“What?” I asked, confused.
“You said you wished you could take the pain away, but I wouldn’t want to ever see you in this kind of pain.”
“Wait, I said that out loud?” I asked, confused as hell.
Josh let out a laugh and then quickly stopped and swore.
“Can I ask you something, Josh?” I said as I sat back down in the chair.
“Of course. Ask away. Not going to promise I’ll remember if you ask me anything about us, but I can try!”
I let out a giggle, shaking my head. “No, it’s just…why did you just tell me not to touch you?”
His smile faded. “Heather, I have to be honest with you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all night and all morning. I kept wondering when you’d come back. Actually, I was hoping to God that you’d come back early this morning,” he said, his smile reappearing. “I’ve never felt like this before. Well, shit, I guess I have, but I don’t remember a damn thing. I’m guessing I felt this way the first time we met. It scares the shit out of me. In my mind, I’m still in college, still fucking around with other…” He stopped talking as he looked away.
I closed my eyes, trying so hard to not start crying. I wanted so badly to tell him that he was my everything, to tell him how much we loved each other.
When Josh turned back to look at me, his eyes were filled with so much confusion. I instantly felt guilty for feeling the way I did.
“I want so badly to…”
Please don’t stop talking.
“You want so badly to what?” I asked as I took his hand in mine. I had to touch him in some way, or I was going to lose it.
When he looked down at my mouth, I realized I was biting my lower lip. I instantly stopped and snapped my eyes to his lips. His lower lip was swollen just a bit, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss it.
Josh started to talk, but his voice cracked. “I just want to kiss you so fucking bad.” He cleared his throat and gave me that damn crooked smile of his. “I want to know if you make noises when you kiss. I want to feel your body against mine. I want to know what you smell like. Is your skin as soft as it looks? I want to know everything about you.”
I felt a tear rolling down my face. Butterflies were taking off in my stomach like I’d never experienced before, not even when we’d first made love. “Josh—”
He shook his head as if he didn’t want me to talk. “Please don’t say anything for a minute…please.”
I sat there in complete silence while his eyes held mine captive.
When he smiled at me, I swore my stomach just about dropped to the ground. Is it possible to fall in love with someone I was already in love with?
“I want to get to know you again. Will you let me, Heather?” he asked, squeezing my hand with his.
I pulled his hand up to my mouth and kissed it. As he closed his eyes, my heart started pounding.
“Of course, Josh. I lov—” Shit! I almost told him that I love him.
“I want to hear you say it. Please tell me how you feel about me.” Josh tried to adjust himself to a more comfortable position.
I closed my eyes as I felt tears coming. This time, I didn’t care, and I just let them fall as I opened my eyes. “I love you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you, since the first time you asked me if you could help me out of my clothes, and since you told me your tongue wanted to show my tongue how to dance,” I said with a giggle.
I watched as a smile spread across his face.
He chuckled. “Sounds like something I would say.”
“You’re the only one I’ve ever loved. You’re the only one I will ever love. You’re my every breath, Josh,” I said as I looked away from him. I’m telling him too much.
“You asked me why I didn’t want you to touch me,” Josh said.
I slowly glanced back toward him.
“It’s because I feel something. I feel something so incredibly strong toward you, and the moment you touch me, I feel like I’m gonna want more, much more. I have this need to just be with you, and it blows my mind because I don’t ever remember feeling like this toward anyone. I don’t want to blow this, and I usually fuck things up by moving too fast.” He gave me a small smile.
I didn’t know what to say. Does he really have these feelings? Or did I just tell him too much? Maybe he thinks he should be feeling like this. Oh fuck.
“I, um…I’m not sure if I should have told you all that. Maybe I just confused you. I don’t know. I’m so sorry, Josh. The last thing I want to do is confuse you.” I wiped the tears away from my face.
He shook his head and held on to my hand tightly. “No, I’m glad you told me. I just…I just want to take things slow. I want to get to know you, and when I said that I wanted to start off as friends, I just meant…fuck, Heather. If it weren’t for a few broken ribs or me lying in this hospital bed, I would want to make love to you. But I don’t want it to be like all the other girls. I want to get to know you again. I want to know everything about you.”
What? Oh. My. God. Breathe. Breathe, Heather. Daddy, help me to breathe.
“Heather, breathe, honey. You’re holding your breath,” Josh said.
I snapped my head up. “What did you just say?”
“Um, I told you to breathe. You looked like you were holding your breath.”
When Josh glanced down at my lips, I looked to his, and without thinking, I got up, leaned down, and kissed him. I needed to feel some kind of contact with him.
Placing his hand on my neck, he held me closer to him and kissed me back.
I let a small moan escape my mouth. Oh god, I miss him.
We kissed until we needed to stop for air. After I slowly pulled my lips away, I rested my forehead on his.
