“I know.” I turned to face him, and he was staring at me with his concerned hazel eyes. I stared into his eyes and tried not to focus too much on how handsome his face was.
“Tell me, Riley.”
“I just feel stupid because I’ve never kissed a boy before.”
His brow furrowed. “Why does that make you feel stupid? There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I’m the only girl who hasn’t been kissed.” I blushed.
“So that just makes you even more special.”
“Whatever.” I shook my head and groaned. “I feel like a loser.”
“You’re not a loser.”
“I just don’t know what to do,” I admitted shyly. “I feel like I don’t know what to do if a boy kisses me.”
“Has a boy tried to kiss you?” He frowned.
“Not really.” I made a face, and he laughed, suddenly carefree again. “I guess guys just don’t like me.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re beautiful.”
I made another face and he pulled me closer to him.
“Don’t make a face at me.”
“I’m not.” I was mere inches away from him now, and I could feel my heart racing.
“Liar.” He grinned and leaned closer to me. “Close your eyes.”
“Why?” I stared into his eyes, feeling completely breathless.
“Because I’m going to teach you how to kiss and I want you to concentrate on the movement of my lips.”
“Oh, uh, okay.” I blinked rapidly, swallowing hard. I didn’t know what to say, and ‘thank you’ sounded too lame.
I closed my eyes and waited. I was unprepared for the warm feeling that filled me as I felt his lips pressed softly against mine. I lay there still and unmoving as he kissed me, and I heard him chuckle as he pulled away from me.
“You can kiss back, Riley,” he laughed.
“Sorry, what?” I opened my eyes slowly, feeling disoriented.
“I said, kiss back. If you just lay there like a fish, it’s not going to be fun.”
“Oh, my bad.”
“Okay, let’s try this again.” He smiled wickedly. “Keep your eyes open this time.”
“Okay,” I mumbled and took a deep breath. I waited for him to lean forward again.
“Stare into my eyes and move towards me. You’re going to instigate the kiss this time.”
“But I don’t know what to do.”
“That’s what I’m teaching you.” He grinned.
“Okay.” I took a deep breath and slowly leaned towards him.
I stopped right before my lips touched his, and I could see the humor in his eyes. I gently pressed my lips against his and waited to see what was going to happen next. Hudson just lay there for a second and I didn’t know what to do, but then he leaned towards me and grabbed my hair, pushing my face into his. I felt his lips crushing down on mine and kissed him back, trying to mimic the movement of his lips. I reached my hands up to his hair and stared into his eyes. Hudson’s lips crushed into mine, and I felt the tip of his tongue touching my lips.
I sprang back then and gasped. “What are you doing?” I questioned him with wide eyes.
“Teaching you how to kiss.”
“But you used your tongue.”
“It’s called a French kiss, Riley.”
“But we’re not in France,” I mumbled, feeling stupid. I knew my face was burning a deep shade of red, and I could see that he was laughing at me from the sparkle in his eyes.
“You can’t tell me you’ve never heard of a French kiss before.” There was shock in his eyes and he laughed slightly.
“You’re a jerk.” I pushed his shoulder hard.
“No.” He grabbed my hand. “I’m your teacher.” He leaned towards me again and brought my face towards his. “Close your eyes and do what you think is right.”
“What I think—”
Hudson’s lips interrupted my speech and I closed my eyes, trying to let my body and not my brain guide me. His lips were soft at first, and I felt myself kissing him back gently, but then his fingers ran through my hair and he pulled my face closer to him. His tongue deftly slipped into my mouth, and I slowly pushed my tongue into his mouth, enjoying the unexpected warm feelings that were coursing through me.
His tongue met mine, and I allowed my tongue to touch his. It tasted and felt funny, and I pulled away a little bit. Hudson pulled my face back towards him, and I allowed his tongue to enter my mouth again. This time, his tongue was rougher as it explored my mouth as if looking for cavities. My eyes popped open as he ran his hands down my side and rolled me into my back.
His eyes looked down at me with an unfamiliar emotion, and I felt his body crushing down onto mine. I gazed up at him and ran my hands down his back, not knowing what to do. I shifted on the bed beneath him and suddenly he froze and jumped off of the bed.
“Okay, great. I think you get the idea.” He walked back to his computer and sat down at his desk without looking at me.
“Oh, okay.” I sat up, feeling confused and stared at his back. “Is everything okay, Hudson?”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine.” His voice sounded gruff, and I swallowed hard.
What had happened? Was I such a bad kisser that he was disgusted by me?
“I’m going to leave now.”
“Fine,” he mumbled and clicked the keys on his laptop.
“Thanks,” I whispered, standing at his door.
I gently rubbed my lips, not really believing what had just happened. Had I really just kissed Hudson? My heart was singing with joy, even though my brain was upset and confused.
“No worries,” he mumbled and sighed, but then he turned around and smiled. “There’s nothing to be worried about, Riley. You’re a good kisser.” He stared at me for a few moments and then continued. “If you were older, I’d be teaching you even more.”
“Even more what?” I frowned and stared into his hazel eyes.
“You’ll figure it out one day.” He shook his head and ran his hand through his silky hair. “Now scoot. I’ve got things to do.”
I walked out of his room with a huge smile on my face, even though I’d just been dismissed. He had enjoyed kissing me, I was sure of that. Maybe one day, we’d be kissing for real.
I stopped in the hallway, rested my head against the wall, and closed my eyes. It was now hitting me. I had just kissed Hudson Blake. The boy of my dreams, even though no one else knew that.
Chapter 3
Hudson
Five Years Ago
“Hudson, let’s go to the Sigma Kappa party tonight.” Luke stood at the door to my dorm with wide, eager eyes.
