Shivers went down my spine. Chaos erupted all around me. A flurry of bodies—including several fans who had been in the front row—were suddenly on stage and I lost sight of Jax. My heart crumpled up in my chest as I got up and tried desperately to elbow my way to him.
Was he okay? Would I ever get to talk to him again?
Nobody was moving and time slowed to a crawl and the night felt like it stretched into forever. Before I could reach him the medics had him on a stretcher and took him away in a haze.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and began following them. My fingers felt like ice.
Chapter Five
WAIT
I found the band backstage and we all hurried to get a cab, barely speaking to each other. Everyone was in shock, and we rode to the hospital in a grim silence. Once we got there, all we could do was wait.
Two hours later we were still waiting without any word from the doctors, and my nerves were ragged with tension. I paced up and down the ER waiting room, my hands clenched together behind my back. My mind had been taken hostage with worry, and I couldn't stop the image of his collapse from playing over and over again, torturing me.
With a sigh I threw myself down in the closest chair. Kev and Chewie were sitting across the room, talking quietly to each other. Sky sat next to her brother, flipping through a magazine, but she was going too fast to really be reading it.
A doctor came into the room, searching the faces of the tired people before looking down at the clipboard he was carrying. I started up in my chair, but slumped back down when he began talking to a middle aged woman sitting near the front desk.
Restless energy filled my body, and I tapped my feet nervously on the cheerless gray carpeted floor. An oppressive weight stuck hard in my chest. I'd handled this situation all wrong. I should've taken him to the hospital last night despite his resistance. The signs had all been there: the bruising, the paleness. Why hadn't I put two and two together?
I'll never be able to forgive myself if something happens to him.
I leapt to my feet, unable to bear sitting any longer, and began pacing again. My eyes lost focus as I stared down at the waiting room's ash gray carpet.
If I hadn't pushed him to open up to me, we never would have gone to his old house, never had that horrible ordeal with Darrel, and Jax would be healthy and whole right now.
I had been way too vulnerable after the shock of seeing Connor again, and in my desperation to stifle old, unwanted feelings, I'd tried reaching out to Jax. And stubbornly refused to back down when he told me he didn't want my help. In my misguided attempt to be supportive, I'd only proved how bad I was for him.
I bit my lip as choking sadness welled up inside me. My eyes began to sting with the threat of tears. I blinked rapidly, not willing to let them fall.
"Riley," a soft voice said.
I stopped pacing and turned around. Sky stood there, her arms crossed against her chest. Her eyes were anxious.
"Want to take a walk with me and go find some coffee?" she asked. "I can't stand this waiting around."
I gulped, trying to loosen the knot in my throat. "Yeah, I could use some too."
We made for the exit that led to the hallway. A sign painted on the wall pointed the way to a cafe, and we headed down that corridor.
"I can't believe this is happening," Sky said, her voice tinged with apprehension. "Jax has gotten into so many scrapes before and he's always been fine. What happened last night, Riley?"
Violent images of the previous night flashed before my eyes, and my stomach twisted. I was the only one who knew the truth. I wanted to tell Sky, but a part of me knew that Jax had kept it a secret for a reason. He would want me to stick to his cover story.
I took a shallow, shuddery breath. "The fight in the pool hall was worse than Jax made it seem. Those guys were really big and nasty, and he got pretty beat up. I wanted to take him to get checked out at the hospital but he refused to go. He said he was fine, and I believed him."
I closed my eyes briefly at the painful memory. "He looked alright. In the end I didn't think it was that bad. I don't know how I could've been so stupid."
I paused as we walked into the coffee shop. Coming after the hushed silence of the waiting room, the cafe was a jarring cacophony of human and machine made noises. The clamor seemed to echo the muddled state of my mind.
We ordered our coffee, and I fumbled in my purse to get the money to pay for both.
"Thanks." Sky held the cup up to her lips, but didn't take a sip. She looked at me with concern filling her large brown eyes.
When she spoke again her voice was quiet. "I think anyone would have made that mistake. Jax looked okay to me this morning, except for the bruises, and I've seen him with plenty of those over the years."
My fingers reflexively clenched on the warm coffee cup. I shook my head. "I should have been watching him closer."
Sky tugged at my sleeve and walked over to sit at one of the tables in the middle of the room. I followed and dropped into a chair facing her.
She took off the lid of her cup and blew on the hot liquid inside. "You're not a doctor, Riley," she said while looking at me from over the rim of the cup. "And it's pretty hard getting Jax to do anything he doesn't want to."
"Yeah, but still, I should have taken better care of him. I let him down."
Sudden tears made my vision blurry. My heart felt like it was getting squeezed in a vise. I only wanted to help Jax, but instead I'd hurt him. It was like living out my worst nightmare.
Her lips tightened in sympathy. She gave me a compassionate look, then reached out and patted my hand. "You know I've known him since we were like fifteen?"
I nodded, my fingers picking at the plastic lid of my coffee cup.
"You know what Jax was like back then? Stubborn. Pigheaded. Completely out of control." A warm smile tugged at her lips. "And totally awesome, of course."
I managed a small smile despite my nerves. Jax at fifteen must have been a trip.
"Well, he was really wild." She shook her head ruefully at the memory. "And I mean out of his mind reckless. He was always doing crazy, daredevil stuff. Sometimes it was fun, but sometimes it was real scary hanging out with him. Like one time when Jax decided that he wanted to subway surf."
My eyes widened. I remembered reading about that in the Village Voice. Thrillseekers climbing on top of subway trains as they hurtled through the tunnels, looking for the ultimate joyride. It was so crazy it seemed like an urban legend.
Sky took a sip of coffee before continuing. "There we were, waiting for the R train in Brooklyn real late at night, and I was so terrified I was shaking. He could have gotten seriously hurt, or worse, you know? But nothing I could say would talk him out of it."