Seventeen
This has been the day from hell. I was late to work this morning, after sleeping like the dead last night and through my alarm. Mrs. Glover was not pleased to see me this morning, but when I explained what happened, and showed her the photos of baby Olivia on my phone, she softened up a bit and said she understood.
Thank goodness.
Not that she’s my boss, but I do not want to make an enemy of her.
Nate has been in constant communication with me all day, sending emails requesting documents or research to be done, but nothing at all personal. As soon as I got to my office this morning, I opened the document I had Jenny email to Nate yesterday, and was stunned to see that Nate was right. It was half-done, and riddled with mistakes. It was not the final draft I’d finished, saved and attached to the email to go out to him. I don’t know what the fuck happened, but I hope that the extra work I’ve put in this morning has helped straighten the mess out.
I feel shitty for making Nate think that our relationship isn’t important to me. Of course it is. But there are times that he’s just so… bossy. I know he’s a strong, intelligent man, and that he wants to protect me and care for me, but I’ve always been so fiercely independent, I forget that I’m no longer a “me” and part of a “we”.
I need to make it up to him. But how?
I’m pondering this when another email comes through from Nate.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013 14:28
From: Nathan McKenna
To: Julianne Montgomery
Subject: Departing
Julianne,
I am about to board the plane back to Seattle. Once you’ve finished with the reports I emailed to you earlier, you are free to leave for the day.
Nate
He’s still so cold, although I know that in work email he doesn’t really have a choice. He could have texted me with something more personal, and the fact that he didn’t makes me really nervous.
Did I fuck up so badly yesterday that he’s going to break it off?
Wednesday, May, 15, 2013 14:35
From: Julianne Montgomery
To: Nathan McKenna
Subject: Re: Departing
Nate,
Safe travels. See you in the office tomorrow.
Julianne
But he’s not getting off that easy. I pull out my phone and send him a text.
Please travel safely. I’m excited to see you tonight.
There is no response.
Shit.
***
I’m later getting to Nate’s than I really intended to be. I had to stop by the hospital to see Natalie, Luke and Olivia, and I couldn’t go empty-handed, so I stopped to shop a little on the way. I ended up with a huge, super-soft giraffe and a tiny pink onesie that says, “Birth: Nailed It.”