Nicholas entered his bedroom and headed straight for the bathroom, tearing off his clothes as he went. Cranking on the water in the shower, he dril ed it al the way from hot to blistering and stepped inside. He had only minutes before he was due in the tunnels, the first step of his plan ready to be executed, but right now his cock needed relief. It was stil painful y hard, the head swol en and purple, and pissed it hadn't met the sweet, tight wetness of the veana it craved.
Blame me, motherfucker. Blame the whore you're attached to.
He grabbed his prick roughly and started pumping himself. He'd been wrong. So wrong . . . He could've fucked Kate for hours, his dick hard and thick without any currency needed.
So what was the problem? Why didn't he bury himself inside her like he wanted to? Bal -deep like he wanted to. It had nothing to do with her being a virgini-he didn't care about that, only in the sense of going easy and gentle until she begged him not to.
It wasn't her.
It was him.
He squeezed his shaft, using the water as lubricant because nothing was coming out of the head. He felt nothing, no desire, no desire for pleasure, and yet he kept nothing, no desire, no desire for pleasure, and yet he kept beating himself off, determined to break down the rod of pain he'd created.
He tried to picture Kate on her knees, his cock in her mouth, her eyes on him, but it was no use. His sack didn't hum with the feelings of precum. He was dry as a blood whore at dawn.
Releasing his prick, he leaned against the wal of the shower and let the water pummel his back and ass. For years he'd told himself that he could never be with someone simply out of desire or care, or love, because the whore in him wouldn't al ow it. But that was a lie he'd obviously needed to tel himself to continue breathing, functioning. Truth was, he didn't deserve anyone. He was a whore for life-a sacro witte.
Dirty animal.
Truth was, Kate Everborne was pure and good and, though he hadn't seen his mark on her skin, may very wel be his true mate. But his dirty used-up cock didn't belong anywhere near her.
In Mondrar, Kate had survived by keeping her mind from the ugly and from the things she couldn't change. She kept her eyes down, her nose clean, and didn't rely on the buddy system that some inmates found essential.
But there were the occasional times when things got so bad, when she'd felt so desperate to vent her fear or her frustration over something that she'd reached out to a bunkmate or the criminal in the cel next to hers.
It was how she'd met Cambridge.
And though the redheaded Eye wasn't Dear Abby, he, at the very least, understood life on the inside of those dank stone wal s. He could relate to her loneliness, her suffering, and her fear.
And sometimes, Kate thought as she walked through the dark and silent living room of the Romans' house, that was enough to get you through another day.
Hearing the soft muffled sound of voices in the distance, Kate let herself be drawn toward it. It was one of those nights and she was hoping to find her fel ow inmate, who unlike her was only too happy to live in captivity.
She found the female in a smal ish room off the library, snuggled up on the couch, watching TV. "Hey."
Sara glanced over her shoulder and though she looked surprised to see Kate, she smiled. "Hey there."
"Busy?"
She shook her head, motioned for Kate to sit down next to her. "Just trying not to worry about my brother."
"He hasn't cal ed?"
"Hasn't cal ed, hasn't checked in. No doubt he's barricaded himself in a room with some female somewhere
. . ." She shook her head. "Instead of my fangs popping out of my mouth every time I think about it, I decided to chil out and watch a movie."
"Sounds like a good self-preservation move. And I'm sure Gray wil turn up." Kate dropped down on the couch.
"Where's your mate tonight?"
"Stil out. Until Ethan Dare is caught . . ." She shrugged.
"You know the drill. I'm sure it's the same with Nicholas."
"I don't know actual y," Kate said, releasing a breath she'd been holding since she'd left her room a few minutes ago. "I don't know what Nicholas's plans are, what he wants, what's going through his mind at all."
For a moment, Sara didn't say anything, just cocked her head to the side and did this sort of half smile. Then she thrust a metal bowl toward Kate and asked, "Do you like popcorn?"
