I rolled my eyes and turned back to my book. “Black.”
“Ah. Black. How daring,” he said, his voice flat. “I’m sure I can find something in my closet that will do.”
Cole only ever wore black. Despite myself, I couldn’t help smiling. I leaned back over my book until I heard the window open and then shut.
SEVENTEEN
NOW
The Christmas Dance. Two months, one week left.
At the time, I would’ve agreed to anything that would get Cole out of my room and out of my house for good. But as the days passed, I started dreading our bargain. It snowed, which made everyone at school even more excited for the dance, and I realized how hard it was going to be showing up, alone, in that big farmhouse.
When the day arrived, my hands started shaking again, but this time it was mostly from nerves. Even after I’d gotten dressed for the dance, I wandered around my house trying to find the courage to leave.
My dad caught me midpace and handed me a mug of hot cocoa. “So you’re really going to the dance?”
I nodded as I sipped from the mug.
“Alone?”
“Not technically. There should be other people there too.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Did my sullen daughter just make a joke?” I smiled as he gave a chuckle. “You always used to make jokes when you were nervous,” he said. His smile disappeared and he put a hand on my arm. “Are you nervous?”
He knew me better than I thought. “A little.”
“Then why are you going? I mean, won’t most everyone there have dates?” He cleared his throat. “Because Tommy and I have a mean game of Uno planned.”
I hugged him. “Thanks, Dad. Wish me luck.”
I grabbed my keys from their hook and took off. Even though the Meier Farmhouse was partway up the mountainside, the Rabbit had no trouble navigating the curves, because the Meier family had hired armies of workers to plow the roads and keep them clear up until the night of the dance.
I parked down the road and pulled on my boots to walk the rest of the way.
As I got closer to the farmhouse, I could hear the music drifting through the doors, floating in the air, and gradually sinking to where it disappeared in the snow. It wasn’t snowing tonight like it was last year. The slush on the ground was dirty and old. The air had a stale smell to it. We needed another storm to clear it away.
Last year, I had stood in this spot in a spaghetti-strap gown, next to Jack, thinking things couldn’t get much better. Tonight I wore a short, simple black dress. I normally didn’t like to show so much leg, but it was the only dress I could find with sleeves long enough to cover up the mark on my left arm.
I stood for a few long moments, my breath a tangible element suspended in the frigid air.
“Miss Beckett?”
I jumped and opened my eyes. Mrs. Stone stood in the doorway of the farmhouse. “Come inside. You’ll catch your death out here.” She met me halfway, then ushered me through the threshold. She didn’t seem surprised I was alone.
The Angels were playing a slow song to the packed dance floor. I scanned the sea of faces. Near the middle of the crowd, Jules and Jack held each other, swaying back and forth to the music, her head resting on his shoulder. The familiar pain of jealousy started clawing at me, a pain I hadn’t felt full strength for over a century.
Somehow it hurt more than I ever remembered.
Everyone was dancing. Everyone had someone. The only people standing along the sides were the chaperones, most of whom were focused on their smartphones.
I was so obviously alone.
A voice behind me startled me. “Hey, Nik.”
I turned around to see Cole, dressed head to toe in black. Black suit, black shirt, black tie hanging loose around his neck.
He looked me up and down. His gaze paused briefly on my legs, and his mouth opened slightly. I folded my arms.
“Um … you … look beautiful,” he said.
“You look black,” I replied.
“Thank you. That’s the look I was going for.” He held a hand out. “C’mon. Let’s dance.”
I didn’t move. “What were you going to show me?”
“Dance with me first.”
I shook my head.
“Look, Nik, I know you don’t like public scrutiny lately. If you stand off to the side, all mopey and such, without a date, you’ll stick out like a nun at a strip club.” He leaned in. “Trust me, I’ve seen one. A nun at a strip club, that is. Everyone was staring at her.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. As long as we stay toward the back.” Away from Jack and Jules.
Cole led me to the floor and took me in his arms with smooth, graceful movements. I don’t know why I was taken aback. I’d seen him dance with surprising finesse during his concerts.
I couldn’t look him in the face while we danced. It was hard enough being that close to him without remembering how we used to be. How separating from him in the Everneath felt like being torn in two.
This was a bad idea. “I shouldn’t have come,” I said.
“Of course you should’ve. Otherwise I’d be fending off advances from Mrs. Stone.” He raised his eyebrows, but I didn’t smile. “Fine. You need to be here to see the truth of the situation. You don’t belong here.”
I finally looked him in the eye. “I don’t belong here? What about you? You’re not human. You can’t even survive in my world without stolen energy, and yet you won’t go home. If one of us doesn’t belong here, it’s you.”
He blinked a few times. “Wow, Nik. Going for the jugular, aren’t you?” He used the arm around my back to pull me tight against him, his eyes fierce. “You know why I stay here. For you.”
“You say that a lot.”
“Maybe eventually you’ll believe me.”
“I don’t know what to believe.”
Frustrated, he took in a deep breath, and as he did, I stepped closer, knowing that unless he focused on not stealing my emotions, he would naturally incorporate my top layers of pain. I didn’t plan to do it, but with his face so close, I couldn’t help it. I didn’t even know I’d done it until it was too late. I was weak for anything that would alleviate the pain of the Surface. As he breathed in, Cole unexpectedly took a tiny layer of it away.
The moment he noticed, his eyes narrowed, and he froze midbreath. “That’s interesting. You say you hate me, and yet you use me to stop hurting.”
