I glanced over at my mother as she winked at Heather.
“What brings you by?” I asked.
I could feel Heather trying to pull her hand out of mine. No way, girl. This is the most contact I’ve had with you since I woke up in this nightmare. I glanced at her as I brought her hand up to mouth. When I kissed it, a flush spread across her cheeks, and it nearly sent me down to my knees. Knowing that I could make her feel this way did crazy things to me.
I let my eyes travel down her body. Fuck, she has a nice body. I need to make her mine again. When my gaze moved back up, I stopped to stare at her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes just made me want to get lost in them for hours.
“Josh? Josh! Hello? Earth to Josh!” Victoria said as she snapped her fingers in my face.
Slowly, I pulled my eyes away from Heather to look at Tori. “What did you say?”
Victoria glared at Heather like she wanted to stomp on her. “I thought we could maybe go out to dinner, but I see you have a friend over.”
Now, it was Heather’s turn to squeeze the shit out of my hand.
“Yeah, I don’t think so, not tonight. Heather and I have plans with my parents for dinner. Next time, it might be a better idea if you called ahead before you drove all the way over here.”
As Victoria looked my body up and down, I remembered the kiss. When I’d kissed her in the elevator in the hospital, she’d felt me up with her hand. I instantly dropped Heather’s hand before I started to walk into the house.
Oh my god. I cheated on Heather. I felt sick. I needed to get away from both of them. I knew it. I knew I would fuck this up.
“Josh?” Heather called out to me.
Then, I felt someone grab my arm, and I turned to see Victoria. “What?” I snapped at her.
She took a step back. “Your face went white as a ghost. Are you feeling okay, Josh?” she asked, looking concerned.
I ran my hand through my hair and then down my face. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just want to fucking remember my life. Hey, are you still coming to see the Matt Kimbrow Band at the Luckenbach dance hall on Saturday night?”
Tori smiled and put her hands on her hips. “Oh, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. What time should I meet you there?”
I glanced at Heather, and she looked hurt as hell. She was holding her stomach, like she was going to be sick again.
“Heather, what time will we be meeting everyone there?” I was hoping to show Victoria that I would be going with Heather while I was wishing to God that Heather knew I wanted to go with her and not Tori.
“Um…they go on at nine, but I think everyone is planning to get there around seven or seven thirty.”
Victoria turned around and then looked between Heather and me. “Should we drive together or—”
“No. You should probably just meet us there,” I said, looking back at Heather.
As Heather started to walk past us, heading back into the house, I reached out and grabbed her hand. She came to a stop right away, but she never once looked at Victoria or me.
“So, um…listen, I hate to send ya off when you just got here, but we’re fixin’ to leave. Right, Mom?” I glanced over to my mother.
“Yep, we are. Let me show you out, Victoria,” Mom said.
“Okay…well, I guess I’ll see you at your party tomorrow.” Victoria went to kiss me good-bye.
As I took a step back and away from her, I noticed that Heather was watching my every move.
“Right. Well, see y’all tomorrow. Have a good evening. It was nice seeing you again, Smeather Heather!”
Heather rolled her eyes and jerked her arm away from me. “Yep. You, too,” she said as she started to go into the house.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why the fuck did I remind Victoria about Saturday night?
I thought back to my conversation with Gunner about Lynda. I started pacing back and forth. I was so ready to sleep with Heather, and I’d forgotten all about what happened between Victoria and me.
Just then, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned around to see my father. I wasn’t sure what made me do it, but I walked up and crashed myself into him. When he put his arms around me, I lost it.
“Jesus, Josh. What’s wrong, son?”
“Oh god, Dad. Oh god. I fucked it up with Heather.” I felt tears running down my face.
My dad pushed me away from him and stared at me. “Josh, I’ve never in my life seen you cry, not even when you broke your leg or arm when you were a kid. What the hell happened?”
I sat down on one of the chairs, and put my head in my hands. “I cheated, Dad. I cheated on the only girl I’ve ever loved in my life.” I looked up at him.
“Wait a minute, Josh. Slow the hell down. When? Before the accident? Did you remember something?”
I shook my head. “No…no, Dad. It was the first day I woke up in the hospital. It was after you and Mom told me about Heather. Victoria came to take me for a brain scan, and she kissed me in the elevator, but I told her to stop.”
My dad laughed. “Son, that’s not cheating.”
“I also let her feel me up for a minute before I pushed her hand away,” I said as I looked away.
“Oh…well…listen to me, Josh. In your mind, you weren’t with Heather.”
“But from the moment I saw her, I felt something for Heather, Dad. The whole time Victoria was doing it, I was picturing Heather lying on a blanket next to a river. I was thinking about her, Dad. What kind of fucked-up person does that?”
