“No,” I whispered. “I wouldn’t be.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have drunk this much. You don’t... Yeah, you deserve better than this.” He stopped at the foot of the bed, staring at me as he scrubbed his fingers through his messy hair. “Are you really here? Or did I manage to become the first demon ever to have alcohol poisoning?”
Part of me wanted to burst into laughter, but there was a tight knot of sadness deep in my chest. It was formed by a bitter, rancid guilt. My actions had such a ripple effect. Of course, I hadn’t held those bottles to Roth’s mouth, but I’d never even seen him drink before.
“I’m really here,” I told him.
He looked like he was about to say something as he went to sit on the foot of the bed. I started forward, already seeing that he’d misjudged the distance, but it was too late.
Roth hit the floor in front of the bed, smack on the rear. He tossed his head back, laughing loudly as I clapped my hand over my mouth. I hadn’t been sure what I was coming back to after leaving the coffee shop. There had been this fear—albeit irrational fear—that Roth was just going to pat me on my head and send me on my way. Then there was a part of me that thought he’d sweep me into his arms, professing his undying love for me. Either way, finding him drunk hadn’t even been in the realm of possibilities.
He settled down, resting his hands on his thighs as he looked over at me. “So, you really came back?”
I nodded, then said yes for extra bang.
His gaze dropped and he sighed heavily. “I bet you’re regretting that now.”
“No,” I replied without hesitation as I walked over to where he sat. “I don’t regret it.”
He lifted a brow, but it didn’t erase the lost look he wore. “Really?”
Easing to the floor beside him, I shook my head. “You’re drunk. Big deal. I mean, you probably shouldn’t be this drunk, but you’re not even...human. And you’re like the Crown Prince of Hell. I don’t think consuming alcohol is a deal breaker where you come from.”
“Nah, I guess not.” He bent one leg at the knee as he wet his lips. “You... I don’t want you to look back and think, wow, that was a terrible decision, because he would’ve—”
“Stop,” I said. Pleaded really. “I’m not going to regret my decision even if you end up running for the hills screaming to get away from me.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” he said drily.
I scooted closer and stretched out my legs next to his. “What I’m trying to say is that I made my decision. I’m not going to regret it. No matter what happens between us.” Biting down on my lip, I watched an array of emotions creep across his striking face. “Look, I don’t think we should talk about this right now. It can wait. It needs to wait, because I... I think I really hurt Zayne tonight. No. I know I did. And you’re not in the right frame of mind.” I halted again, because wow, I sounded so mature I kind of wanted to pat myself on the back. “This can wait. We have tomorrow.”
Roth didn’t respond as he studied me, and I had no idea what he was thinking in that head of his, but then he leaned over. He put that head in my lap, like he’d done that night I’d woken up after being healed by the witches’ brew, but this time, I didn’t hesitate. My hands didn’t linger for a second. They immediately went to him, one threading through the silky, black strands and the other curving around his shoulder.
He curled onto his side and closed his eyes. Thick lashes framed his cheeks. Several moments passed in silence, but I knew he wasn’t asleep. His muscles were too tense. “I’ve... I’ve done some really crappy things, Layla.”
My chest squeezed as I stared down at him, and in that moment, I wasn’t thinking about the Lilin or my wings or even Sam or Zayne. I was 100 percent focused on Roth, and the world around us and all the problems it kept serving up faded to the wayside. “I kind of figured that you have.” And that was true. He was a full-blooded Upper Level demon—a Crown Prince at that. I’d never fooled myself into believing he was a saint masked as a sinner.
“Really shady things,” he murmured.
“Got it.” My lips twitched.
He managed to get one of his arms curled around my leg. “The...first time I was sent topside by the Boss was only a year after I was created. I was to find a Duke who was no longer heeding the Boss’s summons,” he continued as I gently worked my fingers through his hair. I didn’t dare speak, because Roth had never really talked openly about what his Boss had him doing. “The Duke had found a woman, a human. I don’t think she knew what he really was. Not that it mattered. The Boss was calling him back, but he wouldn’t leave her.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I had a feeling that this story wasn’t going to end with a happily-ever-after.
“There were others with me, who’d gotten called in.” His arm tightened around my leg. “Things got...messy.”
I closed my eyes, heart aching.
“That wasn’t the only time. There were other...situations like that. And these situations, well, they never weighed on me before. It’s not in my genetic makeup to feel guilt.” A wry grin flashed across his face and quickly disappeared. “Not until you. Now I think about these things and I wonder if there is any...goodness in me. Or what you could possibly see.”
Oh gosh, my heart was breaking all over again. I didn’t know what it was like to be Roth, to be something that was just the latest in the long line that came before him. Other Princes that the Boss had grown tired of, destroyed in one way or another, before creating this version of Astaroth. And I didn’t know everything Roth had done in his past, but in all honestly, I didn’t care. Who was I to judge? Being that I was nowhere near perfect and was also part demon, myself, I’d done things I wished I hadn’t, and I knew there would be things in the future that I’d want to take back. But Roth had spent eighteen years keeping the Boss of Hell happy. None of his darkness surprised me.
It just saddened me.
Leaning down, I kissed his cheek, and as I straightened, he turned wide amber eyes on me. “I see what you don’t.” I ran my hand up and down his arm. “You’re not selfish, even if you have moments of acting like it. We all do. You’re not evil, even if you were created by the greatest evil of them all. You’ve proven to me and yourself that you have free will, and you’ve made the right decisions time and time again.”
As I dragged my hand up his arm, he shuddered. “You’ve accepted who and what I am from the beginning. You’ve never tried to change me or...or hide me. You’ve always trusted me, even when you probably shouldn’t have.” I laughed at that, thinking of the time he’d left me alone in the Palisades club with explicit instructions not to roam off. “You’ve...you’ve celebrated what I am, and very few can claim that. Like I’ve said before, you’re more than the latest Crown Prince. You’re Roth.”
For a moment, he didn’t move or blink. Then wonderment filled his expression as he stared up at me, and finally, the tension eased out of his muscles. “And I’m yours.”