Kate smiled. "I don't know, do I?"
"I think you might."
"Okay." She delved into the bowl and took a few of the pale kernels, popped them in her mouth. Living in the credenti, she was used to grains and seeds and so the sensation of the popped corn wasn't unusual to her tongue.
She took her time chewing them, real y tasting them.
"What do you think?" Sara asked, watching her with curious blue eyes.
"Different, not what I expected." She smiled. "But pretty good."
"I'm glad you tried it, because sometimes things that are different and unexpected, and very tasty, can throw you off if you don't give them the proper chance." She lifted one brown eyebrow. "Know what I mean, girlfriend?"
Kate laughed. Smooth, Doc. Stil smiling, she shrugged.
"Thing is, what if you gave the popcorn a chance, but it won't open up to you-won't be honest with you?"
"Are you being honest with him?" Sara asked, serious now, the popcorn subtext abandoned.
Kate didn't answer.
Sara sighed. "It's terrifying to lay yourself bare before someone you don't trust yet. Believe me."
Kate pulled her knees up to her chest. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to ful y trust him."
"Do you want to?"
"That's like asking me if I want to trust anyone-ever. If it's even possible for me after being where I've been, you know?"
Sara didn't know actual y, and didn't even attempt to ask.
Instead, she said, "Then this real y isn't about anyone but you, is it? Maybe you'd better ask yourself what you do want-"
"Freedom," Kate said without hesitation. "It's al I've ever wanted."
Sara nodded. "Okay. And what is freedom to you? Life without the Order? The balas upstairs? Love?"
"Love." Kate laughed.
Sara's brows knit together. "What?"
"I don't know. I guess I just can't even imagine it."
"What? Loving someone?"
Kate shook her head. "No. Someone loving me."
"Oh, my new friend." Sara just looked at her for a moment; then she tossed a bit of her blanket over Kate's legs and gestured to the large TV screen. "Have you ever seen this movie?"
"I've seen only one movie. I snuck out of the credenti once, on a Saturday afternoon."
"Oh wow. Of course."
"But I real y liked it."
Sara smiled. "What was it about?"
"A boy and al of his toys. The toys came to life and they had al these sil y adventures."
"Well, this one is completely different, and possibly a bit more relatable." Sara pointed to a pretty redhead on the screen who was lying in a bubble bath, her eyes closed, singing to herself. "This woman thinks she's not worthy of love-that what she was in her past defines who she is now, what she wants to be." A man came into the bathroom, proud-looking and handsome with lightly graying hair, and Sara said, "Him too, in fact. Last thing he wants to do is change his life."
"But what?" Kate asked with a thread of sarcasm. "He does, for her, and they live happily ever after?"
"I don't know," Sara said honestly. "You never know, do you? But their journey to true love is paved with insecurity, desire, misunderstanding, loyalty, and final y revealing themselves to each other-their true selves. After the credits roll, it's al up to them."
Kate nodded, smiled. "Should I be paying you for this, Doc?"
Sara laughed and placed the bowl between them. "Just have some more popcorn while we watch the movie, veana. Gets better and better the more you try it."
Nicholas moved through the tunnels, his eyes sliding over the Impure guards stationed at several random junctures.
Normally, as he walked the dark, frigid passageways lit every ten feet or so with torches he didn't even notice the Impure males he and his brothers had hired to live and work below the Manhattan streets. The males had left their credentis long ago after being blood castrated by the Order so they wouldn't pass on their weak half-breed genes, and had always remained to themselves, making contact with the Romans only when they came to col ect their payment once per month.
Nicholas wondered about them now, wondered what they thought of themselves. They were incapable of becoming aroused, incapable of giving themselves to anyone. Were they ashamed of what had happened to them? Did they want to remain hidden in the tunnels, or did they yearn for companionship and love?
The tunnel widened in front of him and Nicholas made a sharp right down another length of passage, this one thinner and colder as he got closer to the exterior, where snow tended to col ect.