I stared down at my feet. “I didn’t think you’d care. You do it all the time. Besides, it’s just a sign of how … messed up I am.”
He put his hand beneath my chin and urged me to look at him. His face was earnest. “It’s okay, Nik. If it makes you feel better, if it means you’re close to me, I’ll do anything for you.”
“But it’s not real.”
“Of course it is. You feel it, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
Right then Cole’s name came over the speakers. The lead singer of the Angels was telling the crowd about their special guest star. It shook me out of my trance, and I broke apart from Cole and backed away from him. By the time most of the audience had spotted him, I was twenty feet away.
But he was still looking at me.
From the middle of the crowd, Jack turned and looked at Cole too. He hadn’t seen us together. I wasn’t sure he even realized I was there.
“Don’t be shy, Cole!” the singer said. He gestured to the students. “Let’s help him out, guys.”
The cheers became thunderous as Cole slowly made his way to the stage, keeping his eyes on me. Just as he took the microphone in his hand, he mouthed a word.
Watch.
He adjusted his microphone and then tilted it toward his face, and instantly his rock star persona was back. “This one’s for all you young lovers out there,” he said.
The song he started playing was a departure from the usual Dead Elvises fare. It was soft and slow. Just Cole, his guitar, and a microphone. I glanced toward Jack and Jules, their arms around each other, their feet barely moving.
Cole’s voice was smooth like velvet when he wanted it to be. He made sure I was looking and then pointed the end of his guitar toward the space above my head. I looked up. A strange purple fog had gathered there, almost like my own personal rain cloud. I glanced back toward the stage, at Cole.
He gave a tiny nod of encouragement and I frowned in confusion. I had no idea what was happening. He smiled and shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe I wasn’t getting whatever message he was trying to send. He pointed his guitar purposefully toward a dancing couple near the stage. Juniors, I think they were. As he focused in on them, a tiny pink cloud formed above their heads, which he then, using his guitar, directed through the air toward me.
He made his movements look like a simple stage act. Apparently no one else could see the colored clouds.
The pink cloud joined the larger purple one above my head. My mouth dropped open in horror. Cole was skimming the emotions from the students and putting them right in front of me. I closed my mouth and held my breath, determined not to taste any of it.
But I was a hypocrite. What was the difference between stealing from others and tricking Cole into stealing from me so I felt better? There was no higher ground here.
The purple cloud represented all the things I hated about myself now, and so I backed away slowly, holding my breath. Someone tapped my shoulder and I jumped. Will was at my side.
“Hey, Nikki,” he said with a grin. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I called your name. What are you looking at?”
I looked back at the cloud. It was gone. “Nothing. The decorations.”
Will scanned the room. “Um, yeah. Lots of … tinsel.”
I stole a glance at Cole, who had stopped singing. He glanced at Will, his face tight, and then looked down at his fingers while he riffed on his guitar.
“You wanna dance?” Will asked.
“Sure,” I said. Anything to get my mind off what had just happened. Will led me toward the dance floor. He looked lucid, compared to the last time I’d seen him.
“What are you doing here, Will?” I asked.
“I’m a chaperone, believe it or not.” We snaked our way through the couples.
“Apparently they never found out it was me who spiked the punch here three years ago,” he said with a shrug.
I noticed we were getting closer to Jack and Jules, and I tugged on Will’s hand. “Here’s good, right?”
But he didn’t slow down until we were only a couple of feet away. Jack finally noticed me. He watched as his brother put his hand on my back and grabbed my other hand. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Seeing Jack reminded me of all that was good and normal in this world, and it made the last ten minutes with Cole seem even more despicable.
Will kept a respectable space between us as we danced. I noticed his eyes. They weren’t bloodshot tonight.
“You look good, Will,” I said.
“Better than the last time you saw me, at least.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d remember.”
“Remembering is easy. It’s forgetting that’s hard.” His face had the sort of look that made me wonder what he’d been through the past year.
“I have the opposite problem,” I said, trying not to be aware of how close Jack and Jules were. “I have to work to graft certain things into my mind. Otherwise I lose them.” I thought about how much I had forgotten during the Feed, how it was a continual effort to hold on to Jack’s face.
I kept my eyes on Will, but he seemed to know where my attention was, because he glanced over at Jack and then back at me. “You know, having a good memory is sort of a family trait with the Caputo brothers.”
I felt the heat flood my cheeks.
“Jules,” Will said loudly over Cole’s song, releasing my hand and holding his out toward my friend. “May I?”
Jules looked at Jack before answering. I don’t know if she was looking for permission or a reaction, but he didn’t say or do anything.
“Sure, Will,” she said. She didn’t look at me as she took Will’s hand.
I turned to watch them as Will led her farther toward the edge of the floor. I felt several pairs of eyes on me. Cole’s gaze was almost physical. He was frowning, and when I caught his eye, he looked down at his hands forming chords and strumming.
I couldn’t move. Then Jack’s hand was on my shoulder, covering it like it used to. I turned around.
“How about it, Becks?” he said.
I nodded. He took me in his arms and we started dancing. His movements weren’t as practiced as Cole’s. But they were perfect.
“I didn’t think you’d be here,” Jack said.
“Neither did I.”
He didn’t squeeze me close like he did last year. In fact, at first he could hardly look at me. He kept his eyes focused on a bunch of streamers in a corner of the farmhouse. I peeked over his shoulder to where Jules and Will were dancing. Jules was watching us.