I love him so much. I’d wait an eternity for him.
“I’m sorry, Josh. I shouldn’t have done that,” I whispered, keeping my eyes closed. I was so afraid to open them.
“Heather, please don’t ever apologize for kissing me. As a matter of fact, feel free to do it anytime you want!” Josh said.
I opened my eyes, and when I saw him smiling, my heart dropped to my stomach. It had almost felt like it was our first kiss. I let out a giggle that made him smile.
“Um…should we come back?”
I spun around to see Gunner, Jeff, and one very pissed-off Victoria standing there, staring at us. Gunner was smiling from ear to ear.
“Y’all look like you were having a…moment,” Jeff said as he walked up to the side of the bed. Leaning down, he kissed me on top of the head before he moved toward my ear. He whispered, “What the fuck? Victoria is his nurse?”
I let out a laugh. “Yep. We need to talk later.”
I stepped back, so Jeff could talk to Josh.
“Jesus H. Christ, dude. You look like shit,” Jeff said, gently shaking Josh’s hand.
“Thanks, dude. Holy shit. Do you have a wedding ring on?”
When Josh glanced over toward Gunner, Gunner held up his wedding band for Josh to see.
“Motherfucker. Both of y’all are married?”
“Yep. I just had a baby girl two nights ago…the night of your accident.” Gunner’s smile faded a bit.
“No shit. You’re a dad, Gunner? Well, goddamn!” Josh looked back at Jeff.
“I’ve got a six-month-old little boy. His name’s Luke,” Jeff said with such pride in his voice.
I was bursting with joy. I was so happy for my friends. I really need to go see Ellie and Alex.
“Excuse me, but I need to get in there and take some vitals. Josh also needs to take his pain meds,” Victoria said as she smiled at Jeff. Then, she gave me a look that should have dropped me on the spot.
“Sure, Victoria. By the way, it’s good seeing you again,” Jeff said as he gave her a wink.
“Yep, y’all, too. Been a long time. We’ll have to get together for old times’ sake,” Victoria said to Jeff before she glanced at me with an evil grin.
I smiled back at her, shaking my head.
I’m going to put this girl in her place. Time to pull out my inner bitch.
Chapter Ten
I sat there and listened to Gunner and Jeff talk about their lives. Married and with kids? Fuck me.
Then, I remembered the engagement ring. My parents had already come back from Starbucks, but they’d left with Heather for a bit to let Gunner and Jeff visit with me. Victoria had kept coming in every fifteen minutes. She was back again, and this time, she was leaning up against the bed, talking to Gunner.
“Hey, Tori, do you think I could have a few minutes alone with Jeff and Gunner? I need to talk to them about some things in private,” I said as I winked at her.
I watched as a blush slowly crept up her face. I wanted to roll my eyes at her reaction, but instead, I gave her my smile.
“Sure, babe. I’ll be back in a bit.”
Leaning down, she went to give me a kiss on the cheek. When I turned my head away, she stood back up.
“Oh shit, sorry. Old habits are hard to break,” she said as she smiled at me.
Once she shut the door, Jeff let out a laugh. “Motherfucker, some things never change!”
“Fuck, Josh, what did you ever see in that girl?” Gunner asked as he ran his hand through his hair.
I let out a laugh, but I stopped as soon as the pain in my side shot through my whole body.
“Fuck, don’t answer that. I already know what you’re gonna say…especially since your ass thinks you’re the old you!” Jeff smiled at me.
“The old me? What’s the new me like?” I asked as Jeff and Gunner looked at each other.
“Well, from what we saw when we walked in, I take it you know that you and Heather are dating?” Gunner asked with a grin.
I nodded. “There’s something about that girl. She’s exactly what I’ve been looking for. I’ve never felt like this before.”
Jeff smiled at me and shook his head. “Josh, you’re fucking madly in love with her. You were even gonna ask—”
Gunner hit Jeff in the arm.
I let out a laugh. Shit, the pain. “I already know I was going to ask her to marry me the night I had the accident. My parents told me they found the ring on me when they brought me into the hospital.”
Gunner smiled. “Yeah, dude, we went with you to pick it out. You were fucking nervous as hell, too.”
Jeff started laughing. “You were shaking from head to toe, but man…you picked out a beautiful ring.”
“Can I ask y’all something?”
“Of course, Josh. We’re like brothers. You know you can always ask us anything,” Jeff said.
“Have I been…well, you know…with Heather…have I been, um…well…”
“Jesus, spit it the hell out.” Gunner started to laugh.
“Have I been good to her? I mean…I haven’t fucked around on her, have I?”
Jeff looked at me and smiled. “Dude, the moment you realized you loved her, you went for, like, months without sex. I actually started to worry about you.” He threw his head back and laughed.