Is that what Dare was after? he wondered. Was the uprising the brain child of Impures who were unsatisfied with the hidden and miserable lives they were leading? Or was it just Ethan Dare wreaking havoc, creating a reason to take what he wanted, kil whomever he wanted?
Nicholas left the guards behind and went to the very edge of the tunnels, where someone was waiting for him, his trash can stink in ful bloom.
"Well, this is an honor." Whistler's beady eyes moved warily over Nicholas. "Being al owed within the Roman tunnels."
"I need something from you, Whistler."
"Real y?"
"And I intend to pay you wel for it."
Nicholas could do nothing about his feelings surrounding Kate, but his war with Ethan Dare stil raged, and even in his misery he would protect his family.
Whistler's grin was as disturbing as his worn-down fangs. The Eye needed to lay off the gravo; every hit of that shit broke down enamel until it destroyed both the house and its hardware. "I am anxious to hear your offer."
"This is no offer, as you wil not have the option of saying no."
"You are more hostile than usual, Son of the Breeding Male."
"Am I?" Nicholas eyebal ed him. "Perhaps it has something to do with you opening your fetid piehole to Dare about my personal business."
Whistler blanched. "It was a mistake. And you and I did not have an agreement-"
"Cease!" Nicholas hissed, "before I take these ribbed fangs you find so fascinating and drag them across your skinny neck."
The head member of the Eyes shuddered, but he found the wil to nod. "What do I need to do?"
"Keep your mouth shut." Nicholas tossed a stack of clothes at him. "And put these on."
Dawn was breaking just as Alexander dipped into the subway, then hauled ass down the secret passage that led to the tunnels. After catching sight of two of Dare's recruits in the club he was watching he'd remained hidden instead of taking them on or attempting to strong-arm them for information. He'd thought if he could just wait them out, maybe they would lead him right to Dare.
And it had looked pretty good there for a while. He'd fol owed them for hours, into several clubs, then to what had seemed like the journey home. But somewhere on the Hudson's East Side they'd disappeared. It had been like a fucking magic act. There one moment, snow dropping on nothing but the grand mansions of Mil ionaires' Row the next.
Alexander took the secret staircase down into the beginnings of the Roman tunnels, so ready to see his veana, take her to bed for a few hours-more if she would al ow him-then get to mapping out the Hudson area for tonight's recon. He was wil ing to bet that one of those river homes was Dare's new compound.
But a sound stopped him, froze him midflight.
Voices, a pair of them-and as he used the power of morpho to tune in to what was being said, he realized it was Nicholas standing there in the entrance to the tunnels.
But Alexander couldn't make out whom his brother was talking to.
He palmed his Glock, but remained where he was, listening. It wouldn't do to get too close, have Nicholas scent out his presence if he was involved in something clandestine. Wasn't Alexander's style to mess with anything romantic the paven had going.
But the voices were distinctly male and what Alexander heard next was anything but romantic. It was Nicholas and that fucking piece of shit Eye from his past, and they were talking Dare and a sting op that was going down in Times Square at first dark.
Times Square? Was Nicholas serious? At first dark in one of the busiest spots in the city? Sounded insane, and completely ineffectual. Alexander was about to tackle al six steps in one leap and give his brother his opinion himself when he heard something that made his unbeating heart stutter.
"My brothers hear about this and I wil use your blood to repave every street in lower Manhattan."
Fangs descending, Alexander pocketed his Glock and reversed course up the steps. What the hel was Nicholas trying to prove? He stood in the shadows near a pylon waiting for Whistler to scuttle past like the cockroach he was, and go up into the subway.
He would give his brother time to get back too. Maybe rethink his fool plan, and Lucian and Alexander's part in it as he walked the frigid passageways.
From the shadow of the massive pylon, Alexander growled with irritation. The hours in bed with his mate would have to be skimmed down now. To one . . .
Maybe two.