Then out came her trouble before she was aware; and she told him how she had again got into the toils; what Boldwood had asked her, and how he was expecting her assent. "The most mournful reason of all for my agreeing to it." she said sadly, "and the true reason why I think to do so for good or for evil, is this -- it is a thing I have not breathed to a living soul as yet-i believe that if I don't give my word, he'll go out of his mind."
"Really, do ye?" said Gabriel, gravely.
"I believe this." she continued, with reckless frankness; "and Heaven knows I say it in a spirit the very reverse of vain, for I am grieved and troubled to my soul about it-i believe I hold that man's future in my hand. His career depends entirely upon my treatment of him. O Gabriel, I tremble at my responsibility, for it is terrible!"
"Well, I think this much, ma'am, as I told you years ago." said Oak, "that his life is a total blank whenever he isn't hoping for 'ee; but I can't suppose-i hope that nothing so dreadful hangs on to it as you fancy.
His natural manner has always been dark and strange, you know. But since the case is so sad and oddlike, why don't ye give the conditional promise? I think I would."
"But is it right? Some rash acts of my past life have taught me that a watched woman must have very much circumspection to retain only a very little credit, and I do want and long to be discreet in this! And six years -- why we may all be in our graves by that BATHSHEBA TALKS WITH OAK time, even if Mr. Troy does not come back again, which he may not impossibly do! Such thoughts give a sort of absurdity to the scheme. Now, isn't it preposterous, Gabriel? However he came to dream of it, I cannot think.
But is it wrong? You know -- you are older than I."
"Eight years older, ma'am."
"Yes, eight years -- and is it wrong?"
"Perhaps it would be an uncommon agreement for a man and woman to make: I don't see anything really wrong about it." said Oak, slowly. "In fact the very thing that makes it doubtful if you ought to marry en under any condition, that is, your not caring about him -- for I may suppose -- -- "
"Yes, you may suppose that love is wanting." she said shortly. "Love is an utterly bygone, sorry, wornout, miserable thing with me -- for him or any one else."