“I have a test tomorrow.” I shook my head.
“Dude, there are going to be lots of hot girls. We might even get laid.” He grinned and walked into the room. “Plus, think of all the times in high school you convinced me to play video games when I had a test the next day.”
“Dude, that was on you. I didn’t make you do anything.” I grinned back at him and he shook his head.
“Come on, Hudson.” He sat on my bed and I pushed him off. “Don’t you want to get some?”
“Not really.” I shook my head and looked down. There was only one girl who set my heart on fire.
“Come on! The girls are hot. You know sorority girls. They love to give it up easy.”
“I don’t want a girl who gives it up easy.”
“Dude, just come for me then. And at least you can tell Eden and Riley that they shouldn’t join sororities when they go to college because you know firsthand how slutty the girls are.”
“I’m not going to tell my sister and her best friend that sorority girls are slutty.” I gave him a look and he laughed.
“Dude, it’s going to be epic. What are you doing? You’re ruining the college experience for us.”
“I’m not,” I lied. I knew I was.
I hadn’t really been to any parties since we’d started college. Sure, I’d been to a few and had a few hookups here and there, but nothing special. I hadn’t met any girls who’d touched me in any sort of way. But I couldn’t tell Luke why. He’d laugh if he knew I had a crush on Riley.
She was supposed to be like my little sister, but I couldn’t stop myself from feeling more for her. I think the day I taught her to kiss was the catalyst of my affections. Her response had been so sweet, yet so primal. I’d been ashamed of myself for feeling something for her. Something that was far from innocent.
“Whatever.” Luke walked to the door in a huff. “Live your life like some monk. See where that gets you.” He stopped at the door and turned towards me before he left. “I thought this was going to be the time of our lives, but frankly, you’re making it really shitty. Some best friend you are.”
There were a million responses I could have come back with. The one on the tip of my tongue was something along the lines of, “Then get some more friends and stop harassing me.” But I knew I couldn’t say that. For all his bravado, Luke was very sensitive and emotional. So I replied in the only way I knew how. “Fine, I’ll be ready at eight, but I’m not staying out late.”
“Don’t worry about it, dude.” He grinned in pure joy at me. “I’m sure I’ll be in some back bedroom by nine, so you can leave then.”
“Uh huh. Are you sure you want to sleep in someone else’s house?”
“Asshole. I won’t be sleeping. I’ll be doing that slow grind.”
I laughed as he started moving his arms and h*ps and covered my eyes. “Please, that is not an image I want to be seeing right now.”
“I’ll see you later.” He laughed as he left the room, and I jumped up and grabbed my book bag to head to the library.
I knew I still had to study for the test or I was going to fail. I grabbed my books and my laptop and quickly put them in my bag. I was about to leave the room, but instead I went back and pulled up my pillow.
There was a photo of Riley at the beach, and I stared at it for a few seconds before touching my finger to my lips and then to the photo. I put the photo down and covered it gently with my pillow before I walked out of the dorm. I sighed as I walked to the library.
I was starting to feel like a bit of a loser spending my days thinking about Riley. She wasn’t my girlfriend, and for all I knew, she had a boyfriend. There was no way I was going to make a move on her. She was still in high school and lived hours away. And she was my sister’s best friend. And her mom had asked me to look after her. There were way too many reasons for me to not follow my feelings. Because really, I didn’t even understand how I felt.
***
There were five girls running around the room doing shots and pulling off various items of clothing when Luke and I made it to the party at nine. We both grabbed a beer as soon as we walked into the house.
“This is why I love sorority parties. Such easy access to alcohol.”
“Sure. That’s why you love them.” I rolled my eyes, chugged my Bud Light, and looked around. I watched a hot redhead pulling off her top and grinned. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
“Hey, bad boy.” A cute girl with long blond hair walked up to me and stroked my chest. “What are you doing here?”
“Excuse me?” I frowned up at her. “What do you mean?’
“Don’t you belong at some bikers’ meeting or something with those tattoos?”
“I’m not a biker.” I frowned again and stepped back. “Sorry.”
“Oh, don’t be sorry. You’re still sexy as hell.” She stepped towards me again, but this time she stumbled and fell against me. “Oops.” She giggled.
“Lara.” Another girl ran over to us and gave me an apologetic look. “Lara, I think it’s time for us to leave.” The girl smiled at her friend and then at me. She had a sweet smile, and I stared back at her.
“I’m not going anywhere. We just got here.”
“Come on, Lara.” The girl tried again. “You’ve had too much to drink.”
“No, I haven’t.” Lara hiccupped and I laughed.
“What time did you guys start drinking?” I asked the new girl.
“Lara’s been drinking since six.” The girl rolled her pretty brown eyes. “I don’t drink.”
“Clara’s a goody two-shoes.” Lara looked at her friend in disgust.
I stared at Clara, who was now blushing, and looked her over. She was a pretty girl, with her shoulder-length curly hair, brown eyes, and caramel skin. She looked up at me then and rolled her eyes, and I gave her a sympathetic smile. It was obvious to me that she had been dragged to the party, just like I had been.
“What can I say? I don’t love parties with lots of drunk girls and guys looking to take advantage of them.” Clara smiled at me, and I nodded in agreement.
“I agree. It’s not really fun, is it?” I looked around the room and watched as Luke flirted with a girl who appeared to be drunker than Lara, who was now walking away to go hit on another guy.
“No, it’s not. I’d much rather be home reading a book.”
“Oh, you like to read?”
“Yes, I love it. You?”
“Not really.” I made a face and she laughed.
“At least you’re honest.”
“That I am.”
“So do you have a girlfriend, Mr. Honest?” She looked up at me with a curious light in her brown eyes. I stared at her pretty face and thought for a moment.