“Josh, stop being so hard on yourself. You were just in a major car accident, and you have memory loss.”
“That’s no excuse. I have to tell her, Dad,” I said, standing up.
“What?” my dad grabbed my arm. “Josh, why would you hurt her like that?”
When I glanced up, I saw Heather watching us from one of the kitchen windows.
I looked back to my dad and smiled. “Because I love her, Dad, and I owe it to her to be one hundred percent honest with her.”
My dad shook his head. “I get that, Josh. I do. Believe me, I would never, ever under normal circumstances tell you to hide something like this from her…but, son, this girl has been through so much pain and hurt in her life. Why would you even want to plant that seed of doubt in her mind when nothing really happened?”
My dad started to pace and then stopped. “Did you just say you love her?”
“Yeah, I did,” I said with a smile.
“You just came up with this feeling all on your own? Your mother hasn’t been pushing you, has she?”
I laughed. He knew better than to ever think that Heather could have pushed me, but he didn’t hesitate to put it past my mom.
“No, Dad, she hasn’t pushed me. It hit me like a ton of bricks today. I’ve been trying like hell to tell her, but something keeps happening, and I haven’t had the chance.” My smile faded.
“Okay, listen to me. You do what’s in your heart, Josh. What’s your heart telling you to do?”
I looked back up at the window. She was gone, and my heart dropped to my stomach.
I turned to my dad. “It’s telling me I need to always be one hundred percent honest with her.”
“Then, you know what you have to do, son.” Dad brought me in for a hug. “I love that girl like she’s my own daughter, Josh. Your mother feels the same way. The moment she walked into this house, she captured all of our hearts. You fuck this up, and I’ll kick your ass!” My dad pulled away from me and winked.
“Jesus H. Christ, Dad.” I shook my head and made my way into the house.
I walked into the kitchen, and my mother was on the phone.
“She said she would be upstairs, waiting for you in your room,” Mom said with a sad look on her face.
I quickly left the kitchen and went up the stairs two at a time. When I opened the door to my room, I found her standing at the window, looking out at the pasture. The horses were all out, and from the few days she’d stayed with us, I already knew how much the horses could calm her down.
She knows.
“Heather—”
“What happened between you two? And when did it happen?”
Her voice was so cold and distant that it gave me chills.
How the fuck does she know? “Um…it was the first day I woke up.”
Heather spun around and looked at me.
I waited for her to say something or ask me something. When she didn’t, I just went on with my confession. “She was taking me down for the brain scan, and when we got into the elevator, she started to kiss me and touch me with her hand. I asked her to stop kissing me, but I didn’t…I didn’t stop her right away from…” I couldn’t even finish. I wanted to throw up.
I watched as Heather closed her eyes. When she slowly started to sink to the floor, I ran over to her and grabbed her. I sat down on the floor and pulled her onto my lap. I held her as she began crying. Ah hell. I should have listened to my dad. All I ever do is hurt her.
I could tell she was having a hard time breathing, so I stroked her hair. “I pushed her hand away. I didn’t come. I swear to you.” I was trying to reassure her, to let her know that I didn’t want Victoria.
“Breathe, baby, just breathe,” I whispered in her ear.
She grabbed on to my neck with both arms and clutched on to me tightly.
“Is that all that’s happened between you two?”
“Yes! The whole time, all I could do was picture you, and I was so fucking confused.” I held her as close to me as I could.
“She didn’t…she didn’t use her mouth, did she?”
Oh Christ. Why the hell is she asking me that? “God no, Heather. Why the hell would you even ask that?”
She pulled away, and her eyes met mine. The tears on her face made me want to punch myself in the stomach. I never want to be the reason she cries…ever again.
“That day at the hospital, she told me in the restroom how much you loved blow jobs and how good she was, and I’ve never done that with you, and—”
“Stop. Please don’t say anything else. Heather, I never want to hurt you or be unfaithful to you. No matter what happened in my past, it doesn’t matter anymore because I only love you. You’re the only one I want to hold in my arms. You’re the only one I want to wake up to every morning and kiss like it’s my first kiss all over again. You’re the only one I want to be with.”
She stared at me, stunned. “What did you just say?”
“Uh…do you want me to repeat all of that? I thought it sounded pretty damn good the first time. I’m not like Gunner. I don’t think I could repeat it exactly even if I tried.”
She shook her head and laughed. “No, did you say you love me?”
I smiled as I placed both my hands on her face. “Yes, I love only you. I think I knew it the moment you looked at me with those breathtakingly beautiful blue eyes of yours.”
I lowered my lips to hers. I slowly started to get up, and her body moved right along with me. When I backed her up to my bed, she started to lie back. Never once did we break our kiss.