“I might as well start at the beginning, so get comfy.” I take a deep breath and start my story. “I have a diagnosis of unexplained infertility. My ex-husband and I tried for many years to get pregnant. We went through everything from artificial insemination to in vitro, and nothing worked.”
“I did have a chance to read through your records from the other office,” Hannah says and nods. “Sounds like it must have been a very frustrating time for you.”
“That’s an understatement,” I reply softly. “Since the last treatments over a year ago, my cycles have been all screwy. I sometimes go several months between periods, and when that happens, I’d just get a medication to sort of jump-start my system again, then I’d be regular for a few more months.”
“So, I take it you’ve been irregular again?” she asks while jotting down notes.
“Yeah. It just occurred to me the other day that I haven’t had a period since about October.”
“Are you having any sort of symptoms now?”
“Sore breasts, sleepy during the day, typical PMS for me, although my breasts are more tender than usual.”
“Hmm, interesting. I see that you stopped by for a blood and urine sample yesterday and”—she taps some keys on her iPad—“it doesn’t look like those results are in quite yet, so I’m going to leave you here for a moment and call the lab to see if they’re ready.”
“Thanks, Hannah. I appreciate it.”
“No problem. Be back shortly.”
When Hannah leaves the room, I grab my phone and see that I’ve missed a text from Zack.
Zack: How was the dr?
Me: Still here. Waiting for blood results. What do u want for dinner?
Zack: Mexican?
Me: Yum. ;)
The door opens and Hannah breezes back into the room, closes it behind her, and is examining her iPad closely.
“That was faster than I expected,” I say jokingly. Hannah grins and finishes reading the report.
“The report just came through,” she murmurs then looks up at me with bright eyes.
“So, do you need the name of my pharmacy?”
“Yes, but not for progesterone.” Hannah sets her iPad down and faces me squarely. “Jill, I have a feeling this is going to shock the hell out of you, but you’re pregnant.”
I blink at her for several seconds and suddenly my stomach drops to my knees and a cold sweat breaks out all over my body.
“Excuse me?”
“You’re pregnant, Jill.”
I shake my head and fight to wrap my head around the words coming out of her mouth. “That’s impossible.”
“No, apparently it’s not.”
“I’m infertile.”
“You have unexplained infertility. Many things can factor into that. It doesn’t mean that you can never get pregnant, it means that your doctors could never understand why you weren’t getting pregnant.”
I bite my lip and keep my eyes trained on Hannah’s face.
“I’m sorry. Did you just say that I’m fucking pregnant?”
“Yes.” She smiles softly and waits for my mind to catch up. “I take it this isn’t a good thing?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I mean, of course it’s good. It’s a baby. Do you know how long and how hard I tried for this? What I put my body through for years?”
“Yes, Jill, I do. So, now we need to figure out how far along you are.”
My heart stills and I feel my eyes go wide. “I haven’t had a period in a while, but Zack and I first started sleeping together at the beginning of December. If I’m having symptoms already, that must be when I ovulated.”
Hannah is nodding in agreement. “I agree. The symptoms you’re having are typical for a pregnancy this early. No morning sickness yet?”
“No, just hungry. And really thirsty.”
“That’s normal too.”
“Well, shit, those are also PMS symptoms.”
“I know—why do you think women who are trying to get pregnant make themselves crazy, misreading symptoms?”
“This wasn’t even in the realm of possibility for me,” I whisper. “I think I’m in shock.”
“That’s perfectly normal too. I’m going to prescribe some prenatal vitamins for you. Get plenty of sleep, watch what you eat, and take care of yourself.”
“No ultrasound?”
“It’s way too early for that yet.” Hannah smiles gently and squeezes my shoulder. “Congratulations. I’ll want to see you again in four weeks.”
“Thank you.” I smile back at her and watch as she leaves the room. I move in what feels like slow motion, pulling my clothes on with shaking hands. I can’t make the shaking stop.
Holy shit, I’m going to have a baby! Zack and I are going to have a baby. I smile widely and briefly wonder what Seth will think. Oh, I hope he’s happy.
Shit, what if Zack isn’t happy?
The thought stops me in my tracks, but then I shake it off. He just told me he loves me. We’re in a monogamous, committed relationship, for crying out loud. Life happens and sometimes it throws you a curveball.
This curveball just happens to be in the form of a baby.
A baby.
I make my appointment for a month out, pick up my prescription, and walk on numb feet out to my car, where I sit in the driver’s seat and stare at the building before me for long minutes. All that work. The long months—years—of medication and giving myself shots in the ass and hot flashes. The hundreds of ultrasounds and needle sticks and being told over and over again, No. No, it didn’t work. No, you’re not pregnant.